�YOU WILL SEE ME ONE MORE TIME IF YOU DO GOOD. YOU�LL SEE ME TWO MORE TIMES IF YOU DO BAD� Well, my body clock is officially fucked. Can�t sleep, got to get to new job in six hours or so and here I am listening to Ozzy. No real news. Frank came by yesterday and made a mega meal for Jess, Anu, Duncan and me. Had every intention to blog and catch up on my email after that but by some bizarre Kevin Smith turn of logic we ended up watching The Breakfast Club which led to a heated discussion about the Molly Ringwald crotch shot. Needless to say after that I was shattered. So I went to Stockholm. I�ll put my journal up here somewhere on Saturday (my day off) but in short it was a very nice looking place but dull as hell � kind of a capital city for Mac users. I was bored but got a lot of reading done and wrote a lot more than I would have back here with all the distractions that a vibrant city has. Finally got around to seeing Mulholland Drive that was fucking great, Windtalkers that is best left well alone and a really bad Scottish serial killer movie with Charlie Sheen. The highlight of the whole trip was seeing a documentary on Steve Irwin the crocodile bloke. Like I say. I�ll get my ranting up on the weekend along with some pics.  Pay particular attention in the beginning of the film: at least two clues are revealed before the credits.  Notice appearances of the red lampshade.  Can you hear the title of the film that Adam Kesher is auditioning actresses for? Is it mentioned again?  An accident is a terrible event... notice the location of the accident.  Who gives a key, and why?  Notice the robe, the ashtray, the coffee cup.  What is felt, realized and gathered at the club Silencio?  Did talent alone help Camilla?  Notice the occurrences surrounding the man behind Winkies.  Where is Aunt Ruth? Life at Borders so far is pretty good but I�ve yet to do any real work. They have this pretty intensive training period which is not at all what I�m used to and although some parts of the day lag a little overall its shaping up nicely. I�ve put myself forward for the fiction section, which is fucking huge and would be a lot of fun to handle � fingers crossed. Odd working in such a huge store but the few members of the 90 or so staff that I�ve met so far all seem to be cool. Nice to be back in central London too, on my way to lunch today the place was full of nutters. Sometimes I think religion is just a form of alternative comedy � this guy screaming at tourists today reminded me a lot of Alexi Sayle circa The Young Ones. Pretty busy week ahead. I�m working at the store and at the cinema on Friday so that�s gonna be a fucker of a long day. Saturday off but its my only full day to catch up with all my webby stuff which I�m way behind in. Sunday I�m back at Borders and the cinema again � probably be shattered after that but maybe I�ll finally see Reign of Fire. I rave about these movies when they�re in pre-production but by the time they arrive on the screen I�ve forgotten about them. Apart from all that I�m still killing Germans on the Playstation II and just finished another Farscape boxset. Oh, part of my laxness on the blogging front has probably got something to do with the vodka I�ve been drinking. Stockholm was so dull I had no resort but to have the odd tipple and now I�ve got the taste again. Saying that, I think I�ll probably give it up again pretty soon after the whole �fighting talk� incident in some bar in Stockholm and scaring Frank yesterday by going from straight edge to straight shots. Mike is blogging to: Ozzy

"THERE'S NO STOPPING THIS GUY" Hey. I'm back. Been mad busy and just about ready for bed. New job starts tomorrow. I have the Stockholm stuff to put up and a mountain of email to climb. Brace yourselves for a large entry tomorrow - I'll try and be gentle. Mike is blogging to: the realisation that he shouldn't keep leaving crap until the last possible minute

