THREE DAYS OF THE CONDOR On my way to the American embassy. I could tell you why but then I'd have to kill you. Mike is Blogging to: Mexico traffic

HUTTON - WASHES WHITER THAN WHITE Spent the evening catching up on the news. Yesterday I read a disgarded copy of The Miami Herald - about as informative as a fucking fortune cookie. Now thanks to the interweb I'm drinking coffee and mini bar tequila working out a way to have Blair shot in the face. Put a spin on that you white washing prick. Things in the UK make me want to stay away for longer. Travel broadens the mind alright. And nothing puts a shine on the rest of the world like coming from the dank shithole that is Blair's Britain. Mike is Blogging to: Japanese noise

CAN'T SLEEP, WON'T SLEEP This bed is impossible to sleep in. It's fine for all the other things that beds are used for but the sleeping factor was overlooked. I think we were spoiled at the inn in San Francisco - now that place was comfortable. So I'm wide awake in Mexico. I think I'll go and prowl around the lobby Bill Murray style. Mike is Blogging to: Johnny Cash

MEXPERT Is my word for today and refers to Jess. She is a spanish speaking blur as we negotiate the underground and the occasional ruined pyramid. I discovered through trial and error that the keyboard for this thing works best when pointed straight up at the ceiling. I have lots to post but until we find a more stable connection its staying in the laptop. No AIM or cell phone but feel free to email... Mike is Blogging to: Tom Waits

FUCKER Well we got to Mexico. Sad to have left San Francisco but feel refreshed and ready for some more adventure. This is my first and last experiment with internet TV. Take one crappy infrared keyboard and a network never designed to sit within the confines of the idiot box and you get a very fucking frustrating experience. You have to move the keyboard around the room like a fucking glass on a ouija board to find a place that actually allows you to type. Anyway.... Our Mexican friend, Gaby, and her boyfriend, Bel, met us at the airport. After reading about all the things that can go wrong in this city it was great to have someone on hand to get us aclimatised. Last night as we sat outside a small bar, chatting and drinking tequila we saw a lot of tourists who looked completely overwhemed and nervous. So we crashed early. I only got an hour's sleep the night before the flight so was ready for bed before midnight. Today we explore. Jess has gone swimming - leaving me to get to grips with the crappy technology. I'd better go before I smash the room up.. Mike is Blogging to: Mexican traffic

QUOTE OF THE DAY "I have as much to do with this case as a penguin has to do with Christmas celebrations." Dr Gunther von Hagens aka Dr Death on the dispute over where he got one of his corpses from... (FULL STORY) Mike is Blogging to: more of the same

UNDERGROUND LIBRARY I'm ignoring all the dumb stories about violence and crime in Mexico City and finding stuff like this: Mexico City subway passengers snatched up free books Friday, the first day of a program aimed at turning the capital's vast Metro into an underground library. The city started handing out 250,000 books during the morning rush hour, when commuters relaxed and read a little on a ride that can require some jockeying for space and a sharp eye for pickpockets. The first sprinkling of paperbacks is part of a plan to distribute 7 million books in the next two years, while trusting subway riders to return them. (MORE) Can't imagine them even attempting a scheme like that on the London tube. Also - my friend Daisy has a new blog up: Check it out. Mike is Blogging to: some terrible American cop show

Check out it out, Chuck: Hey Ya, Charlie Brown

NEEDLESS TO SAY, THIS DIDN'T WORK AND EVERYONE DIED Only a day or so left in San Francisco. Only a day or so left in the US. We'll be back in about three weeks. A couple of days in LA before we get another flight to Sydney. Expect me to fall off the radar every now and then but I'll post whenever I'm able. The rest of the night I have some writing to do. Go and read this - preferably outloud to someone naked - it's funny as hell: Jeremy Please a little less drama! Mike is Blogging to: Joan Jett

CRANIOPAGUS PARASITICUS Rare defect, rarer surgery: An international team of doctors hopes to operate next month to remove an undeveloped second head from a baby girl born with the head of an undeveloped twin attached to the top of her skull, facing upward. The infant is otherwise healthy but her brain cannot develop normally unless the undeveloped head is removed, said Dr. Santiago Hazim, medical director at the CURE International Center for Orthopedic Specialties, where the surgery is tentatively set for Feb. 6 or 7. Her condition, craniopagus parasiticus, is so rare that there have only been eight documented cases in the world, and no known cases where surgery has been attempted to correct it, Hazim said in a telephone interview. Mike is Blogging to: Japanese Noise

SLUT PLUG The Scotsman has an article on the importance of blogs. It focuses on Jessa at Bookslut and rightly so. If anyone decides to form a band and call it Slut Plug please let me know. Mike is Blogging to: nothing

BOOTS So we were wandering around this square in Chicago just a few weeks ago wondering what the fuck the big red thing was: The boots that are there now represent the 500 American soldiers killed in Iraq so far. Iraqi civilian deaths so far range from somewhere between 8037 and 9874. Someone needs to keep the chimp in his cage: Mike is Blogging to: Throwing Muses

