"IF YOU CAN'T SHARE YOUR SECRETS WITH YOUR FRIENDS THEN WHAT KIND OF FRIEND ARE YOU?" I don't like many magazines. Most of them are turgid and unreadable and so HIP that they make you want to puke. In Borders the other day I saw a 'magazine' that was nothing but a piece of wood that had been blasted with a shotgun. �15. Fucking wankers. Anyway. I've found a good one. It's called smoke - a london peculiar. It's nicely done and should be read by anyone with a passing interest in London. If like me you live here then you really do need to read it. You can pick it from Foyles for the tidy little sum of �1.70 or drop me a line and I'll get a copy out to you. Trust me - it rocks. Mike is blogging to: Fugazi

"WHO EAT'S ROCKS?" I just found out that after Guillermo del Toro has finished his versions of Hellboy and The Creature from the Black Lagoon he is turning his talent loose on an HP Lovecraft movie. I am very excited. Mike is blogging to: nothing

"WHACKING DAY IS A SHAM! IT WAS ORIGINALLY CONCEIVED IN 1922 AS AN EXCUSE TO BEAT UP ON THE IRISH" I do get to meet some interesting people in this job: "We are particularly pleased that Mr Adams had agreed to take time out of an exceptionally busy schedule to meet for once with leading booksellers such as yourself, and with some of the literary media. And I want to invite you now to take a unique opportunity to meet with Gerry Adams and to hear him talk about his book at a private meeting prior to the reception..." I will be asking him probing questions such as "Do you think Brad Pitt should avoid Irish accents from now on?" More later. Mike is blogging to: nothing

"AND WHEN I AWOKE I WAS ALONE, THIS BIRD HAD FLOWN" I'll get back this evening and do a real update but here are the highlights of the last few days: I went to see Eric Schlosser speak last night and he was excellent. He'd popped into the store earlier and was very cool - "Don't make the the mistake that Bush is dumb, he's just illiterate..." - but I had no idea that Blackwell's were running an event until Maria invited me along. Thank you. His new book Reefer Madness looks better than Fast Food Nation - you should check it out. Like Michael Moore without the gags. One cool author per week is usually enough for me but on Monday night I got to meet Haruki Murakami. I guess this is the equivalent of a Christian getting to finger Christ's wounds. Or something. Anyway... fucking hell. He was awesome. And for the record he mentioned the tattoo first. Ha. He was also one of the funniest authors I've met in a long time - "Sometimes a well is just a well..." - I guess you had to be there. I've just been asked for a favour so I've got to run. More later. Mike is blogging to: nothing

"..........." Hey you. I just heard about the surgery news. I'm sorry. Hope it all goes well. I'm always open to being the punched bug. And the distraction of the poorly named website is always an option. Wish I could do more. Mike is blogging to: nothing

"I LOVE THIS MUSIC. ISN'T IT TOO DREAMY?" Though a blatant act of Daisidity I seem to have two extra tickets for the Alkaline Trio gig on Sunday the 11th of May. Give me a shout if you wanna come along. "Mike is blogging to: the Twin Peaks: Fire Walk WIth Me soundtrack

"SHUT UP, I'M HAVING A RHETORICAL CONVERSATION" Hello Blog Hello Mike How've you been? A bit thin. You? A bit fat. I missed you blog. I missed you too Mike. Can we be friends again? Sure. But what about all the other... Oh it's just you and me again Blog. You and me against the world? Yes. Just like the good old days. Monitors will shake when you load, hard drives will melt... Girls will send you naked photos again... Only if there's a God. Excellent. Awesome. Mike is blogging to: Slip it in by Black Flag

"WHAT IS YOUR FASCINATION WITH MY FORBIDDEN CLOSET OF MYSTERIES?" Ever been spinejacked? You will be... Mike is blogging to: shh - it's a secret

