GMAIL ANYONE? I have another bunch of gmail invites if anyone needs one. Email me. Mike is blogging to: BBC News 24

HOLD THE FRONT PAGE While I'm at home writing about dead(ish) people Jess is doing her Lois Lane thing but writing about REAL things: Women still hitting glass ceiling You'd think women would get paid more simply because they are nicer to look at than Eric from accounting... I am going to get punched. Mike is blogging to: Jets to Brazil

"CELEBRITIES DON'T FLOAT" SHOCK In case anyone out there still takes CNN seriously: Tsunamis shatter celebrity holidays There should be a fund or something... Mike is blogging to: Tomahawk

LIMBO I find this time between Christmas and the New Year hard to fill. Last year was easy, I was startling passengers during 18 hour Amtrak journeys with bad Italian horror movies featuring rats running off with severed penises. Christmas this year was fun. Just Jess and I for the day itself so we passed that with cooking, drinking and fingering our new gifts. She bought me a pair of shoes made from kevlar which means my feet are now safe from assassination attempts. I'm still working my way through the new GTA, Curb Your Enthusiasm and Flash Gordon DVDs... Boxing day was spent with Bill and Cecilia who tried to kill us all with a brandy Molotov cocktail. Other highlights included hanging out with Suzanne: and introducing her to the delights of the Crobar. I fear I got a little drunk... I remember talking about vagina shaped bags and... no... it's gone. I also popped into Foyles to find the place being terrorised by an odd shambling creature who insists on tucking too tight shirts into devastatingly high trousers. I think he was part of the new management team brought in to help dehumanise the staff and keep moral at a nice low level. Speaking of books though I just finished Jonah Sees Ghosts by Mark Sullivan which was awesome and am about half way through the similarly themed The Night Country by Stewart O'Nan which is a wonderful nod to Ray Bradbury. Two great ghost stories that you should track down... I've been slowly moving a lot of the older photographs over to Flickr. I was slow on the uptake with this one but after a few hours of fiddling I upgraded to a Pro account and intend to bring it to it's knees in the New Year. Suzanne was the one who told me to get on there so you can blame her. She has the best pictures... Did I mention that I got email from Mike Watt from The Minutemen regarding this? I love having a website... Mike is blogging to: Black Flag

FLICKR

San Francisco
Originally uploaded by sizemore.

That was taken sometime last January in San Francisco.

I've been messing around with Flickr and added some random photos. They should rotate over on the right hand side somewhere every time the page is refreshed...

We are hoping to pick up a new camera in the sales so you'll probably see a lot more photos on here come the new year.

Jess has been attached to the Playstation for two days solid now. I may have to intervene...

Mike is blogging to: The Ramones

HO HO HO Mike is blogging to: presents

SLEEP Would be nice. Fucking stupid head won't turn itself off tonight. I am looking forward to hallucinations to unwrap come Saturday morning... If you see this pair over on Warren's blog I can confirm that the little chap in the killer boots is me and the monkey was indeed filthy: 5 fucking 30 bloody A bastard M I need a drink. Mike is blogging to: stormy weather

WE WANT SNOW Of course we do. But I put it to you that the Japanese want it MORE. If we really wanted snow we too would release the ostriches. Mike is blogging to: Iron Hell

STRIKE I hope Suzanne's plane made it to the UK alright... Mike is blogging to: Run DMD

RELOAD The BBC seems slightly behind the curve on this one: Poles play with GameBoy 'blip-pop' If that sounds like your kind of thing then go have a look at Pixel! Pixel! Pixel! I'm lucky enough to have some of the stuff that Doc has done with David Vincent from The Invaders and if you go see the mad bastard live (tonight in Newcastle for example alongside Bonsai Kittens, Written From Negative and The Rest) you'll meet the bunny. It changed this girl's life FOREVER: Mike is blogging to: Q & Not U

