SOME LIKE IT HOT I prefer the cold. To this end we are off to Oslo at the end of August: Fuck you London you sweltering crap hole. I love this city but it doesn't have tigers. I am too lazy to keep maintaining a dedicated MP3 blog so I'll be throwing music to the wolves right here instead. You'll get used to it. Here is Mike Patton from when he was still frontman of Faith No More doing his best Engelbert Humperdinck impression: Blue Spanish Eyes Right click save as. I'll host each MP3 file for a week and add new ones as the mood takes me. I've tidied up the photos section and everything should be pretty straight forward from here. And anything I find worth saving a link to is now over on my del.icio.us page. Thank you for your attention. Mike is blogging to: Frankenixon

SKINBAG Wouldn't be seen dead in fur? How about synthetic human skin? You can get them in any skin colour and add tattoos... How cool is a laptop bag made out of an almost-real lap? ps Thanks to Cory for sending all the BoingBoingers this way. Mike is blogging to: Zappa

PIXELS I just found this nifty little time waster over on Corran's blog: Pixel Draw Here is my own Japanese flavoured effort: Corran's is much more political and naked. Think of the time the Romans could have saved with one of these gadgets whenever they needed to mosaic a room... From my 'art' (ha!) to Banksy. I too got an email invite to the next unveiling: You have been registered to receive an invitation to the unveiling of the new Banksy street monument. This will take place on Wednesday 4th August at 7.30pm. Refreshments will be provided. Children and dogs welcome. The exact location will be sent to you on the morning of the event. Anyone else going? Mike is blogging to: nothing

PRIVATE SCREENINGS I just stumbled across this segment of a film collecting magazine from 1975 in pdf format: The article by Edward Shaw deals with the 'problem' of film piracy and the effect that trying to crack down on the pirates has had on legitimate movie fans. It paints a grim picture of the FBI raiding homes on behalf of the studios but also provides a brief history of film piracy pointing out that the studios themeselves were at one time open to 'duping' movies if there was money to be made in it. There is also talk of the future which is I guess where we are now: "Videodiscs? This is a new form of entertainment that will allow a person to watch any show or movie he wants to on his tv set. The outfit, not unlike video-cassettes is simpler because the object is a record played by either a laser beam or needle on a unit attached to your set. Records or "discs" would contain new and old films and tv shows along with many specially done items." Makes me want to head back to 1975 and hand over a DVD player and a copy of The Exorcist for the guy to watch. He goes on to say that "Discs would be sold for $2 to $10 or rented for smaller fees." The story also points out that it is often the movie collector who cares more for the movie than the people who 'own' it and cites examples of movies being destroyed due to the neglect of the studios that are supposed to care so much that they are willing to unleash the FBI on people. If the BBC ever gets around to opening it's archive to the public then perhaps we won't have to worry about them erasing old episodes of Dr Who anymore. I'm hosting the file here: right click save as But here's a final word from Private Screenings' editor, Mr John Cawley Jr: "There are many film collectors in the country today, and if we stand together and demand the right to view these films, we will be heard. However, if each one begins to accuse the other of having caused the problem, we will be taken one by one until the hobby will no longer exist". Mike is blogging to: Sonic Youth

THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY: THE MOVIE: THE TEASER Hmmm "San Diego Comic-Con attendees were treated to a Comic-Con-only debut of THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY teaser this weekend. But if you want to see it you'll have to find a friend who was lucky enough to walk away with one of the DVDs that featured this exclusive teaser..." Or you can just watch mine: Right click save as It's not very good though. I can't decide if they just stole the music from Men In Black or if the whole thing is going to be like Men In Black. Panic. Mike is blogging to: OOioo

HELLBOY This morning I got this in the post: I preordered it a while ago when I realised the movie wasn't due to be released here until September. I'm impatient that way. You would have thought that helping slaughter people in far off lands would mean that we here in the UK would at least get our movies at the same time as our good friends the US of A. Nope. We are near to the back of the queue after Canada, Singapore, Taiwan, the Philippines, Thailand, India, Finland, Israel, Denmark, Mexico, Brazil, Norway, Argentina, Australia, France, Iceland, South Korea, Sweden, Estonia, Switzerland and the United Arab Emirates. There are Klaus Kinski worshiping lost tribes in the Amazon basin who have seen this movie before me. 'This'll teach you to fuck with me' I thought as I opened up the case. It was nice of Columbia Tristar to include a $5 voucher towards the upcoming Director's Cut DVD with all the extra footage that they left out of this release. Fuckabunchofspecialeditionbollocks Mike is blogging to: USS Friendship