"A DREAM TO SOME, A NIGHTMARE TO OTHERS" Didn't get to see Bulletproof Monk last night but did enjoy conversation and a lot of rain instead. The tube was screwed on my way home and I was soggy so my mood should have been dark but I knew I had some cool stuff waiting for me at home. The ever wonderful Jen had sent me a package that included the latest Love Bunni Press release Stainless Steel Lens: "Intrigued by the prospect of visiting the deserted compound, I trekked out to 5th and Juneau one chilly autumn day and shot a series of photos that I hoped would entertain my friends..." Well entertained I am. It's a beautiful work and I hope the idea of it sitting here in central London so far away from Milwaukee gives Jen a buzz. There is even a page of introduction by that renowned hack Xerxes Piche - I can reveal that despite his being scared of photography, fearful of women over the age of 16 and terrified of the FBI he is still strong in his convictions. That is one guy who will never have any truck with the new fandangled interweb. Not unless Microsoft produce software that you can photocopy and paste onto the surface of the monitor... Last night I attempted to be good and went to bed at 3am. I had the usual dreams of beautiful drugged up young ladies cavorting about my bedroom only to realise at 5am that I was awake and that the two E'd up young creatures hovering above me were very very real. So much for sleep. Well I guess I can catch up on that tomorrow... Mike is blogging to: the gentle hum of commerce

"NO GROWTH WITHOUT RESISTANCE. NO ACTION WITHOUT REACTION. NO DESIRE WITHOUT RESTRAINT" Best conversation today so far: Hi! How are you today? Well Mike, today I feel like a pyramid that is missing the pointy bit from the top. Hmmm Actually now I think about it I feel more like just the pointy bit but missing the base. I'm very floaty. Hmmm. Ok then... Must be a Swedish thing. Last night was the William Gibson event. Good fun. Don DeLillo and Margaret Atwood next... I just ordered the new domain name for The Secret Project so I guess I can take the bandages off that soon... Tonight a monk (Chow Yun Fat), a punk (me I guess), a chick (the lovely Daisy) and a kick-ass flick (Bulletproof Monk) are all in order. Should be fun... Also it's that time of the month again: Yep - payday. Be nice to have food in the house again... Mike is blogging to: Johnny Cash

"..............." Well another very productive day draws to a close... Jess was funny this evening: "I've never seen you this busy... is this what you were like before we met?" Pretty much - yes. Its amazing how focussed you can become when regular sex is no longer an option... More later - I need to rest my eyes. Mike is blogging to: birdsong

"FOX FORCE FIVE" That was not nice in so many ways... I am now going to soak in the bath for 12 hours and scrape my retinas clean. Bleargh. Mike is blogging to: nothing

"DIE ANOTHER DAY" I'm starting to feel more human - I may even shave some of this unibomber beard off later. I actually got to bed at a reasonable hour - around 1am - and slept through until 6am. Wonderful. The people I work with were very understanding - they know I'm an idiot - and now today is my day off. I should be able to get quite a bit of stuff done but I have a nasty job to get out of the way first. Yesterday the neighbours let us know of a smell coming from our Evil Dead shed. This resulted in both Jess and I walking towards the shed and then running away in horror at the stench coupled with whatever we'd find inside. Much name calling later (and with me pushing her in first) we found a poor bastard dead fox. Been there a while... So now I've got to get rid of the poor guy. I cleared away all the crap that was hiding the body this morning but it's a small shed and the air is really bad. Now I've had a good look there's not much left but what is there is messy and foul. Death sucks. I guess I've now got to go dig a grave... not what I envisaged doing with my day off... On a happier note Madonna is a stupid bitch. Did you read the crap in the paper yesterday about her 'war' with music pirates? It seems that she has flooded file sharing networks such as Kazaa with fake MP3s that match the length of tracks on her new album exactly. The idea being that she'll piss people off when they waste time downloading what they think is the new album only to find all they have is her asking "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" looped over and over again. For once I totally agree with her. I don't think anyone should illegally attempt to download the album from Kazaa. You can download the whole thing in under five minutes from here in a handy zip file instead I tested the tracks and it is the full album so you can download it in the good knowledge that you'll soon have the damn thing (it came out yesterday I believe) and she won't see a penny of your hard earned cash. Fuck her and her money. By the way the album sucks worse than a chest wound but if making it available pisses her and her wankstain husband off then cool. Tell your musically impaired friends. Mike is blogging to: real music you stupid bitch