YES PLEASE Mike is blogging to: heavy eyelids

I'M NO ROBOT. THEY CAN GET FUCKED Jess is in a pub somewhere with university friends. I wager they are listening to Wham and that fucking Christmas song that comes back each December like festive cancer. I am home and listening to Agnostic Front while working out a way to heat up coffee using the laptop's exhaust stream. If you were to swing a small camera in behind the keyboard, behind the screen then you'd capture that heat glare effect that was so cool on Battle of the Planets back in the '80's. Last night we went out with Xandrija and sat in sub zero temperatures while watching drunken men push each other into puddles of frozen vomit. Americans were out in force taking camera-phone photographs of their 'real ale' to post on their live journals. Office whores littered the place, showing off their freshly plucked cleavage to drunken administrators whose sexual organs had been dulled by years of photocopier radiation. Rib spreaders. I kept eyeing the walls for rib spreaders. I think I'd be good at cranking. Xandrija is off to Hong Kong, Australia and Japan in the New Year while we haven't been out of the country in months... Bolivia looks tempting. I could spend a little while there... Maybe get a pet goat. A new friend for the cat. He has a passport now and all his shots are up to date. He'd look good in Bolivia. Last night we got back home to find the neighbours were having a party. Noisy until we fired up some Black Flag. I wasn't really aware that people over ten actually listened to Kylie Minogue. I was sat near the window and I could hear male voices, "Go on! If you were a real man you'd do it! Go on! Throw it! Throw it at the Christmas tree!". If only these people's parents had embraced chemical castration. We have a Christmas tree out on the balcony. A real one. One that still has roots, not one of those zombie bastard things that doesn't realise it's dead. So I had to go outside and protect my poor defenseless tree from drunken media types. I went out onto the balcony with Henry screaming behind me and they all ran inside the next apartment, momentarily crushed in the doorway. Girls shrieked inside as they fell in, probably kicking over tubes of pringles and ABBA DVDs. Fucking children with sportscars and subscriptions to Wallpaper magazine. I need to get out of London or destroy it. Mike is blogging to: Agnostic Front

I'LL TAKE SPELLING FOR FIFTY... I bet Bush was the first one to point out the challanges facing people like himself. American TV needs a spellchecker. Mike is blogging to: Iron Maiden

APOLOGIES TO TOR Mike is blogging to: Rammstein

AND THE EMMY FOR CON' ARTIST GOES TO... Corran got a surprise in the mail: Well done mate! Mike is blogging to: Avail

THE GUY WHO SITS IN THE GRAVEYARD CALLED ME OVER "I saw a vampire once". This is why I enjoy speaking to complete strangers. None of my friends have ever seen a vampire. I ask him how he knew it was a vampire. "It had all the signs. The face and all that". I ask him if it was in the graveyard. "No. Fucking tube station," and he points vaguely in the direction of Borough. I tell him to go buy himself a drink and stay clear of the monsters. He takes the note from me and wishes me a Merry Christmas. I only went out for a sandwich. Mike is blogging to: Cumbersome Records Samplers

BLUNKETT Warren Ellis should really have his own slot on BBC News 24: According to the BBC news alert, David Blunkett is resigning as Home Secretary. This is a blind man who walked out of a Howard Barker play because of a nude scene on stage. He is, as you might imagine, a quite staggering wanker who talks shit about his colleagues in public and is currently crapping over an ex-girlfriend who returned to her husband by declaiming that her new pregnancy is his doing. Like all posturing scumbags, he'd rather quit than have to defend himself against even a pathetic microscandal over speeding up a visa, because he understands, deep down, that he is a Liar and an Animal and a Prick. This is the only thing that has made me smile today. Mike is blogging to: The Residents

TIS THE SEASON I had one of those fun family conversations on the phone yesterday evening: "I hope you suffer the way your dad did before you die..." Merry Christmas to you too Auntie Linda. As you'd expect my sleep was troubled. I dreamt of Bill Clinton and Britney Spears. Seriously. That can't be good right? On a sweeter note I did ALL my Christmas shopping already. The first time ever that I've finished so early (I'm usually still punching strangers on Oxford Street come Christmas Eve) and the first time ever that I bought everything online. Still working my way slowly through all those CDs... Mike is blogging to: The Residents

POSTING PROBLEMS I love Blogger but I sometimes want to cut it's bloated throat with a rusty blade. Normal service will be resumed shortly. Mike is blogging to: STUFF

MY EARS ARE SMILING Yesterday I hooked up with Sean at Organ/Org Records and came away with 350 alternative/indie/punk/metal CDs. I may not be able to hear the phone today. Mike is blogging to: the first of many stacks.