"THE BELLS, THE BELLS" You would not believe the mood I was in today. All I wanted to do was get a day of writing done before we leave the country but it seemed everyone was against me. The house eventually cleared for half an hour and that was just about time enough for me to forget about the visions of blood and mayhem that had been swimming around my head for most of the day. So we went up to the Blue Room to see Richard's work but with the hassles I had earlier we left really late and only had a chance for a quick nose around. Looked good though, especially the newer shots that I hadn't seen before. From there we got across to the Garage - great down and dirty venue that I haven't been to in years - and watched The Donnas. We were right at the front and I was practically in one of the speakers - its a sign of old age when your hearing is still fucked after all this time. The show was good, nice crowd and The Donnas were rocking - they played quite a few new numbers which left no room for Motley Crue covers but we left happy, dripping and slightly deaf. Usually at a gig I may take around six or seven photos but as soon as there are eight breasts on stage something primal kicks in - I took like 56 shots tonight. As soon as I get back I'll sort them out properly but here's a small taster: Back here then to catch up with Duncan and pack. Jess as ever is the organised one - she's taking a nap as I write this, her stuff all ready to go. I'm figuring on just grabbing a handful of tshirts on the way out the door as I want to catch up with my email before we leave. I have however chosen the books I'm taking - we are only going for five days so I'm not taking too much or anything too heavy: Vernon God Little by DBC Pierre which I'm around half way through and is very funny, Car Camping by Mark Sundeen which I keep starting but have yet to finish and jrnls80s by Lee Ranaldo of Sonic Youth. I'm bound to pick more up while we are out there. So that's it for now. I guess the next time I blog I will be in Stockholm. I'm taking no techy stuff with me at all this trip, just an old fashioned pen and paper as part of the point of this trip is to relax and get back to basics. I will as ever keep a journal though and take a lot of photographs - I'll add it to the site on my return along with the stuff from the Greece/Holland trip a little while ago. Bye for now and if the plane goes down feel free to help yourself to my stuff but I want it all back when I'm rescued a few weeks later after chowing down on the cabin crew and my fellow passengers. Stu - check out the trailer for Shanghai Knights when you get a chance Mike is blogging to: nothing but the ringing in his elderly ears.

�HANDSOME FRANK FUCKED UP. YOU CAN PAY YOUR RESPECTS AT THE FUNERAL WITH THE REST OF US� I�ve been very relaxed today. Working on Duncan�s website, reading and hanging out in the last remnants of sunshine. Apart from a brief blast of noise this morning the house has been unusually quiet. Quite a relief after yesterday. Frank came over this morning � (actually he came over something entirely different last night but that�s another story, one involving Australian/American relations) � and we are currently watching Ghost Dog. Frank has been laying his weirdness on the kids and now they are running around the house asking for �The Great Frank�. This all started when one of the kids found a story I had written about Frank on the laptop that I had given her to play with � thankfully her lack of reading skills meant that she didn�t get too traumatised by the exploits of the maverick Australian. Every time the guy hangs out over here I take great joy in traumatising him with tales of how some obscure piece of Aussie flotsam was elevated to cult or mainstream status over here. He reels from my being able to describe plot twists in shit like Prisoner Cell Block H or The Sullivans and showing him sites like this one but today I brought out the big guns and made him watch an old video of Rolf Harris performing 'Stairway to Heaven'. I doubt he�ll ever recover. I�m up at the cinema for a few hours this evening then tomorrow I�m off to Richard�s show opening up at The Blue Room followed by The Donnas gig. Probably get back here around midnight but then off to the airport at around 5am. I�ll be away for the best part of the week but I�ll update when I can. Haven�t decided yet whether or not I�ll be taking my Jornada with me but I am looking forward to getting a lot of reading done while I'm in Stockholm. Mike is blogging to: Forest Whitaker kicking ass