ARCHIVING My Blogger dashboard looks like the tracklisting on a Napalm Death album so I've decided to kill a few more of the bastards off. I'm going to ram a few older entries in here so please feel free to skip the following and go look at some porn or American flags or whatever else gets you off. From The Ram Diary: Better out in the open than sat inside festering like a nun's holy but ill used juicy bits.... LOST I grew up in a Lancashire market town called Wigan. George Orwell put the place on the map in 1937 - I sometimes think that the price of liberty is not so much eternal vigilance as eternal dirt - but I didn't find myself there until 1972. I remember being small enough to still be holding my mother's hand as we walked around the market one Saturday. At some point I let go of her or she let go of me and when I reached out for her hand and grasped it there was an odd noise from above. I remember looking up and seeing a complete stranger looking down at me whose hand I was now squeezing. I let go and turned to find my mum only to find more strangers. Panic is a nasty thing when you are that young. It seemed to take hours for her to find me - probably minutes - and when she did I was a sobbing wreck. I have other memories of that market but they involve monkeys so I'll save them for a later entry. Recently I was killing time before a flight out of LA and found myself at Universal Studios. As I queued for the backlot tour a kid of about six grabbed my hand by mistake. Not having children of my own it was quite a surprise to have this grubby little hand suddenly wrapped around my own. I looked down at the wide eyes of a boy about six who dropped my hand as if it were a dead thing and shot back to his own family a few feet behind me. I smiled at his mother who was giggling at her son's embarrassment. I got into the car that was taking me to The Bates Motel and down to Amity and realised that I had come a very long way from Wigan. THE HAND OF FRANKENSTEIN I first saw the James Whale Frankenstein movies when I was really young. BBC2 used to show these late night horror double bills and every weekend I would go to bed terrified. I remember they showed wonderful stuff like Race with the Devil doubled up with old Vincent Price movies... Anyway, it was Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein that had the biggest hold on me. I haven't seen them in years but bought both of them on DVD just a few weeks ago in Australia. I'm waiting for a suitably windy evening to watch them back to back. Because of these movies I had recurring nightmares for years. It was just one scene that I invented but the setting was very much the Universal version of black and white eastern Europe. There's a wedding going on but I linger outside the church next to this large font. At some pint I realise that the thing is full of not water but soil. Then a hand claws its way to the surface and I wake up terrified. It doesn't seem like much but as a kid this thing was with me every night. Later on, more sophisticated horror movies scared the hell out of me (Night of the Living Dead especially) but it was the Frankenstein movies that have held their place as my number one scary friends. In college I got to study Mary Shelley's book for the first time and fell in love with it. I'd read it years ago but as a child had not gotten much further than deciding that without Boris Karlof it was pointless. I reread it still. It's not only the best of the Gothic novels but also the very first sci-fi novel. I got to teach the book for a little while as part of my failed experiment in a teaching career and getting other kids turned onto that book was a big thrill. I never mentioned the old black n white versions much though. Maybe that was a mistake. HULK CRUSH When I was a kid I eventually destroyed all my toys. I remember having this toy stuffed monkey called Chips who I had for years. Then one day I decapitated him, sewed the hole in his neck up, threw the body away and rechristened him Monkeyhead. Kids are weird. I had a tonka jeep that just had to be destroyed because the adverts on TV told me that it was indestructible. I almost lost an eye when I put a Hulk plastic action figure in my dad's wood vice and crushed him until he exploded like a lethal green plastic handgrenade. I have maybe two surviving toys from the whole of my childhood. Now instead of an attic full of crap I have this recurring urge to watch things go BOOM. Mike is blogging to: Therapy? Peel Sessions

I WAS HAVING TROUBLE WITH MY ADDING. IT'S ALL RIGHT NOW Just finished watching A Few Dollars More. Awesome. They don't make enough movies with Lee Van Cleef and Klaus Kinski anymore. Tomorrow I'll be tidying up around the edges of the website so things may look a little fruity for a while. Before that I wanted to mention a couple of my friends' websites, neither of which feature blogs but they should add them because they have a lot to say whenever I see them. Both websites have added new stuff since I last visited. Richard - the photographer whose work you already know if you have ever walked into a UK bookstore. Miguel - Again you may already be familiar with his music if you are fan of short movies or watch a lot of TV. Tomorrow I am meeting up with some more old pals to see what the hell has been going on since I last checked in... I am always out of the loop. I should also add that Johnny is no longer heading our way this summer. One last minute hitch too many. We are now looking for new fun stuff to do over the next few months as London always seems brighter when you are showing it to someone else. Now we need new plans to make this city seem interesting again... Mike is blogging to: Ennio Morricone

ROBOT DANCING "It is the year 2005 the treacherous Decepticons have conquered the Autobots home planet of Cybertron..." Breakdancing Transformers Oh my. Mike is blogging to: a slow Monday crawl