FLIPPER NEEDS FRANK CASTLE I hope a nice relaxing weekend was had by all. We vegged out with this: Only pausing to watch Woody Allen's Bananas and snippets of documentaries as we overloaded the DVD player. Which exploded. But I have a new one arriving tomorrow so not to worry. One of the things I saw was dolphins using a touch-screen computer in their tank to play games, solve puzzles and watch videos. Jaw dropping stuff. So then I saw the thing on Boing Boing about the dead shark and was saddened. Then this morning I saw this video of a dolphin slaughter carried out by Japanese fishermen. There's some info about what you can do to help stop this kind of thing right here. Shooting the fuckers involved would be a good start. Mike is blogging to: Amon Amarth

A DRUNKEN WEREWOLF IN WEST LOTHIAN A drunk who howled like a wolf after repeatedly watching the horror film, An American Werewolf in London, has been jailed for four months.... Alas, it wasn't our own Boag but another of the clan. Shame. Mike is blogging to: Shellac

COFFEE MORNING So Jess was a little unsteady on her feet this morning. Last night was some big works do and she had a tad too much to drink. She was a little abrupt with some of her co-workers even before she had a glass in her hand. I love the way she just says what she thinks, but because of this she doesn't quite fit in with the rest of the Canary Wharf suits. I predict something new jobwise in 2005. Which is probably a good thing. Have you ever walked around Canary Wharf when they all flock to the underground malls like funeral clad zombies? Wall to wall wankery. I am out early to meet up with Richard & Miguel who no doubt will try and persuade me to help them lug furniture onto the back of a van. I have an escape route all planned. Coffee and cats out on the balcony in time to watch the sunrise... Mike is blogging to: Once More With Feeling

VERY HEAVY METAL Five dead including two members of 'Damageplay': The band took the stage shortly after 10 p.m., and minutes later, a man, who was wearing a hockey jersey and hooded sweatshirt, began firing at point-blank range at least four times at guitarist Dimebag Darrell... (full story) But remember kids, it's not guns that kill people... it's the small bullets fired out of the guns that fuck you up. I learned that from watching CSI: Miami. Mike is blogging to: Brassy

NYC STREET POSTERS via MeFi Mike is blogging to: PJ Harvey

LINKDROP I have a load of stuff I want to link up so bare with me. First up - Bob Hoskins is back and in fine form. Check out the trailer for Danny the Dog. Hoskins raises Jet Li to be the ultimate pit fighter with fight choreography from Yuen Woo Ping and trademark ham from Morgan Freeman. Could go either way but I'm hoping it will work. I'm also keeping my fingers crossed for the upcoming Beowulf movie: THE FILMING TOOK PLACE ON THE SOUTH COAST OF ICELAND, IN AREAS THAT HAVE REMAINED UNTOUCHED SINCE THE TIME OF THE WRITING OF THE ORIGINAL ANGLOSAXON POEM - BEOWULF. It certainly looks great from the galleries housed over here and there's a blog to boot. I mentioned this to Jess on the phone and she immediately asked if it was in old english. Bless her academic socks. Techy nerdy stuff: The new Nintendo DS has the ability to transform regular people into... well... regular people standing around in a circle making cool music. Like an updated stylophone but without Rolph Harris. And just out and out strange: A clip from the Japanese version of Late Review - wouldn't you like to see Mark Lawson using a pretty naked girl as a headrest? PS Stuck for a last minute Christmas present? How about this: We specialize in creating the most realistic kidnapping scenarios available: Extreme Kidnapping Dot Com Mike is blogging to: The Ramones

MUSIC AIN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE Danish Eurovision Song Contest legend Tommy Seebach performs APACHE Mike is blogging to: the above

PLAYING WITH THE BIG BOYS Here I am over on margaretcho.net slap bang in between The Mail and The Evening Standard with The Observer for company: It's like I'm one half of a juicy sandwich filling between two slices of fecal flesh. Mike is blogging to:Wakka Chikka Wakka Chikka

