OK enough with the fucking pictures already... Time to give the camera a little break. I'll probably get enough decent shots to put up a dedicated page on the site or get someone like photo.net to host them but I really don't want to turn the blog into some photo journal. Most of today I was on autopilot - last night catching up with me. I'm still managing to get a solid hour of writing in at work though which is much better than trying to find a coffee shop not filled with retards . Looks like we're off to Greece after much moaning and wailing on my part... finally come to terms that I can't go to New York every time I get on a plane. We're going at the end of May for 10 days or so of island hopping and relaxation - for relaxation read Mike going stir crazy because he's not in a city... I'm going to have to take a lot of shit to read - I'm not good in tourist mode... only happy if holidaying through a major terrorist attack really. Jess round me up today - she brought home a copy of The Death of Vishnu and I'm just throwing the fucking thing out the front door for the foxes to tear the shit out -= calm has been restored through a copy of Tumble Home by Amy Hemple... I will not suffer bad books in the house... jesus, it was bad enough having to stock shit like that in the bookstore... Now I�m deciding whether to do another all-nighter or cut my losses and go to bed early thereby guaranteeing a more productive day tomorrow... I may post again later and add to the site if I haven't been tempted upstairs. Mike is blogging to: Le Tigre ~ Mediocrity Rules

Can't decide whether I need to get some sleep or not - it's not like I'm going to be operating heavy machinery or flying a plane later today... So what's new.... Well after having my ego stroked a few times on Friday night and then getting a rather nice email when I got home I just added a book review section to the site following on the good work started at my old job. As always I'm looking for other people to contribute so please get in touch if you want anything up on the site. Friday night was a lot of fun - made some new friends as well as being pretty choked at seeing Chris leave the shop - fucker was wasted sat in the returns room anyway but I know he'll be missed in the store. I'll try and grab lunch with him one day this week. So I guess I should stick a couple of photos up seeing as I made a nuisance of myself with the camera... It now looks like Duncan will be moving in with us for a couple of months over the summer, which should be pretty cool. Now he'll have no excuse for not watching Cronenberg movies... Last night we were over at Richard and Aruna's (Don't panic I didn't take the camera) and caught up with them, Margarida and Miguel (now working on a movie - composing the score and acting), Evie and Big Nick. Had to leave early though because Jess was snowed under with work. Today Jess cracked on with the essays and I lounged and read - Sundays are piss poor for anything else and the weather has been crappy all day too. Blowing up a gale outside as I write this... 3 more hours and I'll have to set off for work in it. Bastard. Speaking of which - it only took a week for me to start using my camera in the good fight against idiocy - check this out: I trailed him off the train just to get a shot of that haircut... what the fuck is that all about? It was only when I got home and looked at the photo a little closer I realised that with a little time and patience this guy could have a totally fresh look... The feedback page is still popular meaning I'm now getting around twice as many feedback results as emails. Keep it coming. Phil sent me his gayometer results which I've now added to the pink page. With a little luck I'll twist his arm into putting something of his own up on the site (besides his grinning mug that is). Decided to crash for a couple of hours before work but I have more updates to post later on and as usual I'm a day behind with my email... Mike is blogging to: The Dead Kennedys

I pre-blogged this one so it would turn up on the site sometime late afternoon... I'm getting in touch with a couple of San Francisco based mags and zines over the weekend so I can try and get some stuff in print over there. If London has a decent underground writing scene I've yet to find it... maybe I'm just not hip enough now that I'm old... it all seems to be creative writing drivel... maybe its the fact that there's so much bad writing in the UK mainstream at the moment... I picked up a copy of 'Maximum Rock n Roll' a few days ago - 20 years old now. It's the first time I've read it in in about five years but its still pretty good - a nice mix of music, politics and general moaning. They just parted company with Mordam Records (their distributor for years) over ethics... Mordam have recently started carrying music by major labels after years of being independent and that just wasn't punk enough for MRR. Pretty ballsy move. You got to respect the little guy with guts in this age of the Time/Warner/AOL dictatorship... I'm still annoyed about those book burning pricks... I wonder if I can get in touch with them. All for now... Mike is blogging to: Edward Woodward being burned alive inside a giant wicker effigy