FUCK ISRAEL I am now fighting the good fight and am in the process of rescuing Paddington Bear from the hands of extremists. More on that later... Quick note: My name is Mike Atherton. I am always amused when people call me Mike Sizemore and it's perfectly understandable. Longtime readers will know I came very close to changing ny name last year just for the hell of it. Mike Sizemore would have been the new name on my passport. Anyway... one of you guys came into Foyles yesterday asking for Mike Sizemore - sorry I wasn't around to be stalked in person. I'm always up for coffee but its probably better to give me a call first then you know I'm around. 07986809107 In the middle of writing this I just got my hands on an advance copy of the new JG Ballard due out in September. HOOYAR My job fucking rules... Mike is blogging to: nothing

"I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE HERE TODAY" OK. Here is what I learned so far today: 1. When still half asleep and talking to German girls don't lift your arm in greeting and slur the word "Hi" at them at the same time. Apparently it can be mistaken for a "Heil". 2. Swedish girls are probably smiling at you because they've only been in the country a few months and have no idea what you are talking about. They don't want to marry you. 3. Relying on your special bookselling powers is not as reliable as simply checking your rota. Yes. Today is my day off. And yet through a dazzling display of fuckwittery here I am... Awesome. Mike is blogging to: nothing

"PERVERT, EH? SEX ON THE BRAIN! WET THE BED, I'LL BET, AS A BOY. NO SISTERS!" To make matters worse I am now jealous of a skin stimuli generator: Climbing shoulder blades - lucky little robot bastard. Trawling through the blog stuff I found a cool pic of Ani Moller: and a not so cool pic of Ev Head's new shoes: Green Puma's are soon dislodged from my mind by Chuck Palahniuk fan Gina: Just look at the fucking water... why do i live in London again? Oh yeah - because I suck. I am now at that odd hour of night when I try and work out if going to bed is still an option. I'll be at work in four hours. I could try for 2 hours sleep. Or I could watch a movie... Mike is blogging to: nothing

Oh fuck: NEW YORK (AP) -- Nina Simone, the jazz great whose rapsy, forceful voice helped define the civil rights movement, died Monday at her home in France, her manager Clifton Henderson said. She was 70. Simone, who was born in North Carolina, was best known for her interpretation of "My Baby Just Cares for Me" in 1966 and "One Night Stand" a year later. She also recorded the socially conscious songs "Mississippi Goddamn" and "Old Jim Crow." Henderson said she died of "natural causes." Though she remained a top concert draw in her later years, she was quite frail. At a 2001 concert at Carnegie Hall, she had to be helped to the stage, and was later seen sitting backstage in a wheelchair. Simone spent much of her recent time in France. She is survived by a daughter, Lisa, according to Henderson. Simone, born Eunice Kathleen Waymon in Tryon, North Carolina, was a classically trained pianist whose songs ranged from blues to spirtuals to classical fare. But she gained fame in 1959 with her recording of "I Loves You Porgy," from the musical "Porgy & Bess." She later became a voice of the civil rights movement, with her song "Mississippi Goddam," and later, "To Be Young, Gifted and Black." In 1998, she blamed racism in the United States for her decision to live abroad, saying that as a black person she has "paid a heavy price for fighting the establishment." She did not elaborate but said racial inequality in the United States was now "worse than ever." She left the United States in 1973 and lived in the Caribbean and Africa before settling in Europe. Simone, who had a regal presence onstage, enjoyed perhaps her greatest success in the 1960s and 70s, with songs like "I Want A Little Sugar in My Bowl," and "Peaches." She recorded songs from as diverse as Bob Dylan to the Bee Gees and made them her own. Perhaps one of her more popular covers was her version of "House of the Rising Sun."

"YOUR COFFIN OR MINE?" I am starting build up your email addresses again - yay. On a more worrying note a couple of emails may have gone off into the ether and never reached their intended victims. They may have ploughed into some unsuspecting stranger's inbox like an American missile into an orphanage but I have yet to see hard evidence. If anyone starts moaning about it I'll declare they probably sent the rogue email to themselves and then report them to the FBI for being unpatriotic. Is that war thing still going on by the way? Do the poor Iraqi people have Starbucks yet? I'm kind of out of the news loop. Last I saw it was all about the kid we blew up - he's some kind of 'symbol' now right? Of all the good shit we've done... Maybe Ian Brady still has time to give the police a shovel and a map then - I mean if we can fuck kids over and then 'help' them and spin the story to our advantage I think more regular 'monsters' should also be given their chance at playing the good samaritan. Just a thought. Oh and Jessica Lynch... do you think she was in charge of map reading? Anyways... Where the fuck was I? Oh yeah - so I sent some of you email last week that maybe went astray. I'm looking into it now and will send out apologetic follow ups once I know my aim is back. At the moment I am tidying up the webpage, building a new one for THE SECRET PROJECT (RJohn - I'm registering the domain on Friday) and doing intensive research into mythical creatures roaming the streets of fallen Berlin - it seems there were worse things than Russians in the city back in 1945. That is all. Mike is blogging to: Alkaline Trio