GET WELL SOON We rang the Underworld last night to find out who was supporting Zodiac Mindwarp & The Love Reaction but were told the gig had been cancelled "due to illness". I was glad I rang because it saved us a wasted journey and also meant that the gig would probably be rescheduled. This was a good thing because Johnny had to delay getting here from Australia for another week and would have missed the gig. Seeing Mindwarp was originally going to be his first big night out in London and we weren't happy to be going without him. I have to admit that when I heard "illness" I just thought one of them was too pissed to stand up but I just checked out the band's website and read this: Tonight's (July 24th 2004) gig at The Underworld, London was cancelled at the last moment as Mark Manning AKA Zodiac Mindwarp was taken seriously ill and admitted to hospital. At about 8.00pm this evening, he was undergoing surgery to address a ruptured blood vessel in his brain. The band pass their sincere apologies to fans who travelled to the gig and were disappointed - they hope to see everyone again soon when Zodiac has fully recovered. Fuck. Mark Manning is one of the good guys. Go read Bad Wisdom (co written with Bill Drummond of from KLF) or the wonderful Get Your Cock Out to see what I mean. Get well soon you fucking hairy, disgusting stench ridden Rock God. Mike is blogging to: nothing

SAUL BASS As predicted, last night quickly turned into setting the world to rights followed by dire satanic nonsense and Carry On Up The Jungle. God bless Terry Scott. This morning we strolled along the Thames (impossible to find a decent veggie breakfast anywhere in SE1) and popped into The Design Museum to see the Saul Bass exhibit. Annoying. A wealth of information, posters, photographs, interviews and of course title sequences but mangled badly by whoever organised it. For a start nothing was digital. The beautiful title sequences for The Man With The Golden Arm through to Casino were shown on crappy projection TVs, distorted and out of focus. The TV screens that filled the galleries were either soundless making the connection between Bass' work and the music impossible to see or worse just playing over the top of each other. Would a few dozen sets of headphones have broken the back? The exhibition is worth seeing but it's also worth doing properly. Muppets. Mike is blogging to: crappy music videos

MATTERS Moved some older bits and pieces to the Contes Journal and killed the blog that most of it was archived on. Following Freon's advice I'll be off to watch King Arthur this weekend: Anyone else seen it? Having friends over tomorrow night so a mountain of veggie sausages and mash is on the menu. Maybe a movie. Probably just a lot of talking crap. I spoke to Duncan briefly last night. He and Anu are in Helsinki at the moment and sometime next year will be moving back there permanently. Perfect. I will visit them often. Jess has booked time off from her Parliament shenanigans at the end of August so we are off to maybe Oslo. We haven't quite settled on a destination yet but somewhere close by and cold sounds good. We don't want to go back to the US until Bush is gone so roll on November. The other day I was talking to a friend who told me he wasn't going to vote at all as he couldn't see much difference between Bush and Kerry. Here's what John Shirley had to say about that. It's lengthy but important: Once many years ago when I was getting in trouble in a bad neighborhood in downtown LA, I told a cop who stopped me I was there to pick up my brother. "He uh--his car broke down and I came out to help him but...he must've, like, gotten it started again and uh...I guess he left..." I was sweating with the effort of maintaining so baldfaced a lie. I must have been highly, reekingly unconvincing, for he said to me, "You're so full of shit your glasses are steaming up." I don't get in those situations any more. But I treasure that cop witticism and that is what I think of people who say that there's no reason to vote because there's no significant difference between Republicans and Democrats. They are so full of crap their glasses are steaming up. If they don't wear glasses, then the steam is pasting their hair to their forehead. If they don't have any hair then the steam is coming out their ears. They're full of crap, and furthermore they are utterly, gigantically wrong. There is a huge difference between the Republicans and the Democrats. They run the country differently, and you get different results. Sure, it's true that they both squirm in the hot tongs of special interests; they both have a tendency to try to please campaign contributors, and both sides are capable of corruption and oily prevarication. But they still have strikingly different policies. They appoint different people, who have different attitudes, and they give those people different directions on what to do in their jobs. Look, if all the votes had been counted and Al Gore were President now, the air would be measurably cleaner than under Bush. George W. Bush's EPA has looked for every possible opportunity to ease restrictions on air pollution. Gore would have reined in the energy producers and factories who are dumping mercury and other toxins in the air. Bush doesn't. People die from air pollution--people with emphysema, people with asthma, people with heart disease. Other people in the long term. But even in the short term, by the time the Bush presidency is done it's not unreasonable to assume that, because of Bush environmental policies, there are people who will die, and quite a number of them, who would NOT have died if Gore had been elected. (I know--I'll get to Iraq in a minute.) I'm talking about people suffering from air and water pollution allowed by Bush; I'm talking about --just as one example--children exposed to herbicides that Bush's people allow that Gore's people wouldn't allow: herbicides in soccer fields and parks and schoolyards and lawns can have extremely nasty effects on children. Brain damage, cancer. Even Bush's EPA has admitted this recently--but they don't do anything about it because the big chemicals companies don't want them to. Bush allows lots of these sorts of things; Gore wouldn't have. Gore would not have opened every possible door for outsourcing jobs, either. I believe there are hundreds of thousands of people, at least, who would have jobs now if Gore were President--people who don't have them now because Bush is President instead. There will be measurably more wilderness preserved under a Democratic president. Millions of acres will not be clearcut under a Democratic president. Because Bush is in with the NRA lobby, there will be more guns on the street, more automatic weapons in use in the ghetto, than if Gore were President. Even if the difference is only say 25% fewer guns, that's going to save at least some lives. Gore would have worked harder to save social programs, decent school lunches, more school books; if you have a Democrat in office and you're living in a poor neighborhood, there's a better chance your kid is going to have the books and equipment and teachers he needs. And Gore would not be looking to spend hundreds of BILLIONS of dollars in Iraq. He'd have found some other way to deal with Saddam. And there are near a thousand US soldiers and thousands of Iraqi civilians who would now be alive if Gore had been elected. So now you've got a choice between Bush and Kerry. They are very different. Kerry's no golden angel, and he's maybe not as inspiring as John Kennedy or as salt-of-the-earth as Truman. But he's going to appoint different people than George Bush would. He will not make foreign policy based on extremist religious notions whispered into his ears by the evangelical crowd: the Christian Coalition will not puppet Kerry. He will not get us into a war because it fulfills prophecy. He will not let the polluters do just anything they want and he'll try to find ways to keep jobs in America. He will help stem-cell research along which just might save your life someday. In all those ways he's different from Bush. Hell, if you're of draft age, you're more likely to be drafted if Bush is elected. Because you know they're going to spring that on us after the election. It matters who you vote for. And it matters if you don't vote. I mean, yeah, I'd like to have a more inspiring, more radical president than Kerry. But no one else desirable can be elected, this year. That leaves us with Bush and Kerry. And the choice between Bush and Kerry has real, concrete, definite, measurable consequences--for your life and the lives of people you care about. Mike is blogging to: a 2475 track random playlist