Asleep before midnight for the first time in ages... actually felt half human when I woke up. Adding the feedback form to the site seems popular... now you guys don't have to give me an email address yo just get weirder... example: "I'd love to come and see you perform your verbal bollocks at goldsmiths but I think I am out of the area. However, the opportunity to heckle at you is giving me that sensation you only usually get when eyeing up girls on the other side of the room and you know you are in with a chance" Keep it coming guys... Speaking of which... I've added a gay page to the site. Its got the results of the Gayometer readings so far and another link to the Ch 4 site. I'll add more as I get them. Jess was worried I'd come across a little homophobic... those that know me know that's not true... I'm with Rollins on that one - just get off on what you want with who you want and as long as you're not hurting anyone do it as much as possible... I do reserve the right to call people by degrading names though - write in and tell me what you find offensive and I'll make a point of calling you by it... Did you know that the funds set up to compensate familes of those killed in the WTC on September 11th are refusing to pay out to same sex couples - that is so fucked up... if the terrorists didn't feel prejudice then why the fuck should the authorities? Small minded pricks... More American news... Christ Community Church in Alamogordo, New Mexico held what they called a 'Get Warm' party where church goers burned copies of 'Harry Potter' (ok its crap but its not evil) and anything they could get their facist hands on by William Shakespeare. "Masterpieces of Satanic deception" apparently... I suppose you lose your interest in reading when there are so many cousins and sisters to fuck. Small minded arrogant bastards... should re-name the place New Berlin (circa 1939). I gotta go force my way onto the tube... out with the OTT gang this evening and then a three-way party tomorrow (not as sticky as it sounds) but I'll be blogging later... Mike is blogging to: The Wicker Man soundtrack

Just put up the flyer for the talk in June... More coffee... Mike is blogging to: some pretty fucked up Japanese jazz

Something new for you guys to play with... There is now a feedback form on the main site - simply click on the link to the left and you can drop me a line from any machine anywhere and bypass your own email system - gets around not being able to send mail from certain establishments plus you can feel free to swear and throw abuse at me as I don't give a flying fuck. I'll respond to all emails if a return address is given (but you don't have to provide one) or put up a response somewhere on the site or blog. Fair enough? I have a lot to get through this evening - decided to forego that whole sleep thing for a night... it just gets in the way. Mike is blogging to: The Y tu mam� tambi�n soundtrack - saw it again tonight... bloody good

I've just got through answering a heap of mail... at last I'm finally up to date. Let me stick up a few pics and see what you guys think of that camera we got last week: That's for those of you who keep asking me what life in London is like - pollution and grey buildings? Not everywhere - that shot was taken on my way to work. I'm less than 30 mins from the city centre and I've never seen so much nature... That's one of the interesting buildings that I stumbled across whilst trying to escape all the tourists on my lunch break... fuck knows how old the painting is. I should go inside and ask. I never really 'got' The Beatles but I do like that movie... Speaking of which - I'm off to see Y tu mam� tambi�n again tomorrow evening - didn't I tell you it was good. So what else has kept me away? I just agreed to do another talk up at Goldsmiths on the 5th of June and just finalised the title: "I am Jack's smirking revenge." : The identity crisis in the novels of Chuck Palahniuk Catchy huh? I'll be talking about 'Fight Club' (movie and novel) of course but also 'Survivor', 'Invisible Monsters' (oh... that's where he got the name from) and 'Choke'. Fancy it? Come along... I'll also try and wrangle a pre-talk screening of the movie. So last weekend I'm in this 'Adrenaline rush' conversation with Frank and he beats my grave desecration story with his double combo 'arrested while scaling down a building with intent to rob story' and 'the time we stole a safe tale'. Goddamn Aussies just have more opportunities than we do... I'm just gonna load up a few more pics for the hell of it... sorry if your machine is groaning under the strain... I hardly ever put pics of me and Jess up on the site so there she is - looking at me with that 'What the fuck are you talking about' expression that I've come to know and love. And for all the poor misguided souls who have asked for a more up to date blog author pic: Now everyone's happy. What should I do with two American women in June? Please email me your answers... Stu reminded me to include the following so I can work out how gay my readership is. So it�s gone midnight and it�s really hot... I'll try and get some stuff added to the site later and if I have time add a few lines to Uniform - that's just crawling along huh? Maybe I need to take a laptop into work so I can spend some time on it during my lunch hour... Not tomorrow though - I'm meeting Ricardo for lunch and chat - me trying to explain why I've done fuck all for his website probably. He has to pay a lot of money to two women who will put him in a chair and cause him great pain tomorrow so I don't know if that means he'll be in a good mood or not. He'll be bemused when I tell him Steve Albini did an interview for Kerrang magazine this week - what the fuck? I'll have to try and get some Sonic Youth tickets this week... plus Bobby Conn is in town next month... as is Jello Biafra... and don't forget Le Tigre and The Hives... fucking hell... that's quite a list. Gotta go - back later. Mike is blogging to: The Saints - Know Your Product