"I KNOW WHEN ONE IS DEAD AND WHEN ONE LIVES AND SHE IS AS DEAD AS I" I still miss Vincent Price. In other news: Girls are weird: "Today Spencer told me that he would share a secret with me and then when I refused to listen he touched my armpit. Poked my armpit. Also known as; destroying my comfort zone. I still have no forgiven him, and was almost sent to tears. Come on, everyone knows that my armpits should never be looked at, thought of, and especially touched." Mike is blogging to: Jets to Brazil

HOLY FUCKING FUCK "A John Ford film, missing for more than 70 years, has been discovered in archives in France and will be screened on French television on May 4. The western, Bucking Broadway, stars Ford's favourite silent film cowboy, Harry Carey, who had the lead role in 26 of the director's films, mostly in the Cheyenne Harry series. After Carey's death in 1947, Ford dedicated the film Three Godfathers to the actor, who made the transition to talking pictures and broke out of his stereotyped image to win roles in films by leading directors such as Howard Hawks in the 1930s and 1940s. Patrick Brion, programme director at the France 3 channel, said the find was an exceptional event, comparable to the discovery of a lost painting by C�zanne or an unpublished manuscript by Zola. Bucking Broadway - released in France under the title A l'assaut du Boulevard - is dated 1917, making it one of Ford's earliest films (probably his sixth). He made 140 films in total, including shorts, from 1917 until he retired in 1966 after making Seven Women. He died in 1973 aged 81. Only eight of his 70 silent films are known to exist, although the discovery of Bucking Broadway has raised hopes that more are stored on the miles of shelves in film warehouses in the Parisian suburbs. The print was found during a routine restoration operation in the archives of the Centre National de la Cin�matographie, France's leading film finance organisation. Eighty experts have been given the job of restoring 300,000 reels stored there, dating from 1892 to 1952. More than 10 years after work began, attention was turned to a decaying hour-long reel titled Drame du Far West. Although Harry Carey was quickly recognised, it was some time before its real title was identified. Michelle Aubert who leads the restoration team said: "The copy seems to have turned up here in 1918 through the usual distribution channels. "We were given exceptional subsidies so that we could use modern techniques to eliminate mould and wipe out scratching. "The work was exceptionally difficult. We had to look at 60,000 separate images but the result is an impeccable sepia copy." The film, which will be shown in a regular series called Cin�ma de Minuit, which revives classics, tells a story set in Wyoming in which Cheyenne Harry falls in love with the daughter of his ranch boss. She is carried off to New York by a horse dealer but Carey gets a posse of cowboys together and rides down Broadway to rescue his girlfriend. Anthony Papalia, a critic for Le Figaro, said: "It is a mixture of horse chases and brawls. The actors are so expressive that you think you can hear them talking." This discovery is piquant. A lost film by John Ford (1895-1973) is rescued by Parisian film scholars in the heart of Old Europe. Ford - the author of compelling legends of the American West and still a touchstone for modern US conservatism - was one of the generation of hard-working, prolific directors of the Hollywood Golden Age. Not for him the luxury, or perhaps the burden, of waiting for projects to get the green light. He made 145 features, enough for some to have fallen through the cracks. But to find one of his silent westerns - a film from the dawn of the cinema age by a director who celebrated and even helped to define the modern American epoch - for some, it will be akin to discovering a lost verse from the book of Genesis. Ford directed many kinds of film, but it is for westerns that he will be remembered, particularly those starring John Wayne, the all-American pioneer: tough, laconic, manly, even gallant. Ford made Wayne's weather-beaten face a landscape like that of his beloved Monument Valley. In this post-PC age, Ford's Westerns are celebrated as radical, passionate explorations of American myth and legend where once they were deplored for being reactionary. This is especially true of the film for which he is perhaps most noted - The Searchers - which is about Wayne's obsessive quest to find a niece abducted by Indians. In this newly discovered film, the hero's girlfriend is carried off to New York, and he and his posse ride down Broadway to rescue her. The similarities to The Searchers are obvious: real men ride into town to protect their womenfolk. Hollywood is now buzzing with plans for a movie about the rescue of Private Jessica Lynch. But the best-qualified director for that project is no longer around." 1. Holy fucking fuck. 2. This is more akin to finding out your girlfriend has been hiding an orifice from you. 3. Fuck Private Jessica Lynch. Mike is blogging to: Fugazi