�YOU HAVEN'T SLEPT IN SIXTY HOURS. YOU'RE IN NO STATE TO TACKLE IT� I forgot to mention how much fun Medal of Honor: Frontline is. I�m trying to get all gaming out of my system in the next couple of months because I�ll be taking part in the nanowrimo. The idea is to write a complete novel of at least 50,000 words beginning on November 1st and finishing November 30th. Sounds like a lot of fun huh? I�m trying not to think about it too much because part of the �fun� is just starting with a blank page and not a single idea on November 1st. I also plan to get a couple of bottles of vodka in as it seems like a good excuse to fall off my self-imposed wagon for a few weeks. Saying that, I may turn to drink well before then. The last time that Jess� cousins stayed here we were told that �it wasn�t their fault they didn�t know how to flush a toilet�. These kids are like 9 and 6. How these kids are gonna grow up able to shoot Palestinians is beyond me. Anyway, that was two years ago so this time I figured we wouldn�t have any of that kind of nastiness to deal with. Boy was I wrong. Last night I�m sat here trying my hardest to ignore everything going on around me by losing myself on the Internet when Jess� aunt comes in and says to her �Can I ask you something?� I could sense Jess rolling her eyes and merely pushed my face closer to the screen. �Sure, ask away,� says Jess. �What here? It�s a little embarrassing.� I sigh to myself knowing exactly what is coming and wishing once again that people could just deal with stuff rather than act like school kids. Jess goes outside of the room with her aunt for �privacy� only for her voice to come booming back into the room Brian Blessed style � �CAN I BORROW A SANITARY TOWEL?� Now the thing is that there�s nothing remotely embarrassing about menstruation unless you are about twelve years old and to be honest I doubt it�s a big deal then. Now whether this is some screwed up Israeli �women know their place� bullshit or just the actions of a very immature woman in her 40s I have no idea and what�s more I don�t care. The only information I received from this exchange is that the woman is still capable of producing offspring � a truly terrible thought seeing as I�ve been throwing the current two out of this room all day. Anyway, as I said, none of this should raise an eyebrow or be the least bit blog worthy but a little while ago I go into the toilet and raise the seat to be confronted with a mountain of bloodstained toilet roll. Not just a few pieces, oh no, about six rolls of the stuff forming this large paper installation piece smeared not with the light sprinkling of blue water that we get on the tampon adverts, but more like the finale of The Wild Bunch. To quote Withnail and I there was �matter�. It looked like Kennedy had made it to the bathroom after getting out of the car in Dallas. Now I�m not writing about this to have a go at women - I�m sorry that half the population has to deal with so much bodily detail while blokes just go around looking for something to fuck. All I�m trying to understand is how difficult can it really be to flush a toilet in someone else�s house. I�m a vegan for fuck�s sake � show a little respect. Quick hi to the browsers who found me by doing a google search for �sexy secretaries pics�. Nice to know that there are people out there reading this with their underwear off. Seeing as I�ve probably already offended a lot of people I�ll carry on while I�m on a roll. I just put up a reaction to the terrible events of the past few weeks in Soham. After all that I just know you want to hire me � I�ve finally got around to adding stuff to the work section, speaking of which I�ve got a lot to finish before Tuesday. Mike is blogging to: Big Black � the only effective way to keep children out of a room

"MINI-ME - YOU COMPLETE ME" Cool - biggest news for a while is that I landed myself another gig - this time writing for Book Slut. I'm pretty excited about this, as Jessa's website is the kind of intelligent book orientated site that I've been trying to get involved with for a while now. OK let me hit you with that shedload of links that I promised yesterday before I start rambling on. First off is an interview with Henry Rollins, probably the closest thing to a hero that I have left (this link was originally on Jessa's blog). There's been a lot of interest in the upcoming anniversary of 9-11 but this article looks at just how the skies over America came to be emptied so quickly - it's an interesting read and I guess there will be more and more stuff coming out about the events of that day as time goes on. Here's a product I found via Simon. If you have a girlfriend who likes drinking smoothies this may just be a godsend. Nice little battle developing here. Guy has a website named Davezilla and in steps the owners of the Godzilla 'name' to try and tell him he's somehow ripping them off. Glad to say that Dave quickly changed his mind about giving in to the bastards and is now sticking to his guns and keeping his little dragon guy logo. Check out the latest addition to the war on terrorism: robotic cows of war! This is a story that Jess loved. You can't really imagine President Blair doing the same thing. We have the technology: "All I can do is stare. The man has computer jacks sunk into both sides of his skull". Glad to know that History isn't a mystery to all Americans - John Ashcroft's plans for camps have a nice SS feel about them. Someone took a wrong turn somewhere because one of our spaceships is missing. The fact that shit like this could only happen in San Francisco is one of the reasons why I'm moving there. This is one of the best uses I've ever seen Flash put to - simple and effective. This is a 30 minute lecture on 'free source' and why we should all be fighting for it. Even if you think you're not interested you should listen - if you are using a computer to read this (duh!) then it really is a relevant subject and if nothing else you'll learn why we should be craving for the good old days of 1790. Want to see what the future holds? Give these guys $10 and they'll invest it for you to pay for a time-travel trip once the technology is available and affordable. Sounds crazy but how many people already want their heads frozen for similar reasons? That's enough things to click for now. Today was pretty good but the house is now very full. It's getting close to 1 am and I think everyone may be asleep at last - then again it may just be the loud music I have on that is drowning them all out. The mailart project is now in the hands of Ramsey - let's hope it's safer in his home than a dalek would be. Went out last night with gang from Ott. Happy Birthday to Sarah (for Thursday) and Ally (for Saturday). Lunch with Mark today - all we did was talk about the genius of Peter Kay but I'll be working on a website for him some time in the future. Tomorrow I'll be working on Duncan's site flat out to get it ready for launch before he leaves for Helsinki. After that it's back to the writing. I did spend a large portion of this evening building my own avatar: He's not quite there yet but I'm so pissed off with looking at a screen full of magnified pixels that at this moment in time it seems like a lot less hassle for me to change into him rather than the other way around... Mike is blogging to: a Julia compiled CD