Four days since I last posted... sheesh. Busy, tired... the usual excuses. Finally got my head around the new camera though so I'll start putting up shots either to the blog or the main site later today when I get home. So what's new? Saturday's zombie fest didn't quite go as planned... first off we didn't watch any of the planned movies... we got a little undead action in 'An American Werewolf in London' but the rest of the evening morphed into wierd music, Frank Zappa documentaries and concert footage plus 'Monkey'... that took us around the 4 am mark and we crashed... 4 hours later and we just carried on with sunshine, coffee and Japanese weirdness... Frank was an absolute star. Safe cracker that he is... Sunday was overall more relaxing but I still had to call it a night around 9.30pm - I must be getting old. Last night we went up to the theatre for the first time in an age and saw 'Lobby Hero'. Pretty damn good. It's an American play and very easy to compare with Mamet. I found the last scene a little weak but the rest of the thing is just a joy - funny, fast paced and some great fucking dialogue. Security guard falls for cop who is being screwed (in every sense of the word) by her partner and the whole thing fucks up the one 'friend' he has - who is tearing himself up over whether he should provide a false alibi for his brother.. if you're in london you should check this out. I gotta go do some work I guess... but I'll do a longer post this evening... Mike is blogging to: Not a lot

We finally got a digital camera today: Been playing around with the thing tonight and it's pretty swish - I love gadgets. Haven't installed its software onto the pc yet so it'll be another day before I start putting up the location shots you are all so desperately yearning for. I can now finally get my cast of characters up for this thing so if you know me in the real world expect to be photographed in the very near future. Started work on Ricardo's website properly this evening and added a few lines of text to Uniform but that's about all. Going to go catch an early night - remind me to put the gayometer link up tomorrow - I am 26% gay which is apparently 'too straight'. Stu weighed in at a remarkable 36% meaning either he didn't answer the questions properly or he didn't have both feet on the scales. Just for the record Jess is 50% gay, which is why I am going to keep the camera handy from now on... Mike is blogging to: David Bowie (89% gay, 10% spaceman and 1% actor)

Late last night I found all these pics from back in September when I was writing about the WTC attack. I found all these stills from a single screen grab and decided to animate them... As The Onion said at the time "Holy Fucking Shit" Mike is still blogging to: AC/DC - Back in Black

Today just kept on coming - a little like the guys in Y tu mam� tambi�n which we just got back from. Fantastic film. Standout points - sperming the pool and the attack of the beach pigs. We were in the front row so I couldn't throw revels at the one or two idiots who kept muttering 'disgusting' every time someone inserted something. But forget about the sexual side of things - its a perfect road movie and the central friendship is just so well realised that the ending just pissed me off a great deal but only because I felt for the leads. Go see it. Even you Americans get to see this one (although no major distributor wanted to touch it a while ago). I spent a large portion of today crammed into metal, be it bus or tube shaped. If Oskar Schindler had appeared outside with a hosepipe I would not have been surprised. On the bus to Clapham I think I saw fellow passengers hiding their fillings in bread - just in case. Ken Livingstone:- you really have turned out to be a useless dick. The only part of my journey that was comfortable was the taxi ride back home and that cost me more than it should have done thanks to the little bastard. I'm pissing around with the main site design for the next day or so. Let me know what you hate. After that I'll be starting on Richard's new site. After much talk of revolving breasts we have settled on a rather stylish design that makes up in panache what it lacks in the way of animated porn gifs. It's late already and I only just got in so I'm going to pull a late one. Loads of email to reply to and some more Uniform. Did a lot of soul searching today as to where I want to be 12 months from now. Actually I did a hell of a lot of complaining and Jess did the slap around the head thing until I came to my senses. More toil less recoil. One nice thing I did today was give this homeless guy the book I was reading. I saw he had almost finished the one he was on and he was so engrossed he wasn't bothering to ask people at the cash machine for change. I gave him a handful of coins and a hardback to keep him going for a while. He was really happy with that - telling me how much he loved to read and how quickly he gets through books... one of the good guys. Gig wise I got pretty excited too - 'Mission of Burma' at the end of the month and Jello Biafra doing his spoken word thing a few weeks after. Splendid. Most disappointing part of the day - when the Greenpeace advert came on at the flicks and people started moaning and mumbling only to go respectfully quiet when the 'real' ads came on telling them which car to lust after. People are just so fucking dumb... Mike is blogging to AC/DC - Back in Black

I got snowed under last night. Will update this when I get a chance...