"SORRY, I DON'T SPEAK FREAKY DEAKY DUTCH" Does anyone out there know anything about Dutch pop music? Shannon? Should I really be listening to Trijntje Oosterhuis? Somehow I doubt it... Time to crawl into my Japanese bed. Mike is blogging to: Dyke music

"IT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH SATAN, MAMA. IF I TRY HARD ENOUGH I CAN MOVE THINGS" I am so tired it is untrue. Thank the dogs for HEAVY METAL. My brain hates me - it's been trying to shut down for hours. I have tapped into the same reserves that keep Lemmy ugly and Stephen King productive: World War II and AC/DC Russians riding down Germans into the mud on tanks decked out in medieval trappings - Bon Scott tearing up the speakers like February 20th 1980 never happened. Wonderful. Nazis: looking good in uniform and imaginative soap recipies just aren't enough when faced with a cosack and a big fuck off sword. Quotes of the day: ...she just wants to get in mike's pants... ...was she insane before she met Mike, or has Mike driven her mad with desire? ...i get really weird feelings when i see mike too. i think it is those weird hypnotic patterns of clothing he wears..." You guys kill me. Must... find.... more.... coffee.... Mike is blogging to: Accy/Daccy

"I LOVED YOU AT ALL THE WRONG TIMES" This is exactly how I feel at 4.30 every morning. Time for bed. Mike is blogging to: nothing

Killer fish at work: Churches are cool (god still sucks his own mythical cock):

�JESUS CHRIST BANANAS � SOME FUCKAROW THIS IS TURNING INTO� Thanks for all the email and voiced concern following my little escape from the interweb. I am back and will be posting as regular as ever from now on. Last couple of days I�ve been mad busy but here we go� The most important thing is that I need some of your email addresses again. One of the hard-drives on my PC went KA-FUCK! and most of its contents are now toast. Most of it I can live without but I lost a lot of email. A lot. And so there are some people who will find me very quiet until they get back in touch with me. So if you haven�t heard from me in a while please drop me a line. Two important shouts: Bruce � I have mail for your parents from the land of snow and ice � drop me a line with a forwarding address please. Miguel � I fucked up. I have no idea what your damn email address is. My Portuguese failed after the word �piano�. The script is awaiting your sage like nodding and thunderous head shaking. Just to answer some recurring questions: �Did you take time off to �recover� from the knife-guy?� No. That little escapade is now nothing more than an interesting story to impress girls with. I do tend to skip over the part about me running away like a pussy. �Do you somehow fake the times that you post to make people think you never sleep?� No. What�s so cool about the ability to sit in front of a PC at 4 or 5am? I�m just back in bachelor mode and sleeping is not much of a priority. �Do you still write for Bookslut?� Yes. I�ve been slacking but Jessa is one of many understanding bosses who have cut me a lot of slack. New Mike style Bookslut stuff in the very next issue. �When are you gonna pull your finger out on your oft mentioned SECRET PROJECT?� It�s not �oft-mentioned� here. You guys are lurking after me elsewhere aren�t you? It�s on its way. My new partner in word crime and I have just settled on a nifty name which I will register as a domain name next month. After that I will start mentioning it a lot more right here. �What�s the film thing?� It�s still in its infancy. I am only one of the writers. I�ll keep you posted. I was in a church today � RESEARCH is fun and religious. ALSO: I have the new Alkaline Trio album in advance of its release and it fucking rocks. If you can still get tickets for their gig next month in London you are gonna have some serious fun. Allah Makes My Ass Tired was awesome. Stainless Steel Lens is hot on its heels. You don�t know what you are missing. Tom Sizemore blowing the fuck out of defenceless aliens while flying a Black Hawk attack helicopter accompanied by Morgan Freeman with kung-fu master eyebrows is a scene that should be forcibly inserted into EVERY movie made from now on. But god that was a bad film. Phone Booth was worse. I still choke while watching The English Patient. Thanks to the customer who took time off from treading the boards at The Palace theatre to give me a book. I�m already a few chapters in and it rocks. Thanks to Alice from Canadia (not Oz) for getting back to me regarding her awesome Tank Girl tattoos. I�d love to post em but they went down with the hard-drive. Fuck and blast it. More later � I have my newly upgraded and very stolen Dreamweaver to play with� Mike is blogging to: Alkaline Trio � Good Mourning