TRANCE WRITING I've been invited to blog over on Trance Writing. It's only just started to crawl but with a little tender loving care and the occasional prod with something sharp it should become an interesting read if you are at all interested in meta fiction. Rohit has some crazy wonderful ideas and I'm curious as to where he's taking me this time. Mike is blogging to: 88 Fingers Louie

EXPLODING PUSSIES & THE KKK Margaret Cho & Bruce Daniels, State of Emergency, New Players Theatre (03/12/2004) The idea of gay Republicans is a weird one. The idea of black gay republicans is downright bizarre. Whatever the reasons for their existence at least they give plenty of fodder for Bruce Daniels. Bruce is currently supporting Margaret Cho on her 'State of Emergency' tour in London but first worked with Margaret on the set of Can't Stop Dancing. In spandex. He doesn't need to dress for laughs now though. His act revolves around being black and gay in a country, that to him at least, seems to be heading back through a timewarp. His comments about Condoleezza Rice being the character from Roots who gets to live and work in the 'big house' and not mix with the 'field hands' is achingly funny, but also the most accurate description of the current American Secretary of State I've heard. He also has a knack for throwing his frame into loving caricatures of those he encounters but cannily saves his best material for the idiots that continue to vote for Bush no matter what. His set was short but provided belly laughs aplenty, ensuring that the audience was more than ready for Ms Cho. I've been reading Margaret Cho's blog for awhile now and its heady mixture of politics and funnies has always remained grounded in struggle and confrontation. This struggle for equality on many fronts has led Cho to become more than just a spokesperson for the underdog. Her intelligent, witty writing and performance has made her something of an icon to those of us on the left as well as a figure of hate for the smaller minded right-wing. In the UK she is less well known and this was perhaps reflected in the make up of the audience which seemed to be split equally between British and American punters. You can tell the Americans because they actually engage you in conversation instead of merely playing with their mobile phones. The chap next to me was eager to talk about the November debacle and his disbelief that Bush could get himself back in the White House legally. He seemed surprised that Jess and I knew as much about American Politics as we did. Itself a sign that perhaps insular thinking is regarded as the norm in the USA but it was heartening to hear that he had traveled an insane number of miles to help in getting people out to vote. Pity it didn't help with the end result but then again maybe nothing would have. Where would the satirists be without Bush? His continued existence and seemingly unending series of screw ups provide plenty for people to get their teeth into. Margaret Cho doesn't so much bite as chew the fuck up and spit out the pieces. And although a lot of her set revolved around America she had plenty to say about us Brits and in particular David Blunkett and "his seeing-eye bitches". The thing with Margaret is that she's not afraid to go places. Whether she's miming her gay friend trying to get the taste of pussy out of his mouth ("Do you have a breath mint?"), sucking invisible cocks or creating a whirlwind between her legs she is joyfully inappropriate. Where else would you hear something as funny as "Bush would be Hitler if he'd only applied himself. He lazy!" Some of the material was recognisable from her 'Revolution' tour (Asian chicken salad/Her pussy exploded etc) but seeing as this is her first UK tour and the stories are so funny you don't mind hearing them again. And seeing Cho in the flesh is a very different experience from the DVD/CDs. I knew she was incredibly funny as her recorded routines helped keep me sane as I Amtracked through the midwest last year, but seeing her just a few feet away picking up pieces of her friend's vagina from out of her hair is something else. She also had time to respond to her hate mail ("Fat dyke? Is that an insult? It just means I get to eat pussy and pizza..."), invoke the good advice of her mother and spread her ass for David Beckham. �30 well spent. Margaret and Bruce are doing their thing until January 1st so rounding out your year at the New Player's Theatre is a damn good idea. Mike is blogging to: Big Black