Late last night I decided to start something new - like I haven't got enough to work through already. Check out Uniform and let me know what you think. The first part was written in all of five minutes so that may get tweaked later today but for now I'm looking for feedback on the concept... is this worth running with? Later today I'm meeting Richard to talk about his new website so as soon as I've got that in hand I'll put a new link up. In response to Stu's joke yesterday I noticed this morning that women seem to have great difficulty in working the ticket machines at Tooting Bec... maybe if the machines were painted pink? Just an idea... Mike is blogging to: Not a lot...

Sheesh - I forgot to put up Stu's joke: Halifax Building Society is very pleased to announce that they are installing new "Drive Thru" Cash Dispensers. To enable customers to gain maximum benefit from this new facility they have conducted intensive behavioural studies to come up with the appropriate procedures for their use. AS FOLLOWS; Procedures for MALE customers 1. Drive up to the cash machine 2. Wind down your car window 3. Insert your card into machine and enter PIN 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt 6. Wind up window 7. Drive off Procedures for FEMALE customers 1. Drive up to cash machine 2. Reverse the required distance to align car window with cash machine 3. Re-start the stalled engine 4. Wind down the window 5. Find handbag, remove all the contents onto passenger seat to find card 6. Turn down the radio 7. Attempt to insert card into machine 8. Open car door to allow easier access to cash machine due to its excessive distance from the car 9. Insert card 10. Re-insert card the right way up 11. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN number written on the inside back page 12. Enter PIN 13. Press "cancel" and re-enter correct PIN 14. Enter amount of cash required 15. Check make-up in rear view mirror 16. Retrieve cash and receipt 17. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside 18. Place receipt in back of cheque book 19. Re -check make-up 20. Drive forward 2 meters 21. Reverse back to cash machine 22. Retrieve card 23. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder and place card into slot provided 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off 25. Drive for 2 to 3 miles 26. Release handbrake. Thoughts on a postcard to the usual address please. Mike is blogging to: Apr�s l'Explosion by Ennio Morricone

Today is a good day. Daleks on Ch4. Peter Cushing isn't quite right and the original episodes were better but Dalek's Invasion Earth: 2150 has a lot going for it. Some great late sixties visuals and Bernard Cribbins - a god to people my age. Cribbins is the lead in a movie called Dangerous Davies - The Last Detective that I saw when I was kid but haven't been able to track down since - it's one of my 'grail' movies. The best thing about 2150 though is that it's partly set on the underground. I'm a sucker for that - its one of the reasons why I love American Werewolf and one of my faves - Death Line with Donald Pleasence. Maybe I should compile a list of great 'Underground' films... there can't be that many. Mike is blogging to: Jess watching My Life as a Dog

Here are a few things that I promised to post: The drinky crow toy that Duncan needs to buy. Complete with detachable eyes so you can make him sober. The Chris Ware 'Rusty Brown' lunch box. Doc mentioned this to me and I immediately went in search of it. It's the coolest thing I�ve seen in ages... "Remember gym class, being called names, and getting spit on? Well, here's the "Rusty Brown" lunchpail -- the perfect companion for children who are used to dining alone. Decorated with popular images from the new serial beginning in "The ACME Novelty Library" series of picture books and pamphlets, this one is sure to be just the thing to display for a short time, put in a closet, and then eventually throw away. Four color, embossed, and solid metal -- so that it really hurts when somebody bigger than you smacks you on the side of the head with it". The inside has a Chris Ware strip etched into the tin. I think I need to buy one of these at the end of the month. and a picture of Uncle Gabby and Mr Crow that reminds us that although guns are dangerous they are also a lot of fun. Mike is blogging to: Drive Dead Slow by The Sahara Hotnights