ONE, TWO, THREE, JUMP! Well Suicide Club was confusing as hell. Very good in parts - especially the musical interlude in the bowling alley lined with people in white linen sacks and squashed animals. The laptop is now multi regional so we can buy as much weird stuff as we need to. China Town alone has stores filled to bursting with movies that I have never even heard of. *WIPES DROOL FROM KEYBOARD* Both Jess and I are in creative mode at the moment. I will be in touch with some of you talented lurkers in the not too distant future. Tomorrow we have a pretty full on day but neither of us is particularly tired despite the fact that we walked for seven hours straight today. I guess I'll be up late. I'll turn on the messenger thing for a few hours in case anyone wants to nab me. And for those of you that need to know - we leave for Mexico on the 25th. Mike is Blogging to: Throwing Muses

3.30AM SNEAKED UP ON ME I suppose I should try and get some sleep... Tomorrow we are watching: I've heard good things. Mike is Blogging to: X

I AM STILL ALIVE Just too comfortable for words in a cosy San Fran B&B in the Mission district. I have been posting a lot more over on THE NAPKIN than I have here. Probably because of the interactive nature of a group blog. I also started something new but have still to decide what to do with it: PROTO I am filling up notebooks though - which is a good thing. I am still sitting in a wardrobe. I think it's because I have never had a cubicle of my own. Mike is Blogging to: nothing

PICS ARE HERE PT II: More Clicky Clicky Mike is Blogging to: Nothing

WEST COAST We arrived in San Francisco after a 30 hour train ride from Denver. Pretty wiped out now and have a few things to do before bed. Tomorrow we are in Palo Alto for the day but I'll update things here when we get back. Hope all is well in the world. PS What the fuck has KILROY been up to? Mike is Blogging to: Metallica

MIKE'S EMAIL QUOTES "Merry Christmas you rotten cock smoker!" "My RAM capacity struggles with the Sizemore beast" "I'm a SIZEMORE surname genealogical researcher in the U.S. and am wondering why you've named your site Sizemore?" "He doesn't retract as you know, and he's really been working on that couch downstairs." "Thought I'd introduce myself before I ask about the icon with the phallus betwixt two deaf ears." "Is it me, or has Tribe.net actually died on its arse?" "You've Been Invited to a Tribe" "Happy New Year you rotten cock smoker!" "Couldn't resist this: maybe you should run a silly competition Who Can Produce The Best CD Cover." "Ready for some hot mexicanas??? and loads of mescal???" "Did you hear about Ray Davies from the Kinks getting shot in the leg by a mugger in New Orleans yesterday? He's alive but a bit sore. If you were still there I was gonna ask you to give him my regards" "Split tails love the 'freelance writer' line" "I choose to laugh at the terrorists. I laugh, and I point, and when appropriate, I run and hide." "Were you naked in Chicago?" "Well, I sure tied a long tail on that kite but there it is." Mike is Blogging to: Rollins Band