"GOD IS IN THE DETAILS" I've got some photos to show some of the stuff I've been up to... I've been wandering around the beautiful green expanses of London: Contemplating the current political shape of things: Demonstrating my right to futile protest: Bonded with the closest thing I have to a panda: Been exploring London in detail: And from afar: And under cover of darkness: All this and season four of Farscape: Awesome. Mike is blogging to: Alkaline Trio - Good Mourning

�YOU SICK FUCK!� My insomnia is back with a vengeance but thankfully this interweb place is damn distracting. I just watched Dreamcatcher and am about half way through Phonebooth. Ripping off movies this bad is very entertaining. I seem to be back online� Mike is blogging to: the best that Hollywood has to offer

Nothing was going to get me back on here for at least three weeks... And then Duncan goes and updates his blog: Bastard. Right, I'm going to go off and skulk again now - play amongst yourselves until I get back or just go and read Duncan's blog. It's the best thing on the interweb: Dear Sir Mr.Tonki I wish to an helper. Beacose my father pensioners. Mather hase not jope. Will yo a kind to halp me for the seck of God. So that I will prush your shose. Your student Yeageresew Demissie.

"DR CHANDRA, WILL I DREAM?" I've decided to take some time away from this place. I'll get April out of the way and then see how I feel about the whole webpage thing... You guys read this stuff so I guess you'll understand. Thank you. Mike is blogging to: nothing

"SUNSHINE CAB 6912" A Chris Ware exhibition is yet another reason to live in San Francisco Mike is blogging to: nothing

PRODUCT PLACEMENT My friends are in here: "PP55 celebrates those laboring in underground zines, books, and comics with a complete cover-to-cover theme issue called THE REVENGE OF PRINT. A few years after Internet pundits declared print �dead� there are still people doing incredible work writing zines, drawing comics, and publishing books. Punk Planet dedicates an entire issue to these great talents. This issue not only features interviews with some of the finest folks working in the underground, but also EXTENSIVE WRITING EXCERPTS from the same folks. So not only do you get to read about these people, you get to read their stuff as well. So who�s in the issue? The powerhouses behind the alt-lit zine MCSWEENEY�S share their secrets in a rare interview. The McSweeney�s piece is accompanied by an excerpt from bestselling author (and McSweeney�s founder) DAVE EGGERS� book �You Shall Know Our Velocity�. Also interviewed (with writing excerpts too): culture jamming zine STAY FREE, punk rock parenting bible HIP MAMMA, zinester extraordinaire IGGY SCAM, rock critic EVERETT TRUE and his new DIY upstart zine CARELESS TALK COSTS LIVES, self-publishers NO MEDIA KINGS and Screeching Weasel playwright JOHN JUGHEAD, underground comix phenom KAZ, activist/author JAMES TRACY, the brains behind ZINE GUIDE, and the zines EMERGENCY and UNCERTAIN NERVOUS SYSTEMS. It ain�t all interviews and writing excerpts in PP55, however. The theme carries over to Punk Planet�s articles section as well, with pieces on FEMINIST BOOKSTORES FIGHT TO STAY ALIVE, ZINE LIBRARIES, TOP SHELF COMICS SUCCESSFUL STRUGGLE AGAINST BANKRUPCY, CHICANO ZINE HASTA CUANDO, and AKASHIC BOOKS� Johnny Temple writes a manifesto for self publishers. Plus, PP55 features all the reviews, columns, DIY, Static, and more that you've come to expect. Plus, PP55 features a cover design by the internationally celebrated designer ART CHANTRY." Buy it if you can. Mike is blogging to: nothing