Work was good today - I get to read the new novel by Tod Goldberg Living Dead Girl which I'm quite excited about. After-work was also good - Cat's leaving the store too and that was a pretty emotional affair... so many of my friends have now left that strangers are now sneaking in... Duncan assures me that my locker still strikes fear though. I told my 'eating vomit' story and made people wince. 'Wince' is a great little word. I finally agreed to update Richard's site so I'll begin work on that next week and then I can turn my attention to Duncan's. Had to postpone the Cronenberg flick until tomorrow night... It was just too sad seeing Cat go without wishing parasitic excrement on each other too. Must remember to take The Brood in for Ramsey tomorrow. I'm gonna have another look at digital cameras tomorrow but I keep getting sidetracked by 42" plasma widescreen tvs... maybe for the new place when we finally move. I think Jess is finally coming round to the idea of us adopting a dalek as well. She suggested we could use one as a drinks cabinet which you've gotta admit is an encouraging sign... Hey, I think I got through a blog without mentioning the Queen Mum... I've decided to leave her in peace seeing as she had the decency to finally die. (Although I did fear for a moment that Edward would marry a lookalike, the way he did after Diana died, to try and get his crappy little tv company off the ground again). Mike is blogging to: Surfer Rosa by The Pixies

Ok so tonight I'm writing on some great seventies movies - Rollerball and Zardoz. Everyone knows Rollerball but do you guys remember Zardoz? Sean Connery having his loin cloth encased hard-on analysed by Charlotte Rampling while he is shown images of muddy breasts- the first time I saw this movie it resulted in my parents giving me my first talk about the birds and bees. Cinema today needs more giant floating heads. So what should I rant about first? The fucking idiots wasting hours of their lives to file past a gravestone? The bastards that threw a cat off a cliff yesterday? Israel still doing its thing Third Reich style? The fact that the BBFC have ordered The Pornographer to be cut making Britain the first country in 12 to do so? (actually I will run with that one - the BBFC have cut the 'money shot' neglecting to work out that half the audience have had a face full of the real stuff already or have been directly responsible for such a seed splatter- if not both. So its ok to see Arnie wipe out terrorism with his big gun and crap lines or see The Scorpion King do whatever the fuck it is he does but when it comes to seeing a healthy string of jism shoot across the screen and begin to ferment on some actresses face we are all gonna become depraved - fuck - we may even try and copy it. Where would we be then? Happy and moisturised thats where - dumb interfering censoring cunts). Phew, that was an aside not an actual full bodied rant... then there's the fact that Blair is still gonna drag us to Iraq again because he's more interested in what some mad bastard Texan wants than the poor fuckers who voted him in - but then again you can see their point, I mean the sanctions that have been killing children for the last ten years are so slow - dropping cluster bombs is probably a more humane form of genocide. Seeing as Blair is so presidential can we assassinate the little smiling runt? Did anything make me smile today? Seeing the Queen cry maybe... she looked almost human for about a nanosecond but then it was back to the business of state - I mean some ones gotta ride those horses. I saw the Editor of the Daily Mirror on the CH4 news saying that people like me should fuck off to America - I'm working on it mate - I'd rather relax in San Francisco... jesus - think of the ranting I'll get to do about the American system :) Work was work was work... I did sort a nice customised Jimmy Corrigan/Spiderman/Sonic desktop though. Tomorrow I'm back in the Junction for drinks with Cat and the gang - then back here for Cronenberg's Shivers. Nothing like a movie about killer turd parasites to round off an evening. Tonight Jess finally banned me from making horse comments about Alex Kingston in ER - but she is though isn't she... I know I've done fuck all with the robots lately but stop complaining - I have a life you know - I'm not just some computer nerd with an unhealthy interest in sci fi and comic books - ok maybe I am but for fuck's sake I have a girlfriend - leave me alone you robotic obsessed bastards. And Rachel - I doubt very much that you are an 18 year old swimming instructor from Longbeach - you know way too much about the Galactica 1980 episode when the Cylons reached Earth but were mistaken for fancy dress party guests... I gotta go write a bunch of email to a bunch of people but I may be back if I get annoyed enough. I also promised to post a pic of Stu - but this time I had to guarantee that his mouth would stay in one place... oh, and congratulations to Becky on landing the new job! Mike is blogging to: Rise Up by Bobby Conn