THINGS TO BLOG IN DENVER WHEN YOU ARE DEAD TIRED As usual I'm cutting things fine. We are well into our last night in Denver (which has been a cool place to drop in on) and just got back from a gig and an untimely breakfast at a very fun 40's diner. Seems like a good time to get that update posted. I have had email asking me for DETAILS so here we go. For now though I'll just serve up the first week in New York. The fun we had in DC and Baltimore deserves a post all of it's own. But for now here we are in WEEK ONE: I've been making notes on and off as we move around using a combination of the laptop (a godsend) and good old fashioned pen and paper at times when pulling out a bag full of gadgetry would not have been the smart option. At some point I'll sit down and try and bring all these threads together. Some of it is simple travelogue, part snippets of overheard conversation or descriptions of sights and people that would seem odd back in London. I've also been jotting down story ideas and working over other bits and pieces that I started back in Blighty. Only today I started putting together a scrap book of sorts. Thank fuck for 24 hour drug stores and ELMER'S Washable School Glue Sticks. The best part of the trip is the time that we have given ourselves to just drop away from our regular lives and see what happens off the page. Airports are a necessary evil. Being so close to Christmas, Heathrow was oozing idiots and by the time we had checked in the backpacks it was time to go sit down and make ourselves comfortable for the flight. I hate dull plane trips so it was fun to take off the headphones and watch people kick off at one another a few rows down from me. Two families sitting adjacent decided that they didn't like one another and that the best course of action was to scream abuse and threaten to throw punches and children until the crew arrived and read them the riot act. But the plane was full and we still had many miles to go so the uneasy truce was broken about once every hour until we landed at JFK. Watching the map unfold on the back of the headrest in front of you is the equivalent of watching water boil or paint dry. The little plane graphic crawls along like the download meter on a porn stream at 28kps. Watching Terminator 3 didn't speed things along much. I used to think Arnie moving into politics was a bad thing but if it keeps him from making movies then I am behind the Governator 100%. The inflight food matched the movies. Preferring to wait until NYC I settled back and loaded up Night of the Living Dead. There is something more than surreal about watching a black and white horror movie at 35,000 feet above the ocean. The atmosphere was improved half way through when we hit turbulence hard enough for people to start reaching for sick bags. Jess slept through it while I just grinned and watched a dead girl stick her father with a trowel. More queuing of course once we had landed but its always easier to bear when you are finally somewhere you want to be. I've been waiting to get back to New York for three years. Waiting for a cab we watched a whole family block a tow truck until it released the Griswald like station wagon back into the DO NOT PARK area - the tearstained cries of "Its Christmas you motherfucker!" finally melted the hearts of everyone standing in the cold and we all cheered to see the first sign of Christmas spirit with the wave of a middle finger as the tow truck clambered away like a metallic Grinch. And onto the hotel. Riding in the back of a yellow cab is still a thrill for me. I am always tempted to crack Scorsese jokes with the driver but I never do. Probably a good thing. We stay at The Amsterdam or The New Amsterdam - I forget. Drab and basic but right on Times Square. Popular with tourists and bored businessmen alike - at night we could hear the porn movies playing in the room next door. Chugga chugga bass lines mercifully covering the rubba rubba of masturbation. Everything inside this building was brown. The wallpaper didn't hang from the walls Barton Fink style but it should have done. We didn't spend too much time there. Five days is not a lot of time in a city like New York. Tourists may be content with seeing the sights but to Jess and I everything is a sight. Dog gyms for example. We stood outside for a little while watching overweight New Yorkers drag dogs from their cars and deposit them at the gym while they themselves paid another wad of cash to get their own exercise at the regular gym a few doors down. The idea of actually walking the dogs in Central Park for a few hours a day doesn't seem to have ever occurred... We watched as a teenager employed at the gym chased the dogs around and stopped them from fucking. He didn't seem to mind them shitting where ever they liked. It made me wonder if inside the 'human' gym things weren't unfolding in much the same way. Seeing no 'Tourist gyms' we walked. Walking is a big thing on this trip. Partly because not many Americans do it and partly because it is the only way to get to see the things that we want to see. Not that Jess and I are 'walkers'. I never understood the need to ramble over fells and dales in the middle of nowhere simply to reach a point on an OS map and then turn around and head back. Walking until you feel in danger of being killed is an altogether more interesting experience. But that was Baltimore and still a week away. The first day we walked the length of Central Park. Beautiful place. We missed the snow but it still lay in the park helping us to shake off London and any worries we had about being away from home for 3 months. It's hard to worry when you are being chased by squirrels and singing Frank Sinatra songs in off tone English accents. We lost sight of New York a few times. With an enthusiastic audience we saw The Return of The King which in turn bored and delighted me. I am hoping they actually trim the bloody thing before the DVD release. All that crap with the ghey Hobbits - fucking awful. On Broadway we saw Pinter's The Caretaker: Patrick Stewart and Kyle MacLachlan acting their guts out with Jess and I right on the front row makes for a damn fine evening. Every time I go to the theatre I am reminded that I don't go enough. Must rectify that when we get back home. And we got madly excited about Tokyo (still then 11 weeks away) by seeing Lost in Translation Scarlett Johansson and Bill Murray together were just wonderful. Funny and romantic in a way that 'comedies' and 'romantic movies' aren't. Is this out back in the UK yet? The alienation brought on by strange cities and hotel life struck a chord early on. I think that the DVD is out here in February. Hope Criterion get around to giving it the treatment. Aside from these distractions we spent a lot of time in the East Village, strolling around the neighbourhood finding diners and delis that fitted our strange veggie requirements. We were pulled into art supplies stores and I got to rifle through the pigeon holes of indie bookstores to see what the staff were reading, Jess bought Noam Chomsky CDs and we made semi serious plans to swap homes with a New Yorker for a few months next year. We walked from Times Square down to where the WTC used to be. Foundations and a lot of building work set around the famous cross and enclosed by fences and gawping tourists. We weren't much different. Odd to look up into that empty space and try to visualise exactly where it was we were stood back in 2000. The surrounding area hasn't changed a great deal but vendors are everywhere selling cheap models and badly drawn renditions of the towers. We walked away feeling that the place was as important as the hole in Curt Cobain's head or the crumpled car that squeezed Diana paste all over itself. Just as we had found the best places to hang our hats it was time to head for Penn Station and catch the first of our lengthy train rides. This one included a rendevous with Todd and a first face to face meeting with DC Mike. But more about that later... Mike is blogging to: Samhain

Chicago is already over and done with in a COLD rush. Next stop Denver. I'll try and get a real update posted then.

On our way from New Orleans to Chicago. See you when we get there. Happy 2004 and all that crap...