SHORT AND SWEET Tired. Off for an early night. Go Steal Music. I'll be interesting tomorrow. Promise. Mike is blogging to: Yawn

HOMECHOICE VS BT/NTL/SKY In a few days short of four weeks we will be ditching our frankly pointless NTL TV service and reliable enough BT Broadband service in favour of Homechoice. I have no idea if this is a good move yet but we'll have a 1mb broadband connection with the TV channels thrown in as an extra. I've seen some people online consider Homechoice but rubbish the service because it is not SKY. From what I can see that is the point. They are not trying to compete with Murdoch (they could do that by coming around to your home and wiring the TV up to the wastepipe from the toilet) but instead offer a cheap broadband service with the added bonus of TV. I'll be ignoring most of the stuff on offer anyway as I get most of my (good) TV via DVD boxsets and the occasional torrent. I doubt the music channels will have much in my taste but you can set up your own playlist from 2500 updated tracks so it's interesting. As is the video on demand service for movies and some of the TV programming. Mostly though I am just looking forward to not having to avoid the wonderful choice that SKY offers me: Relic Hunter Sydney and Nigel become embroiled in international intrigue, spurred on by one of Nostradamus's prophecies. Tia Carrere and Christien Anholt star Star Trek: Voyager The Doctor helps Seven develop her dating skills, but when she almost breaks her partner's arm on the dance floor, the dapper hologram is prompted to step into the breach himself. Sci-fi adventures, with Jeri Ryan Enterprise Second part of the pilot episode of the fourth Star Trek spin-off, set 100 years before the original series. Captain Archer comes face to face with Sarin, who reveals Klaang was delivering proof of a Suliban conspiracy to the high court when he was shot down. Sci-fi drama, starring Scott Bakula and Jolene Blalock Tru Calling Tru tries to prevent the death of her father's new girlfriend ? and on seeing the killer, believes she may have found the man who murdered her own mother. Meanwhile, Davis hires someone to work alongside Tru at the morgue. Supernatural drama, starring Eliza Dushku, with Shawn Reaves, Jessica Collins and Jason Priestley Las Vegas Action star Jean-Claude Van Damme arrives at the Montecito to film a stunt-packed movie, giving Ed and the team a security nightmare ? which intensifies when a key action sequence goes wrong. Meanwhile, Sam battles to attract a high-roller to the tables. Starring James Caan and Josh Duhamel Unofficial World Records of Sex A light-hearted look at both historical and contemporary records of erotic escapades, including adventurous attempts by viewers eager to make it into sexual history When Sex Goes Wrong Genuine accounts of embarrassing real-life encounters and compromising situations experienced by amorous couples Cops The police give chase when a driver leaves a car park at high speed, and a man is arrested for outstanding warrants Cops The traffic police encounter a motorcyclist who has crashed through a homeowner's back garden, and officers give chase to a stolen vehicle which is hazardously travelling in the wrong direction on a freeway Dr Phil The doctor presents the participants in his Weight Loss Challenge with their final physical test, to discover which of them has improved their fitness to the greatest degree Hot Love Talk show hosted by Tracey Cox and based on her best-selling book of the same title, which tackles the topic of sex therapy Pokemon Ash challenges the powerful leader of the Saffron City gym People watch this stuff? Egads. In case you hadn't noticed anything in red equals a Charlie Brown style uttering of "Good grief..." I'll keep you posted on Homechoice once it arrives... Mike is blogging to: Outline Kit