This guy just broke down and wept outside the office today. He just wailed while the woman he was with tried to console him. I don't have a smart arse comment to make. It looked so bleak... On the way home today I picked up this really old record player and have been trying to convince Jess that the vinyl just sounds better - she's having none of it... You've got to admit that the first Black Sabbath album should only be played from the original vinyl though... Birmigham's finest hour. I'm umming and awwing (or is that umming and ahhing?) over whether to stick some of my fiction up on the website - there's simply somthing crap about reading fiction online though. Maybe I could stick up some downloadable Word files or something... I'll sleep on it. Most people's online writing just makes me cringe though... what do you guys think? Pippa should be on her way over for a slice of Canadian werewolf action so I'll try and pick this up again later. Mike is blogging to: the Fight Club soundtrack

Jess is watching yet another conjoined twins documentary - why do they make this crap and why does she watch it? I've been coming out with hundreds of tasteless jokes but she refuses to switch it off. Damn. It's also odd cos its Australian - I keep expecting the dad to walk in the operating theatre and pull a 'Crocodile Dundee' "That's not a knife..." Today was pretty much the same as all the other 9 - 5's I've ever done. I doubt very much I'll ever have much to mention on here regarding work. Still, the people are all cool and its good to see Paola every day - now if we can only convince Chris to take a job around the corner. Doc has set up his own blog - check it out from here - whoever gave him that idea is a fucking genius. He has also started buying robots on ebay... I think everyone should have at least one in their home. There's a comic shop in town that sells these 1/2 scale daleks for around �400 but Jess is not convinced that we really need one for the new place. I'm sure she'll come round... Not sure how the rest of the week will pan out - tomorrow Pippa is coming over to see Ginger Snaps, Thursday is drinks with Cat night and Friday is still up in the air... I've just about finished the latest Stephen King short story collection - haven't read anything new by him in years but I've enjoyed every single one of these. I turned my back on a lot of really popular fiction when I was back at uni doing the degree - very pretentious I was too - only reading Sartre, Joyce and Beckett - forgot how much I enjoyed reading about clowns ripping the arms off kids in storm drains. Hopefully by the weekend I'll finally get some of the book and comic stuff up that I've been working on. Damn social life's been getting in the way again. I heard tonight that the same fuckwads who thought it was a good idea to improve ET have now got their sights set on Raiders of the Lost Ark. Don't you fucking try it - do what you want with ET - he was always the runt of my film childhood anyway and if Spielberg has been lying awake in bed thinking about the need to give the little guy a "realistic swallowing action" then good luck to him - he needs therapy but good luck to him. But do not fuck with Indiana Jones... there's nothing to tweak or improve - go and add tits to the Mona Lisa or edit out the cock at the end of The Crying Game but please for the love of christ leave Indy the fuck alone... dumb meddling bastards. Sheesh. On a better note I just found out that Henry Rollins has released a DVD of the Astoria gigs we went too. Splendid. Mike is blogging to: The Rollins Band - Come In and Burn

So I watched The Big Hit (1998) today. Not as much of a mess as I was lead to believe. It's a dumb action flick with an odd cast (Mark Wahlberg, Lou Diamond Phillips, Christina Applegate and Elliot Gould) and bombed big time in the states - don't think it ever got a cinema release here. The interesting thing (to me) about it is that it�s directed by Kirk Wong. He's responsible for two of my favourite Honk Kong movies - The Club (1981) and Rock n Roll Cop (1994). If you know these movies then you will find The Big Hit disappointing but if you have a passing interest in HK action flicks then you may find it interesting - it attempts to mesh the hectic HK style and goofy humour with American attitude and is left floundering. The humour doesn't work and some scenes are too dark (Phillips knifing his friend) but as its on sale at HMV at the moment for �3.99 its gotta be worth a look... Spent the rest of the day reading and writing. Tomorrow I'm going to try and get into the office really early so I'll have time to mould a few things into my shape and so I'm going to cut this short and get an early night. Mike is blogging to: Come in and Burn by The Rollins Band

Time to call it a night - I'm actually sitting through some really bad TV programme: 'Veronica's Closet'? Where the fuck do the Americans find this shit? I'm going to treat myself tomorrow with a Lou Diamond Phillips movie - I kid you not... and it's not Young Guns. Night night Mike is blogging to: Johnny Cash - American III