�SOME PEOPLE WITHOUT BRAINS DO AN AWFUL LOT OF TALKING� I�ve been up since 5am when something flew through the open window and stung me on the leg � still hurts now. Tomorrow Jess� relatives descend on us from Israel. They usually come each year for around a month but this year we decided we would only be able to accommodate them for a week or so. They are very high maintenance. Thankfully I have enough work to get through to keep me in seclusion up until we get on the plane to Stockholm this coming Tuesday. We will be meeting up with Camilla once we get over there � I worked with her briefly about 2 years ago now so it�ll be interesting to catch up and get a perspective on the city from a local. The whole thing will be a nice break so that we can get down to the serious work of selling the house on our return. That on top of my new job at Borders should keep me pretty busy. September is going to be a pretty full on month - Duncan is moving to Helsinki and Frank is going back to Oz. We have a house to sell, a new one to buy and a new job to start. Both Jess and I have birthdays � hers on the eleventh will be in the shadow of the 9-11 anniversary but she turns 21 so we�ll have a good time no matter what. My own on the 16th will probably be no big deal. I don�t really �do� birthdays and will probably just go see some movies or something � I am told that because I will be 30 this is some kind of �event� but the prospect of waving goodbye to my twenties is not a dire one. The whole ageing thing doesn�t really bother me. In fact, I like the occasional white hair appearing in my beard � it just reminds me to keep having fun and do whatever the fuck I want because none of this is forever. The gig last night was a subdued affair � I really liked The Lumiere Brothers � vocalist/guitarist Shireen Liane used to be in The Slingbacks whom I always had a soft spot for. Will try and see them again next month. The evening before we go to Helsinki we are due to see The Donnas at The Garage � should be good fun. I may have some more spare tickets for Fugazi in November � as soon as I know I�ll let you know. We also got some tickets for The Get Up Kids which neither Jess or I remember ordering � odd, but its still a night out. No links at the moment but I have a shedload of writing to do this afternoon while Jess is out, so I�ll blog with links a plenty later today. Enjoy the sun people. Mike is blogging to: Stop Making Sense by Talking Heads

BMX BANDITS Less ranting today... I�m supposed to be working on something to do with disability rights and the Constitution for a tomorrow morning deadline but figured I�d get the blog out of the way before I get stuck into American politics again. I�d usually leave something like that until the night before but tonight we are off to the Camden Underworld to see Katastrophy Wife, Rock of Travolta, Hyper Hyper Girl Lover and Lumiere Brothers. Should be fun but I�m hoping to be in no condition to start writing when I get home. Since I stopped drinking I tend to concentrate more on the music and less on making a nuisance of myself in the pit but I still enjoy getting bashed around a little. The audiences are getting younger and a lot less violent which is probably a good thing for an old dinosaur like me � one good kick to my brittle bones and I�d be a goner... seems like only yesterday I was getting kicked in the head at my very first Motorhead gig. Speaking of Lemmy � I was amused to see that he is playing Wembley � jesus � I love Motorhead to bits but I�d never go to a soulless place like that to see them � even though Anthrax are supporting which makes the whole thing more tempting but I�ll wait and hope that both bands have the good sense to play some smaller gigs before they get lost at Wembley. Thinking of all those old metal gigs I used to go to as a kid got me thinking of some of the other music I was into back then. I�m pretty sure the first gig I ever went to was Youth of Today playing at the Den in my old home town of Wigan. Odd to think that Wigan was a semi frequent stop on the old hardcore circuit but I saw a lot of sweaty American skinheads scream at me just a few minutes up the road from my house. Odd. I remember seeing Jailcell Recipies a few times too. In fact I think I once saw them play in Alan�s record shop � the old tiny one that used to be tucked down a side street. I used to spend all my money at Alan�s and in fact I may have bought my very first BMX from him once my old Raleigh Striker had died on me. Fuck, that seems like a long time ago. Alan is still there and doing well from the look of things. I don�t get back to Wigan very often but the next time I�m there I�ll have to pop in � that guy introduced me to Ministry. I found a pretty recent interview with ex members of Jailcell Recipies: �people would come and watch any old rubbish in Wigan� - too true. There�s a first. I never thought I�d ever get nostalgic about Wigan. Ha � you live and learn. In amongst the mail today (mostly from the local pizza establishments begging me to reconsider my veganism) was a letter for Jess� dad, Frank, from the University of Tokyo. It seems to be an invite to the International Conference on Multisensor Fusion and Integration for Intelligent Systems. I like Frank a lot � he�s a cool guy with a nice family and a killer job � some of his work is orbiting the earth as we speak (or as I type and you read) so its little wonder that he arches his eyebrow whenever we talk about my own �career choices� � don�t get me wrong, he�s not DeNiro in Meet the Parents, but I do get the idea that he believes there is more to life than selling books. But then again I�m a pretty well rounded guy (despire my hatred of Elvis and Macs) and Jess is happy � life at the moment is pretty much stress free and I wouldn�t want to change that for a career ladder or even a Puch Murray or Mongoose. For those of you that are interested (and I know Stu loves this crap) this is the latest place that we fell in love with. It�s still being renovated but its very plush. Putney was not our first choice but this place is just unique enough to grab our interest. The more modern conversions we look at the more depressingly similar they become so from now on we are looking for something just that little bit out of the ordinary. That�s all for now � I�m rambling and I�ve got work to do. Mike is blogging to: Positive Outlook by Youth of Today