ALEX ROSS I just mentioned this in the comments to the previous post but I now have some artwork to back me up. The credits for Spiderman 2 were awesome thanks to the inclusion of Alex Ross' interpretation of some of the key moments from the first movie. My faves: It's all about the girl. Mike is blogging to: Nation of Ulysses

SPIDERMAN 2 I hate the title. It's too easy just to add a number to the end of the original name every time you continue the story. It shows a lack of respect for the audience and is fucking lazy. Spiderman: Unmasked, Spiderman No More or even Spiderman: Costume Fetish would have been much better titles. I don't get excited by Spiderman 2. It's dull and boring. Thankfully the movie is just the opposite. I enjoyed it not because I'm a Spidey fan (I was when I was a kid but these days I tend to only read comic books that feature brain damaged journalists armed with bowel disrupters) but more because I am a Sam Raimi fan. Raimi is responsible for some of the most enjoyable movies ever made with The Evil Dead Trilogy and The Quick and the Dead. A Simple Plan showed he could get serious and even misfires like Crimewave and Darkman are thoroughly entertaining. I'm trying to forget The Gift. There are obvious nods to other Raimi movies in Spiderman 2 (the chainsaw, his old car, Bruce Campbell!) but the whole thing just feels like a Raimi movie. The over-the-top hospital scene in which Doc Ock's arms defend themselves is the most obviously old school Raimi sequence but the attention he allows to the story and the characters rather than the special effects make the movie one of the best sequels I've ever seen. The cast are great. Maguire is good, really good as the bitter left behind aspect of the super-persona. It's what made Spidey so interesting to me as a kid. While Bruce Wayne had a mansion and a butler and Clark Kent wanted for very little Peter Parker had the rent to pay and family responsibilities to juggle. His Spiderman persona was the release. The movie sets this out very well with Parker struggling to pay the rent and being a constant disappointment to his family, friends and employers. It's nice to see Dr Connors pop up in a nice cameo as the disappointed science teacher of Parker and friend of Octavius. He's destined to become The Lizard (I guess in the third movie alongside the return of The Goblin ? and isn't Jonah's astronaut son also a soon-to-be-bad-guy?). There is standout scene where Parker's landlord's dizzy daughter offers him chocolate cake and a glass of milk. It's a small scene that other directors may have cut in order to have a few more punches thrown or another shot of Mary Jane getting her dress wet (and there's plenty of that ? Kirsten Dunst's nipples should have their own separate credit). This simple scene shows Parker realising that there are other girl's out there besides MJ and proves you don't have to be a wanky astronaut for a girl to look twice at you. Even geeks gets laid. It's a nice human moment in a superhuman movie. The first movie could have done with more scenes like that. Alfred Molina did a great job with Doc Ock, especially the earlier scenes with his wife and later when he realises what he has become. The middle section of the movie sees him smashing the fuck out of the web-slinger and making a first class nuisance of himself. When was the last time you saw commuters used as blunt objects? I never really got the character of Doc Ock in the comic books but I was sorry to see him go by this movie's close. He was a much more interesting character than Dafoe's scenery chewing Goblin. Best part? The unconscious and unmasked Spiderman being 'protected' by New Yorkers. A continuation of the scene in the first movie where New Yorkers attack the Goblin only not as cheesy. Every time that an onlooker shouted "Go Spidey!" I got a little rush and it made the whole preposterous concept fall away a little bit more as I was genuinely thrilled at the idea of a city not just needing a protector but actually feeling protective and supportive of him. Speaking of cheese, those "deep pan" pizzas where definitely thin crust. If there's one thing I know it's pizza. Mike is blogging to: The Ataris - featured not once but twice in the above movie...

SADDAM II Say what you like about the legality of the war in Iraq but at least now the Iraqi people are safe from insane dictators aided by the USA. Right? Iyad Allawi, the new Prime Minister of Iraq, pulled a pistol and executed as many as six suspected insurgents at a Baghdad police station, just days before Washington handed control of the country to his interim government, according to two people who allege they witnessed the killings... I'm so looking forward to Gulf War III in about ten years time when the USA decides that Allawi is a 'bad guy'. Mike is blogging to: Greenlight the Bombers

OH YEAH! Watched Heatvision and Jack one too many times?   Need something with a gun toting robot and black slimey things?   And a place to watch the adventures of Molly & Ringwald?   ROBOT BASTARD!    My body for the cause! Mike is blogging to: Robot Bastarding Carnage