Been too tired to blog. Must be getting old. Miss me? I've had a run in with waiting staff from hell lately... today this girl spills two drinks all over me and the food, the night we were out with Stu and Andy we had this dumb fuck waiter who didn't seem to know where he was never mind us or our food - he had a bizarre table setting fetish too. Funniest guy though was back on Thursday while we were waiting for Andy and Stu to arrive. We go into this small cafe for a couple of drinks and... well here's what I noted down at the time: "People have no sense of humour - the guy behind the bar has this fantastic black eye, his tooth is chipped and the damage looks fresh. Here's how the conversation went: Can I help you? Black coffee and an orange juice please. Anything else? The first rule of Fight Club is? What? You look like Ed Norton. Who? Fight Club. Do I know you? No. So... Do you want something to eat?" After that we met the Andy and Stu and headed for 'Little Italy' and its retarded waiter before sitting through Blade II again. Which to be honest wasn't too bad second time round but I've probably seen it enough now. The great thing was we were treated to a trailer for the new Kevin Costner flick which ran upside down and played backwards - actually looked quite good - very David Lynch - maybe Kevin should insist that all his films are projected that way. When we got outside an ambulance pulled up to scrape some drunken idiot up while his girlfriend flapped around on her mobile... ahh London. Stu and Andy were in good form - they need to get down here more often. That night we only got in after midnight and I was shattered - hence no blog - last night the evening panned out around ten but I still collapsed nice n early - like I said I'm getting old. Duncan is back and it was good to catch up with him and Will and Mark. Odd seeing his pics of Helsinki - some of them were taken in the exact same places we had been but then others showed a place we didn't see at all - part of the fun of going native with the natives... Anu looks like good fun but he's still neglected to introduce us. So what else? Popped into the store today and had a quick chat with Cat, Alice and Mandy. Strange to think they've all been doing the job while I've been sat at a desk... I still miss the fun we had. The job still seems to be angst ridden - odd that there is another event on the horizon so soon after the last one - what if those five souls can't make two events a month? Picked up some new books and comics but I'm saving them for the tube - tomorrow I have to get a lot of writing done, revamp some of the site and get some extra equipment hooked up this machine - maybe get around to networking the other PC if I have time... Mike is blogging to: Love Songs for the Retarded by The Queers

Ha. I was attacked by two forms of censorship today... Later tonight I will be ranting like a bastard no doubt. But now the sun is out and I must depart to make the most of it before the northern hordes arrive... Mike is blogging to: the sound of the office

I almost forgot... Welcome back Duncan and Anu Drinks on Friday night? I know... not the fucking duck...