�A BIG MAC'S A BIG MAC, BUT THEY CALL IT LE BIG MAC� I�m not sure who�s feathers got ruffled the most � the idiot Mac users or the idiot Elvis fans � fuck the lot of you, I�m right, you�re wrong and if you disagree you can go fuck off and cry somewhere else about it. Elvis was a redneck that had a thing for 14-year-old girls who later became a fat-neck that had a thing for 14 layer cheeseburgers. The next time you begin to utter how great he was go sit down and attempt to watch one of his movies or watch him waddle onto the stage in Las Vegas and try and restrain himself from eating one of the audience. If by King you mean the King of dying on a fucking toilet then yes I agree. Macs are nothing more than glorified set decoration for the insecure and yes thank you I do know what they look like so you can quit sending me your pretty jpgs. I also know what Julia Roberts looks like but I�d rather sit down and have a conversation with an ugly fuck like Charles Bukowski than a shallow one-dimensional piece of fluff. PCs are ugly and hell mine is probably uglier than most but there isn�t a single site that I can�t access nor a single piece of software that I can�t use. Would I be happier to use that functionality in exchange for a makeover so that it looked more like a bloated reading lamp? I don'� think so. Go and play with your PhotoShop extensions you inbred clique of posers. Mike is blogging to: eighty six � What�s My Problem Today ?

"HAIL TO THE KING, BABY!" I'm shattered. What the fuck is all this Elvis crap about? He was just Evel Knievel without the bike. Mike is blogging to: terrible Elvis shit on the TV and its making me crave for a cheeseburger...

"I HATE SLOPPY SECONDS" The good thing about working at a cinema is that you get to watch a lot of films. The bad thing about working at a cinema is that you get to watch a lot of films. I just saw Men in Black II - I felt like apologising to people as they left but then again they paid to see it. On a better note I got home and was given an advance copy of the new Sam Shepard short story collection - excellent. I'm working all day tomorrow - a double shift so I may not get a chance to update until the early hours. Monday we have a couple more houses to look at but I'll try and get through my email then. I just checked out what's better? which is a typical am I hot or not variation but it was interesting to see the top ten votes and then compare them with the bottom ten - the way I read it we should all be agreeing that: Yoda is btter than AIDs, The Simpsons are preferable to Osama Bin Laden, terrorism is a bad thing compared to a sexy Naboo chick, girls kissing each other rocks but Islamic terrorists suck, Milla Jovovich wins out over hunger, girl love is everything that Adolf Hitler wasn't, a wet Kirsten Dunst is better than the whole of Nazi Germany, Christina Ricci puts white supremacy to shame, Homer Simpson is of course on higher ground than any prejudice and the terrible events of 9/11 are nothing when compared to the charms of Jessica Alba. That list is actually not radically different from some of the American text books I've worked on... Mike is blogging to: Fevers and Mirrors by Bright Eyes