DOOMED It amuses the fuck out of me that my spellcheck suggests 'parboiled' for Barbelith.    I didn't have enough crap littering the interweb so I went and made a livejournal. Blame Doc. Now I can influence the teenagers directly and if Jess ever dumps me I can become a Librarian and harvest the young.   Gravestone:   Here lies Mikey Sizemore. Burning in Hell in the mornings. Looking up Angels' skirts in the afternoon. Waiting to RISE and tear your fucking throat out first chance he gets. Mike is blogging to: Kill Bill 2

VALHALLA!   I do waffle on in a morning. I was almost like a REAL blogger for a moment. Even mentioned the cat.   Back to my regular service.   I just found out I AM GOING HOME   Mike is blogging to: Kill Bill 2

BY YAWNS EARLY LIGHT Damn it's early. I awoke this morning thinking of Duncan and Anu. Perhaps it was the tail end of a dream. They were spilling out of a lift in Helsinki curled up with laughter after a mammoth swearing session. For some reason in my sleep/half awake head I had formed this idea that swearing was frowned upon in Ethiopia and their current trip to Finland was purely a release. A need to curse and scream obscenities out loud. "Bubblefuck!" shouted Anu (whom I doubt I have ever heard swear in real life), "cuntsmear!" continued Duncan. I have no idea why but this was a nice image to wake up to. Maybe I have a brain tumor. I thought it was later than this. I haven't worn a watch now for well over six months. Jess has started hitting the office for 8am. Some weeks I get up with her and some weeks I wait for the hungry cat to start chewing on my arm before I swing out of bed. It's never later than 9.30am. Now here I am - not even 5am and already fully dressed. Wide awake and I haven't even made coffee yet. Strange. Good though. I can spend the morning mooching around with Jess when she wakes and walk her to the station. Maybe I'll grab a coffee and a newspaper on the way back. It's been a while since I did that. Yesterday I didn't bother fastening my boots all day - drove the cat mad having long shoelaces to chase around the floors every time I moved for coffee or to grab the phone. He has taken to sitting next to me as I type. Down here in the office I had to clear some space for him but upstairs he just crushes whatever is under him and stares into the mirror occasionaly acting to type and grabbing a hold of my mouse or swipes his claws at my wrist for whatever reason is going through his furry brain. When I got up this morning I pulled my new fleece from the wardrobe and left it on the bed while I grabbed my t shirt. My Tribe.net shirt is my favourite at the moment despite the fact that I hardly use the site anymore. Maybe because it's grey. I have a lot of black to wade through to find it. So when I turn around my fleece is on the move as Jess reacts sleepily to an empty bed and tries to fill every inch of it. I grab the fleece on the second wave and leave her to her impossible task. The bed is huge and she is not. It's been a good day so far. Don't fucking spoil it. Mike is blogging to: birds and nature and stuff

SODOMY IS BAD NOW? So the big news is that Seymour Hersh has given a speech about unreleased footage he has seen from Abu Ghraib prison that shows American soldiers sodomising Iraqi children as their mothers look on, begging to be killed:

"Debating about it, ummm ... Some of the worst things that happened you don't know about, okay? Videos, um, there are women there. Some of you may have read that they were passing letters out, communications out to their men. This is at Abu Ghraib ... The women were passing messages out saying 'Please come and kill me, because of what's happened' and basically what happened is that those women who were arrested with young boys, children in cases that have been recorded. The boys were sodomized with the cameras rolling. And the worst above all of that is the soundtrack of the boys shrieking that your government has. They are in total terror. It's going to come out." "It's impossible to say to yourself how did we get there? Who are we? Who are these people that sent us there? When I did My Lai I was very troubled like anybody in his right mind would be about what happened. I ended up in something I wrote saying in the end I said that the people who did the killing were as much victims as the people they killed because of the scars they had, I can tell you some of the personal stories by some of the people who were in these units witnessed this. I can also tell you written complaints were made to the highest officers and so we're dealing with a enormous massive amount of criminal wrongdoing that was covered up at the highest command out there and higher, and we have to get to it and we will. We will. You know there's enough out there, they can't (Applause). .... So it's going to be an interesting election year."

Nasty as fuck? Undoubtedly. Surprising? Not really.   I've looked at a bunch of sites commentating on this and the one question that keeps getting asked is 'how did we come to this?'   Well look around you.   The rape of inmates in prisons is so commonplace in the USA that it is nothing more than an easy threat given out in cop dramas and big budget action films. Just as prolific here in the UK. Sodomy seems to be the main hobby of priests on both sides of the Atlantic and the American military doesn't seem to think an atrocity is worth carrying out unless a pal is videoing it.   Don't get shocked by this stuff. There's worse to come and even then it probably won't be eyebrow raising.   Soldiers by definition are stupid. There's nothing shocking in them acting to type or those that sent them there hanging them out to dry.   Mike is blogging to: more stuff

BUTTONS EVERYWHERE   Every TIME I open Blogger they have added

new

buttons.  