"SHE PROBABLY KIDNAPPED HERSELF" I have been moaning all morning about the rescue of that poor girly soldier. Synical fuck that I am I found it interesting that the pretty blonde girl was the target of the operation rather than the ugly dumb fucks who also got themselves lost. As usual I find myself not alone. Warren Ellis: "BBC: "...brave Jessica, wrapped in the Stars And Stripes, the symbol of her freedom..." CNN: "...next: a pretty prisoner of war." Oh, and eleven other people may have been found there. But they appear not to have been passably cute white girls, so fuck 'em. Kaveh Golestan, an important documentarian and photographer working with BBC correspondent Jim Muir and producer Stuart Young, died in Iraq yesterday. But BBC News 24 were covering the arrival of the plane carrying Brave Jessica in Germany, and BBCi fucked up the webpage with his obit. Dan Curtis Johnson thinks Brave Jessica will have her Playboy shoot by July. I personally think we'll see her next on American Idol. Colin Powell, reduced to a bagman now his Doctrine of "overwhelming force" has been discarded in favour of Shock And Awe (which didn't actually work, as even the inventor of the doctrine has commented) and putting marines on starvation rations into streetfighting scenarios, has apparently successfully bribed Turkey. This may forestall what looked like an imminent military coup, as allowed by their weird state constitution. Elsewhere, Japan's looking to arm up, because Kim Jong Il scares the crap out of them. Ror. Kim Jong Il scares the crap out of everyone, and the snapshots of life in North Korea are nothing short of surreal. Japan, on the other hand, has been a post-imperialist nation for a very long time, dissolved into a fascinating mess of near-Victorian social confusion and pop culture run riot. Takeshi Kitano runs a TV freak show roughly entitled, "Japan, This Is Where You Went Wrong." And Robert Mugabe is comparing himself fondly to Hitler. Which should come as no surprise to anyone who saw him grow That Moustache some years back. How can you not want to write about the world?" Mike is blogging to: nothing

"ALL I WANTS A TOUCH OF EVIL" Thanks for all the email. I am currently training a small helper monkey in the art of talking bollocks and typing it up for the blog. If for any reason I succumb to the forces of darkness then the monkey will continue the good work I have started here. He has already surpassed me in the art of masturbation. Back to work in seven hours so I should go get some sleep. I dug out a pile of old CDs today so I'm going to drift off in the arms of Judas Priest. Talk to you all tomorrow. Mike is blogging to: nothing

"FUCK IT MAN. LET'S GO BOWLING" The coffee hasn't been working. I now find as soon as I start yawning all I need to do is put a movie on that is impossible to sleep through. Tonight it was The Big Lebowski. Awesome. Mike is blogging to: nothing

"FLASH! I'M IN THE COOLEST DRIVER'S HIGH" A quick note on 'GTO Great Teacher Onizuka'. Remember the Channel Four series Teachers that started off great but crashed into mediocrity before season two? Imagine that with a Japanese twist. The title character is an ex gang leader who becomes a teacher so he can hit on schoolgirls. The longer he stays at it though the more he comes to realise he's great at it. His teaching methods are a little unconventional but effective - he uses a large sledge hammer and night vision goggles. The books are some of the best manga I've read in years. You can't officially get hold of the DVDs in the UK yet but I've seen the first four episodes and although they streamline the plots they are still laugh out loud funny. I'm now trying to track down the live action version. GTO has become something of a phenomenon in the rest of the world (37 million copies of the comic sold while the live action tv show became the most watched programme in Japanese history) but here in the UK we seem content to rewatch old Monkey episodes. Try and get hold of the first volume. If you can't find it locally drop me a line and I'll hook you up. Mike is blogging to: The Big Lebowski

"THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVOURITE THINGS..." Change of pace. One of my newest and bestest friends reminded me of the awsome power of lists the other night. I'll include more of them on here starting with things that currently rock my world in no particular order. 1. GTO or Great Teacher Onizuka 2. Really loud Japanese thrash bands 3. My new SONY Cli� 4. Girls 5. Talking to friends in America at 4am 6. Working at Foyles 7. Coffee 8. Making dumb plans for the future 9. Writing about dogs 10. Not getting stabbed. Mike is blogging to: Grandma's Meat Market

"THAT'S NOT A KNIFE" Enough about comics... Last night someone tried to stab me. No, really. With a knife. London: never a dull moment. I'm on my way to meet Doria around 7.30 last night when this guy on the train platform asks me for a cigarette. I don't smoke so the guy's out of luck. As I move further up the platform I notice that the train is eight minutes away and that the guy is following me. I already have a feeling that there is something dodgy about this guy so I grab my phone and give Jess a call. I turn around and the guy comes up to me and says he 'needs' my phone. I tell him to hang on a second and tell Jess to ring the police. The guy starts fumbling in his pocket. This gives me time to convince Jess that I'm being serious. Not that easy seeing as I convinced her a few days ago that America had nuked Iraq. So I hear her calling the police on the other phone just as the guy pulls out his butterfly knife. Nice. I tell Jess to let the police know that he's now pointing a knife at me. He backs off lowering the knife telling me was only joking. This is when I make something of a tactical mistake and call him "a dumb fucker". Note to self: antagonising knife wielding men is not a good idea. He loses it and comes at me with knife. Watching The Matrix 56 times must have done me some good as I easily dodge the fuck. He steps back for another go but spots a girl on the other platform talking on her mobile. He turns and runs. Now that'd be a pretty good story right there but it gets better... Jess has been hearing this unfold over the phone like a bad radio play. She tells me that the police are on their way and want me to stay put. I see the train coming and moan that I'm going to miss it and be late for my drink with Doria. Then I turn around and see Mr butterfly knife watching me from the station entrance. Nice. The train pulls in and I hop on, figuring the guy would rather me stay on the empty platform with him. He points at me (rather like Donald Sutherland at the end of Invasion of the Body Snatchers) and runs for the train. Interesting. See, the thing is I just assumed the guy would run but it seems he actually did want to do me physical harm. Sheesh - some people are so damn touchy. I close the door but the guy gets on the train in the next carriage. I move to the centre and see him through the door. He sees me and starts walking towards me. The train begins to move. Away from the 'I hope soon to be arriving' police. I pull the emergency cord. Train stops. People look at me. I'm still on the phone to Jess who is relaying this again to the cops. The guy is now in my part of the train so I pocket my phone. Train driver decides its now time to move train again. I pull the emergency cord again. This pauses the guy but not or long. We scuffle slightly but I manage to keep his hand in his pocket. Dumb ass passengers look on as I push him, hard, into the next part of the train. He takes off. Train driver announces we are going to be delayed. No shit Sherlock. I watch the guy try to get off train but the doors won't open. I head for the driver, again letting Jess know I'm ok. By the time the police arrive the guy has forced the door and is gone. We drive around (which was pretty cool but they wouldn't let me play with the siren) but we don't see the guy. The police drop me off and I promise not to listen to any more music that says bad things about them. So now I'm waiting for British Transport Police to get in touch. They will try and lift something useable from the cctv and let me have a look at it. I'm not very hopeful that they'll catch the guy. The cool thing was that Jess relayed all this to Doria who was still online on Punk Planet so when I got home I had a whole bunch of people worried about me. This soon turned into the usual taunting but it was nice. So, I'm ok. I'm very pissed that I didn't hold onto the guy long enough for the police to get there but then again I didn't get myself stabbed. Not having pointy bits of metal shoved into you is always a good thing. Apart from that it was pretty much an average day. "Mike is blogging to: Comfort in Sound by Feeder

"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT SLEEPING, LEON. I WANT LOVE OR DEATH. THAT'S IT" Craig Thompson has already written one of the best graphic novels ever but his follow up to Good-bye, Chunky Rice is due out in July. Here is a single page from Blankets: Another 591 pages of that? Wonderful! Speaking of artwork... Doc sent me a pic of his arm: Now I regret blowing all my spare cash on the Clie. Oh well, it gives me another month to work out what I want next... Mike is blogging to: nothing