I got Jess to record the Charlie Brown cartoon that was on this morning while I was at work. When I was a kid all my friends didn't get it - all those references to American sports etc but I loved Charlie Brown - had a smile on my face all day simply because I was looking forward to seeing the little guy... guess fucking what... "In a change to the scheduled programme..." More crap about that fucking dead woman. Jesus. Get over it. No one gives a flying fuck how many ships she launched or how many fucking hip operations she had... she was 101 - that's about 80 years of life extra than most of the people who got killed in Israel and Palestine this week but what news coverage did that get? I'm pretty sure someone from the BBC finally put a pillow over the old bag's head just so we wouldn't have to see her fucking waving all the time... Christ I'm annoyed... So I�m sitting in this cafe at lunchtime and it�s a beautiful day � the sun is out and every fucker is half naked soaking it up. I of course have crawled into the darkest corner of the cafe I can find hating every moment of it. The sun is just that great ball of fire that gets in the way when you are trying to watch a film in the middle of the afternoon and all you see is your own reflection because your girlfriend threatens to kill you if you paint the windows black. But I�m digressing. Despite my shadowy perch (why do coffee places have to have those really high stools? I feel like a performing seal) I do have a window seat but the sunlight is not getting in the way of my book. Outside and just below me sit a couple, sipping coke and cooing over their holiday snaps. I have a great vantage point and so every now and again I look down to see �Boyfriend outside of car� or �Boyfriend inside of car� � you know, the kind of photos that means a lot to the couple who takes them but bore the fuck out of everyone else (have you seen the photos we took in Helsinki by the way?). So they get to the last four photos but rather than �Boyfriend feeding marsupials at the zoo� we get �Girlfriend, slightly tipsy, naked as the day she was born and spread-eagled on some hotel bed�. I really do mean �as naked as the day she was born� because just like a born again Christian with a lisp, she was shaved. So boyfriend cracks up, girlfriend loses it completely and starts looking around her in horror in case anyone saw her �credit card swiper�. I prepare my best �forget about it� shrug and sympathetic smile. We make eye contact, she gives me her best �I hope you get a really nasty cancer look� and off she storms. Bemused boyfriend simply finishes off his coke. I go back to my book thinking, well that can go in the blog � better than the usual �What was the name of the Joan Rivers robot in Spaceballs?� kind of posting. (By the way, what was the name of the Joan Rivers robot in Spaceballs?) But then it got better... Boyfriend�s mate appears and sits down in now vacant chair and boyfriend passes over the naked girlfriend pics and orders 2 more cokes. Stunning. Better than a wildlife documentary. I felt like Jerry Springer. Is there a lesson to be learnt here? Well, there�s the obvious one that all men are cunts and can not be trusted and then there�s the old chestnut that women are better off with each other because all men are cunts and cannot be trusted - but I think the real lesson to be learnt here is simply this: I really need to buy a digital camera then I can get some of the shit I see up on this blog. Tomorrow I am meeting this man: and his sidekick. They are from the cold and grim North and are coming here to investigate the oft-rumoured culture. You know the way that all the alien chicks who came into contact with Kirk would say �What is this thing called a kiss?� or the way Spock would say that �love is illogical�, well that�s the response I get when I say �art-house cinema� or �running water� to my friends back in the north. Ok I made that up but its still funny. One last note... Earlier today I got the following email: �Data suggests that 7 out of 8 women are not satisfied with their partner's size and/or performance........ ARE YOU ONE OF THOSE MEN WHO DOESN"T KNOW FOR SURE? *Those blue pills only work until you run out *Herbal snake oils are just plain junk *PUMPS?!!! you've got to be KIDDING! Look: In just a few weeks you can reverse many of the the conditions that degrade your reproductive function and gain a NEW LEASE ON LIFE. Everybody is doing it, so hurry up before you're the only one left with your flimsy stock equipment!� Flimsy stock equipment? I wouldn�t normally bring attention to mail like this but the very next email I received was from my pal Richard who told me that his was now 21� and that �I am a sad kid with new toy..Jesus how did I cope before�. He could of course have been talking about a new monitor for his Gay Mac (TM) but he�s always struck me as �ONE OF THOSE MEN WHO DOESN"T KNOW FOR SURE�... Flimsy stock equipment? Mike is blogging to: the Bottle Rocket soundtrack.

I ran into Mike Leigh today. I've decided from now on to throw myself at every 'celebrity' that I come across and squeeze some fame from their high-powered nipples to help feed the blog. Earlier today I was emailed evidence of Dalek pornography and as luck has it, I will be in a position to question Tom Baker next Friday. Stay tuned for what the good Doctor has to say on the subject. People keep asking me about the talk I gave up at Goldsmiths earlier in the year so tomorrow I'll try and get a copy of what I had to say up online. I should be doing something similar in the next few months prior to taking over as joint co-ordinator of the English Studies Network. As soon as I've got the dates sorted out I'll post 'em up. First 'real' day in the job today and everything there is going great. Still missing the crowd from the bookstore though so we are going to declare an open house either this Friday or next for food, drink and catching up. As soon as I've confirmed the dates I'll let you guys know. June 2nd onwards and I have a small contingent from the United States flying over to have fun in London. Any suggestions for cultural spots that don't figure in the Time Out guide will be greatly appreciated. We also received a 'Farscape' watch in the post today... If any of you guys have any crap that you don't want anymore feel free to post it on. Mike is blogging to: Black Sabbath - Masters of Reality

Tried to post the following at 2am but Blogger was just too crowded: "Another late one. Stayed up watching Tomorrow Never Comes with Olly Reed and then had to jot a few lines down about it and grab a few screen shots so I could put the whole thing up here. Got to grab some sleep before I hit the tube... hope you all had a fun holiday. Except for poor Phil who's been too busy for chocolate eggs. Someone buy him some doughnuts..." Mike is blogging to: The Rushmore Soundtrack

Ha. Bank holidays are pretty cool when you don't have to work the things - woke up late and watched 'War Games' with Mathew Broderick and Ally Sheedy. Great fun. The rest of the line up today is pretty meager but Jess is having fun with 'Uncle Buck' "Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face!". I just jotted off a proposal for a short book on film so now I get to mess around with the website - I also forgot to get the Breeders tickets which means that both Richard and Duncan will be out for blood now that both nights are sold out... I'm sure they've forgotten how to play anyway - they're only girls. This tickled me today: and I'll have the robots stuff updated sometime this evening Mike is blogging to: silence