SERIOUS AS A HEART ATTACK Shellac & The Minutemen Duet, London Scala (02/12/2004) The shellac of north america tickets had been looking down at me from the bookshelf every day for the last couple of months, so I must have read plus special guests a few hundred times before last night, but gave it no real thought. The support bands are by definition not the main event. Then I get a text message from Richard after he saw Shellac on Tuesday saying that he heard that The Minutemen would be supporting. The special guests line was suddenly the most important part of the ticket. The fucking Minutemen? Well almost. The two surviving members Mike Watt and George Hurley now form The Minutemen Duet. Out of respect for D Boon, who died in 1985, they haven't ever tried to fill his shoes. Some of the songs are tweaked a little to accommodate the lack of guitar but a lot of the music is played straight and the weird thing is that by having this guitar shaped hole in the music you don't get a sense that something is missing at all. In fact it's just the opposite. You get an uncanny feeling that D Boon is right up there with them and that's exactly how it should be. Mike Watt: "And I'm standing back there and I'm thinking, 'This is so fucked up. I have to tell him he's dead and he can't be here anymore...' I had to tell him he was dead - because D Boon was such a fucking fierce dude, I don't think he knew he was dead. In a weird way, he did not know. I don't think you know you're dead; I think it's like the equator - somebody has to tell you you've crossed it." from Our Band Could Be Your Life by Michael Azerrad. During a brief lull in the music the kid next to me leans in and asks "Is that what they're called?" in response to Watt shouting his dead friend's name. I tell the guy that it's the name of the guitarist that he's hearing, the guy that snapped his neck in a stupid accident back before he was (probably) born. The kid looks at me and says "Fuck! Is that The Minutemen?" It's a while since I've seen a bigger grin at a gig. I never thought I'd find myself singing along to 'Toadies' or 'Little man with a gun in his hand' while watching these guys play. Gig of the year? I should fucking think so. And Shellac were awesome but it took Bob Weston to put some perspective on the cockeyed bill: "It's embarrassing that they're playing before us. I'd like to dedicate this show to D Boon." Albini added, "D Boon and John Peel are sitting on a sofa somewhere right now." And we cheered. 'Prayer to God' is one of my all time favourite songs. You can keep your feel-happy lyrics, your "look at all the people" bollocks. Albini can pen lyrics that are truly mean but at the same time also defy you not to laugh out loud: Him - just fucking kill him, I don't care if it hurts. Yes I do, I want it to, fucking kill him but first make him cry like a woman, (no particular woman) Genius. Shellac played a blinding set and broken strings and untuned guitars left plenty of room for audience participation, "You look like Tom Baker!", an improvised Q&A session "If it would bring about world peace would you cut the throat of a baby-thing?", and heckling from a witch who was later invited to join the band. Another reference to John Peel was thrown appropriately enough into Albini's rambling 'Is this thing on?/Radio' rant and a fucking great time was had by all. Mike Watt popped his head through from backstage a couple of times, once munching a sandwich, and it was nice to see him nodding his head to the noise that Shellac was throwing our way, but it would have been even nicer to see them headline the show and play for a little longer. A little longer? I could have watched The Minutemen all night. Mike is blogging to: Minor Threat

BREATHLESS The new Nick Cave video Wow. Thanks Suzanne Mike is blogging to: bunnies

SOMETHING NEW More tomorrow. Mike is blogging to: KLF

HELLO To all the people who found me yesterday when searching for: I hope I was of some help. Mike is blogging to: The Monkees

TOP 10 LAUREL & HARDY MOVIES THAT COULD ALSO BE PORN TITLES 10 Slipping Wives (1927) 09 Bacon Grabbers (1929) or Their Purple Moment (1928) -- tie 08 Early to Bed (1928) 07 The Finishing Touch (1928) 06 Double Whoopee (1929) 05 Angora Love (1929) 04 Sugar Daddies (1927) 03 That's My Wife (1929) 02 Dirty Work (1933) And the winner is: 01 Babes in Toyland (1934) Idea blatantly stolen from the Kung Fu Monkey John Wayne list. Mike is blogging to: Black Flag

I ONLY HAD A CORONA Tomorrow we are off to see Shellac. It turns out that they'll be supported by The Minutemen Duet. I've already heard from a couple of people who saw Shellac last night and have some other friends seeing them tonight but as excited as I was about seeing Mr Albini again I'm now all frothy in the mouth at the thought of seeing George Hurley and Mike Watt doing their thing. Friday night we are seeing Margaret Cho which should be a lot of fun and will fill the comedy/spoken word gap until Henry Rollins gets back over here in January. Mike is blogging to: The Dead Kennedys