"VERY FEW CARTOONS ARE BROADCAST LIVE. IT'S A TERRIBLE STRAIN ON THE ANIMATOR'S WRIST" Not a lot to talk about this evening - I just added a pile of blogs to the right so now you can have a look at what other people have to say. I'm trying to catch up on my reading - I got a small pile of comics to get through - I just re-read The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen in order to enjoy Volume 2 and am re-reading The Dark Knight Returns to build up to the final part of DK2 which I just picked up. The new Battle of the Planets was good too. Best read at the moment is Donna Tart's The little Friend - finally got my excited hands on it thanks to Duncan. I'm about half way through and I'm pleased to say its fucking great: "He was hanging by the neck from a piece of rope, slung over a low branch of the black-tupelo that stood near the overgrown privet hedge between Charlotte's house and Mrs. Fountain's; and he was dead. The toes of his limp tennis shoes dangled six inches above the grass. The cat, Weenie, was sprawled barrel-legged on his stomach atop a branch, batting, with a deft, feinting paw, at Robin's copper-red hair, which ruffled and glinted in the breeze and which was the only thing about him that was the right color any more." Good stuff. After that I'll move onto Twelve which I've been wanting to read for a while. I was checking the blog's stats recently and I just wanted to say a big hello to the lucky person who stumbled onto me after putting the following words into google: "Scooby fucks Daphne" Nice. Mike is blogging to: Fevers and Mirrors by Bright Eyes

"IF THESE BIG STARS DIDN'T WANT PEOPLE GOING THROUGH THEIR GARBAGE AND SAYING THEY'RE GAY THEN THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE TRIED TO EXPRESS THEMSELVES CREATIVELY" My mate Richard just got his letter printed in the Guardian complaining about the unfair bias towards PCs and away from his beloved Mac. After giving this matter careful thought and consideration I have come up with the following unbiased response: Mike is blogging to: Desaparecidos: Read Music Speak Spanish

"SORRY I WAS LATE. WORK WAS MURDER" Cool storm huh? Yesterday was a good day. I finally fixed a banged up old notebook and got it back on its feet - damned thing's been annoying me for weeks but I finally fixed the fucker. On top of that we saw a near perfect place that we'd both actually like to live in - a newly converted church hall! It's huge, well within our price range and has the added bonus that God has been evicted from it. Still lots of places to see but that is the one that we have to beat. So what else? The newly launched artmail project will be on its way first post tomorrow, I'm building a website for Duncan and maybe another one for Mark - should keep me busy - just got some more writing work too - sheesh - so, now to the news: Could it be that the Yanks have finally figured out that Saudi Arabia is just as fucked up as any other terrorist state? What are the odds that they'll turn their attention to Israel next? Ha - America looking for terrorists is actually a little like Willem Dafoe wondering who the Green Goblin is. But then again what do you expect from a President that actually incited riots to gain the White House? But I guess now that the war on terrorism is going so well that we can forgive him - after all look at all the people we helped in Afghanistan - can't wait to start helping the poor oppressed people of Iraq next. Plus we can do whatever we like now that even tiny terrorists can't get onto planes. Maybe the FBI have watched Small Soldiers one time too many but then again when you remember we are regularly fingerprinting schoolchildren maybe they know something we don't. Of course the next step after fingerprinting the kids is getting them tattooed right - glad that's a long way off though, I mean it's pure science fiction right... oh but then again... One news article I can't take the piss out of is this - fucked up. Lighter stuff? Worried about the Oasis accident? Fuck those idiots - a real rock legend almost died recently! Who new light entertainment could be so dangerous? And finally one for MagnoliaFans everywhere - Movie Poopshoot comes to life via Kevin Smith. It's not as funny as it wants to be but I did find this for all you super hero Clerks fans. And to finish on a more sombre note I came across this as I was sorting out some of my old junk... Mike is blogging to: weird low budget sci fi horror in Cube

"WOMEN ARE STILL WORTH TEN POINTS MORE THAN MEN IN ALL AGE BRACKETS BUT TEENAGERS NOW RACK UP 40 POINTS" I just found out that I am worth $2,381,050 thanks to humanforsale.com. In English money I'm worth about 1,523,255 quid and fifty seven pence. Nice to know but I don't think I'll put myself up on ebay just yet. Speaking of money, we had the house revalued a few days ago and it looks like it's worth about �50,000 more than the last estimate from six months ago. London prices are just crazy but I'm not complaining... another bit of good news is that I'll probably get my grubby little mits on the new Donna Tartt novel tomorrow although I'll probably only have 24 hours to read it - I'm beginning to feel like Keifer Sutherland already... Mike is blogging to: Frank Zappa - The Man from Utopia