1. It's like Christmas for repetitive typing types.

  Mike is blogging to: stuff

YOU'RE ON THE GLOBAL FREQUENCY Michelle Forbes has been cast as Miranda in the Global Frequency pilot. Pretty good casting so my expectations have just raised a notch. Mike is blogging to: Greenlight the Bombers

BECAUSE THEY WERE SQUIRRELS I downloaded so much new music today that my ears are full. I have had to pull out the first Van Halen album just to have a breather. Sheesh. Just nabbed a couple of tickets to see Shellac in December too. Colour me happy. Like Ian Huntley and a bathroom full of schoolgirls. Mike is blogging to: Van Halen

REV. BREEDLOVE OF THE JESUS CHURCH THWARTED REV. FUCKHATE OF THE SATAN CHURCH DOES HAPPY LITTLE JIG CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa - A church's plan for an old-fashioned book-burning has been thwarted by city and county fire codes. Preachers and congregations throughout American history have built bonfires and tossed in books and other materials they believed offended God. The Rev. Scott Breedlove, pastor of The Jesus Church, wanted to rekindle that tradition in a July 28 ceremony where books, CDs, videos and clothing would have been thrown into the flames. Not so fast, city officials said. "We don't want a situation where people are burning rubbish as a recreational fire," said Brad Brenneman, the fire department's district chief. Linn County won't go for a fire outside city limits, either. Officials said the county's air quality division prohibits the transporting of materials from the city to the county for burning. Breedlove said a city fire inspector suggested shredding the offending material, but Breedlove said that wouldn't seem biblical. "I joked with the guy that St. Paul never had to worry about fire codes," Breedlove said. The new plan calls for members of the church to throw materials into garbage cans and then light candles to symbolically "burn" the material. Mike is blogging to: The Wind Singer

"NO ONE IS THINKING OF POSTPONING THE ELECTIONS" Mike is blogging to: The Wind Singer

REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH A more palatable follow-up to the notorious eels video: Japanese girls, bicycle seats and Johnny Cash Right click, save as. Only safe for work if your boss has an underwear fetish. Mike is blogging to: Jawbreaker

FAHRENHEIT SO SO We saw Fahrenheit 9/11 yesterday and while it was good to see Bush and his cronies get a good kicking I didn't think it was a patch on Bowling for Columbine. Perhaps being British means I found it less shocking than an American audience. I'm used to seeing documentary film makers and journalists rip into politicians and dead babies and screaming soldiers are not pushed from the British news to make room for reality TV. Yet. I'm hoping it does its job in the States though and it must be a shock for those watching who feel it perfectly normal to go outside and raise a flag each morning. The real question seems to be why isn't the regular media showing this kind of expose. Until the news gets back to doing its job I guess we'll see more of this kind of documentary. It would be nice to have something similar put a rocket under the Democrats so they get their fucking act together. I'm aunt sitting this weekend which means I'll be cut off from the internet for a while. Or not depending if I can find a nearby wireless setup. Mike is blogging to: Blur

SUMMER BAY Less than two weeks and Johnny will be here. I'm not sure London is ready. We already have tickets to go see Zodiac Mindwarp... It'll be like throwing fuel on a fire. Mike is blogging to: Huggy Bear

DANZIG FLOORED Glenn Danzig Gets 'Knocked Out' By North Side Kings Singer Following Arizona Gig DANZIG frontman Glenn Danzig allegedly got into a scuffle with NORTH SIDE KINGS singer and frequent SOULFLY collaborator Danny Marianinho following DANZIG's performance in Tuba City, Arizona Saturday night (July 3). The following is Marianinho's official statement regarding the incident, as sent to BLABBERMOUTH.NET: "Before crazy rumors begin to spread I would like to explain what happened: "NORTH SIDE KINGS were to play with DANZIG last night in Tuba City, Arizona. To make a long story short the whole show was a disaster and a few bands got bumped off. Mr. Danzig (or his management??) refused to push back the original scheduled time slot so NORTH SIDE KINGS and RAPID FIRE would have to play 'after' his set. Whatever � we agreed to play later because we drove 6 hours and didn't feel like going home without playing. "Needless to say, as soon as DANZIG was finished, the venue turned on the lights and DANZIG's crew and the staging company began to take the stage apart almost instantly. I confronted Mr. Danzig backstage while he was signing autographs and told him I thought he was an asshole because of his 'rock star' attitude and no consideration towards the FEW other bands that got bumped off tonight. In a fit of rage he turned around and slammed me into the wall yelling 'Fuck you, motherfucker,' trying to be a big, tough guy in front of his fans. I, in self-defense, punched him in the face, knocking him out as he was attacking me again. He went down, bleeding from his mouth, eyes rolled back, and in shock that he got knocked to the floor so quickly. "A friend happened to tape the entire incident and this is all documented. Many witnesses saw him attack me, and I did what any man would do. "It was unfortunate that this went the way it did � and I hoped Glenn Danzig learned a valuable lesson tonight: Do not lay your hands on anyone unless you can handle what may happen. "I apologize for nothing, except for the poor little kids that had to witness this big asshole get his ass kicked in a matter of seconds..." There are claims that Marianinho pulled a "sharp object" on him but you can download the video here and judge for yourself: KAPOW! And you can read more over on Blistering dot com Mike is blogging to: stuff and stuff