"THE LINKS, THE BEAUTIFULLY CONDITIONED LINKS ARE SMASHED" Didn't get a chance to blog yesterday - had to do a shift at the cinema and a piece of writing on Internet surveillance before killing some innocent people on GTA III. I did get some interesting links together though although because it�s taken me the better part of a day to get back here some of these stories may be old news now. Anyway for what they're worth... Stupid linking policies exposed - damn some people are stupid. There's space for every hobby and love on the Internet but sometimes two subcultures meld together with horrible consequences - for example, what happens if you like carving emu eggs and have a passion for Star Trek? This! I'm also willing to bet that this guy is a big fan of Star Trek, if so he's going to be disappointed when the hooker you buy him looks more like Scotty than Seven of Nine. Want something else to blame on Bush? How about monsoon failure? If he doesn't give a fuck that his pilots are flying on speed then I guess the fact that he stopped the rain doesn't matter either. We can only hope that all the new security around the president since September 11th has overlooked this popular American death threat - if anyone can do it Bush can. Of course if Bush did stumble to his death out of the White House windows, pants around his ankles, you can be sure that it would be covered up (sorry - terrible gag), after all the American military is good at cleaning up its mess. A little more fun is had in taking the clothes and other things away from Britney but if all that naked flesh isn't enough for you check out how to make a vagina from an old set of balls and a small unused penis. That takes a while to load and you may want to vomit afterwards. Cheer yourself up with this ragged French rabbit and then check out some really bad music coupled with nice infographics (RealPlayer required). Mike is blogging to: the Bottle Rocket Soundtrack

"YOU DON'T KICK A MAN IN THE PILLS... IT'S JUST NOT CRICKET" I�ve been getting a lot more people hanging around the site lately � I guess sizemore is like one of those dimly lit street corners that attracts bored kids, fallen women and kerb-crawlers. Nice to see a few people popping in from Japan alongside the usual Americans and Brits. A few of you have pointed out again that I share the same name as a certain cricketer. I tend to accept the fact that he�s around but am quite happy that he�s the one wasting his time hitting a ball with a stick while I'm free to poke fun and call him a wanker. A while ago I was toying around with the idea of changing my name by deed-poll � not for any real reason, not even because of the cricket guy but simply because I always thought 'Atherton' was a seriously dull name � I don�t really feel any attachment to it and as far as family goes I seem to be the last of the line. I do kind of like the idea of killing it off � fuck the ancestors, they were a dull bunch anyway and I�m quite happy to have no association with them - the whole tradition of hanging onto the male name is archaic and stupid, no wonder people enjoy coming online and calling themselves big_c0cK or TwaTgal. Anyway, I was going to change my name last October as soon as we got back from San Francisco but then planes started hitting buildings and Jess reminded me that it was probably not the best time to start getting a new identity and passport- then we decided on travelling a lot more so I put the idea on hold because I didn't want to give up all my documents just yet, although its one idea that I�ll probably dust off in a year or two once I�m a little more settled. At the time of course lots of people had suggestions of new �brands� for me � here�s a few of them: Mike Sizemore (of course) Helmut Van Dosen Jnr Mike B Free Ray Townsend Mike @ Mike L Kane Mike McCabe Michael Anthony Blair Mike �Books� Bookerton Mike �The Daddy� Bookowski Patrick Bateman Phil Tufnell Mike Turbulence Mike Vader William Hague The Artist Formally Known As... Mike Hatton-Smythe Phil McRaviss Mike Skywalker Mike Mallet Mike Indofguy Spiegland Miller Mike Regina And last but not least Mike Hunt Feel free to send in any more suggestions... One thing that really pissed me off today was Channel Four � why do television companies decide that certain viewers have the relevant attention spans to watch, for example, a cricket match or a bunch of men cycling around France but as soon as its a four hour movie with subtitles they hack it in half. Lagaan: Once Upon a Time in India is a four hour movie � at no point during its shooting did the director say "ahh, this will be a perfect time to stop the movie and make the audience wait 22 hours for the second part". What is the point of putting an 'epic' movie on the TV just to treat it worse than a soap opera omnibus? Why is Lawrence of Arabia never cut in this way or The Seven Samurai? Damn that put me in a bad mood � the only movie ever made that has cricket in it and remains involving and they mutilate it. Bastards. I�ll try and stay off the cricket now. Idiotic game. Anyway, after that we went out into town... Jess has a short memory when it concerns me and shopping. It�s usually on the King�s Road that I explode � all those pointless bastards with their sunglasses planted firmly on top of their heads buying overpriced crap for their overpriced homes. I usual mutter softly at the beginning of these excursions but it soon builds into a loud rant directed at complete strangers and the poor souls who work in these places (�I�d like to work in Habitat because I have a passion for light fittings � please shoot me�). Because of the arguments I get into and the abuse I inevitably hurl we haven�t actually been on the King�s Road in about a year. Today we braved Tottenham Court Road instead which I will admit is not as bad as it has less rich-pondlife growing on it BUT it was Saturday and I was already in a dark mood thanks to Ch4 so it wasn�t long before Jess began to sense things were going to go mike-shaped. She suggested I should get a new jacket, the reasoning being that if I looked less like the Una-bomber I might actually lighten up. This was in reference to my favourite green jacket which is actually just the chemical weapon proof lining of a regular US army jacket which I picked up in a New York thrift store for $5. I like it � it goes well with my Evil Dead t-shirt. So about ten minutes after this suggestion and a quick walk around some god-awful shop I decide to go sit out in the street outside and start begging for spare change while trying my best to look like a potential terrorist. We got quite a few stares with me drooling and Jess calling me an idiot. So that took about thirty minutes to simmer down until I felt I had vented enough outrage at finding myself out amongst the general population of London and was finally ready to resume shopping. So after all that we managed to spend almost �100 on not a lot before trudging back home on the train with the rest of the cattle Shindlers List style. Jess despairs of me and for good reason. If nothing else at least you guys out there can be happy in the knowledge that you don�t have to go out with me... Oh and fuck the Men in Black and their piss poor shampoo tie-in television advertising... what next? Carrie sponsored tampons? Mike is blogging to: Danzig III - How the Gods Kill

THE SUM OF THE ANGLES OF THAT RECTANGLE IS TOO MONSTROUS TO CONTEMPLATE! Jess is out in Brixton tonight leaving me to watch Race with the Devil - a nice slice of 70's weirdness with Peter Fonda and Warren Oates pursued by satanists in a large recreational vehicle. I'll also add a few more sites to the links page but for now you should check out grayblog who kindly linked to me earlier today and This Place Called Home which has some nice Bush monkeys, London inspired tshirts and a great penguins in space game. Cool. I'm still annoyed that we haven't had Reign of Fire here - you'd think we'd get first go at it seeing as it's set in London but oh no. Anyway, ever wondered what would happen if dragons really did attack the world? This guy has - and of course he's ex-navy so he thinks the dragons would get their butts kicked. I love blogs - Isn't it great that so many people have so much fucking time on their hands? Mike is blogging to: retro Star Trek but I'd rather watch Quantum Leap

"SOMETIMES THE SHEPHERD NEEDS THE COMFORT OF THE SHEEP" Jess is watching The Ice Storm so I have to type quietly... Richard put me onto these guys for all my brand new DVD needs - lots of cool region 1 titles and dirt cheap. Remember the Tenenbaums Criterion disc I mentioned a while back - get it from the States and it'll set you back thirty dollars plus postage then you've gotta sit back and wait hoping the postoffice don't hit you with an extra charge. get it from cd-wow for 12.99 and free postage - pretty damn good. Good stuff to follow: Why we blog, New Donna Tartt novel on the horizon, Mr T vs Anthrax, and this hellish blog that I found yesterday. Many people started out on AOL - many people grew sick of it but how many people actually keep in touch with the idiots they met in chatrooms? There but for the grace of... I was pissed off to read about the death of actor Tony Anholt in the paper today. His obituary concentrated on his role in crappy Brit soap Howard's Way but fuck that shit. He played Tony in Space: 1999 and Paul in The Protectors - he also popped up in The Sweeny, Jason King, Minder, and the disco episode of Terry & June... fucking star! Mike is blogging to: Sigourney Weaver on a water-bed