SORRY BILL I have been having fun with Calvin and Hobbes mashups over on the Napkin. I think I will start adding more here... (A mashup is where I take the skill and hard work of someone else and alter it just enough to get a cheap laugh.) Mike is blogging to: Japanese noise

CONVERSATION WITH THE BUILDER PART ONE This is a nice place. Didn't a chinese guy used to live here? He was British. He looked chinese. His mother was Japanese, his father was Dutch but as far as I know he was British. That's an odd mix. Can't all be plain can we? pause This must have cost a pretty penny. Didn't cost a thing. What do you mean? I won it playing poker. You're joking! No. I'm a professional high stakes poker player. Like Maverick. Maverick? James Garner not Mel Gibson. James Garner? The Rockford Files. pause You have a lot of movies. My girlfriend's an actress. Really? Is she famous? You ever see Children of the Dead? No. Ripley's Cat? No. Last Ride to Fucksville? I don't think so. She's not famous. pause I'd better get back to work. Me too. I have some cards to mark. Mike is blogging to: tools and those that use them

TIGERS ARE COOL For those of you who lurk on The Napkin I just gave it a fresh coat of paint: Mike is blogging to: rendering

COFFEE AND FRESH AIR Early mornings kill me. Mike is blogging to: BBC News 24

THE DOPPLER EFFECT A mission to spread the word of sequential art in India. Crocodiles, fire-breathing dragons, space truckers and the sirens of Titan... My friend Rohit now has a blog. Keep an eye on it. Mike is blogging to: nothing.

BROKEN There are 11212 links on this blog. 1641 no longer work. No, I don't care either. Freon stuck this image up recently under the title Revenge: It's a pity the bull probably died anyway but I would have loved to see that prick's head get mashed into pulp. They should change the rules so that if you get trampled your immediate family gets thrown in the arena and has spears shoved into their fucking spines too. On the opposite side of the spectrum my favourite Non Matrix Spouse has befriended a kitten and has been playing (gentle) tennis with birds. Mike is blogging to: Alkaline Trio

IGNORE THIS It's just a test. I love you too. Mike is blogging to: Courtney Love

TIDYING UP THE CODE Don't worry if things look a little weird for the next couple of hours. Mike is blogging to: Avril Lavigne (and I see no shame in it)

F911 Michael Moore reflects on his first week with Fahrenheit 9/11: Bush spokesman Dan Bartlett had told the White House press corps that the movie was "outrageously false" -- even though he said he hadn't seen the movie. He later told CNN that "This is a film that doesn't require us to actually view it to know that it's filled with factual inaccuracies." At least they're consistent. They never needed to see a single weapon of mass destruction before sending our kids off to die. Mike is blogging to: Sabbath

ALL THAT JAZZ Ahh the weekend. Yesterday we caught up (briefly) with Kris and his entourage and exchanged DVDs. Even now he could be sat down watching Ichi do his thing while Jess and I are working our way through Firefly. Good stuff. We also found ourselves on the guest list at the Jazz Cafe. Fucking awful it was too. I have no idea who the band was but Menopausal Minnie and The Banal Wankers would have been apt. "This song is called 'Constellation'". Of course it is. Every jazz song is called 'Constellation'. And the little intros to each dull number... This song is about a Portuguese woman tending her husband's net even though he is long dead and the kelp dried up many years ago... For. Fuck's. Sake. And the crowd were all middle management types. It was like a window into the social lives of the teachers that bored you to tears back in double maths. Always nice to see Xandrija though but I need a year of loud noisy stupid music before I tackle live jazz again. Today I am watching Battlestar: Galactica so don't ring me. Mike is blogging to: Sabbath

CLICK READ REFRESH REPEAT Lowbrow Dot Com: When I was 9, I had an accident with fireworks. The good news is I got to wear an eyepatch for two weeks, in grade school. Arrrrrgh, shiver me timbers! 'Cept the doctor gave me a pink eyepatch. I immediately painted it black, but my mom made me wash it off. Forty years later, I'm still waiting for her to die... And RPG was a rocket propelled grenade. I wouldn't wish a role playing game on anyone. Mike is blogging to: The Ramones

AN RPG FOR EACH OF YOU I have relaunched STEAL MUSIC. Two or three songs per day for you to nab. SOUNDTRACK COUNTERACT is new and incredibly stupid. Even for me. And this is why I am hoping for a new draft and lots of teenagers to be sent off to be shot at Mike is blogging to: stuff