Women are hard to fathom... I took Jess to see YUMENO yesterday, figuring she'd get a kick out of a little indie Japanese goodness and that it'd also act as a sweetener for dragging her to watch LATE BLOOMER straight afterwards. Turns out she hated YUMENO (although I thought it rocked) and loved the film about the cerebral palsy suffering serial killer. Girls are weird. YUMENO was a dark little movie with a beautiful snow bound setting - restless youth, murder and blue contact lenses. I'll be writing about it and LATE BLOOMER later. Tonight we are off to see THE GLAMOROUS LIFE OF SACHIKO HANAI. Bravo to the chaps at Midnight Eye for building such an inspired Japanese strand to this year's Raindance:

Sachiko Hanai is a call girl specialising in role-playing the type of lusty home tutor every adolescent boy dreams of having correct his homework. One day she inadvertently stumbles into a coffee shop interrupting some dodgy dealings. Tempers flare, guns are drawn and Sachiko finds herself in the path of a stray bullet that hits her bang in the centre of her forehead. Dazed and confused, she wanders into the streets, not noticing a mysterious metal canister being inserted into her handbag. Her attempts at dislodging the bullet with an eye-liner pencil set off a volley of flashing lights and strange images; suddenly Sachiko finds herself able to speak foreign languages and solve complex formulae, making her much in demand as a bona-fide tutor. Unfortunately, the cylinder contains a replica of the finger of the US president, whose fingerprint is capable of unleashing nuclear Armageddon. Sachiko soon begins to finds herself the subject of unprecedented international attention. Meike's sexy, anarchic, satirical romp was originally released into pink cinemas in a 65-minute version called Horny Home Tutor: Teacher's Love Juice, but proved so popular that a 'director's cut' was prepared, featuring enough raunch, humour and weirdness to please all but the most po-faced. The depiction of the current incumbent at the White House is particularly to be savoured

After that we finally get to see THE PRODIGY. Eve has been telling me about this forever. She also hooked me up with the director Will Kaufman and Jake West, the director of EVIL ALIENS. I have the best friends. Speaking of San Fran associates... I've followed Jackson over onto Blottered. I'll be blogging there for the foreseeable crime ridden future. Because you can never have enough blogs to play with, right? Later today the new issue of Firecracker should be up. That's the place to find my reviews of THE EYE 2, ANOTHER PUBLIC ENEMY, THE BODYGUARD, GI SAMURAI, GOLGO13 and THE KILLING MACHINE. Still plaguing Londonist of course (and I did enjoy the 3CR show). And once I've seen a few more films besides yesterdays ONE STEP BEHIND I'll be back in the saddle over on Cinema Minima. Starting to post more in Suzanne's lovely Temple too. On top of all that my London Film Festival press stuff came today... there are some screening clashes with Raindance which is annoying as the preview stuff kicks off on Monday. I'll be running from the NFT and Shaftsbury Avenue like a madman. Jess is back in Blackpool covering the Tory conference from Sunday so I'll be ragged and living on crappy food for a few days too... I'm already chuckling at the thought of this one though:

THEY CAME BACK - The dead have returned...and are undergoing an existential crisis! They Came Back is philosophically rich and intensely, though subtly, moving. A striking first feature by the co-writer and editor of Laurent Cantet's films.

French zombies man... they creep me out. [Music: Ramones]

Nuclear Holiday... Off to see Three Colours Red. Kind of dragging my heels - haven't seen these guys since they opened for KISS at some all day festival years ago and haven't heard anything they've done since that first album. I'm told they split and reformed... we shall see what we shall see. [Music: 3CR]

I have been living a lie... For a while now I have been telling people about the delights of The Giant Spider Invasion and in particular the role played by William Shatner. After watching TGSI for the first time since I was a teenager I have of course found out I was mistaken - I should have been preaching the joys of Kingdom of the Spiders instead. Not that TGSI isn't a lot of fun, but this kind of thing needs a Star Trek presence to really push it over the edge... hence my excitement over the re-release of Night of the Lepus... I apologise for any harm this mistake may have caused. If anyone has a copy of Kingdom of the Spiders handy please get in touch - I'd also love to see Horror at 37,000 Feet again (the one with the frozen dogs on the haunted plane). Gotta love the Shatner horror... [Music: off]

Sonny Chiba rules me... Had my own little movie tsunami to wade through and now my eyes are bleeding. In the last couple of days I watched Another Public Enemy, The Eye 2, The Bodyguard, GI Samurai, Golgo 13, Killing Machine and Suspiria (for the umpteenth time). Reviews are written and should be up in a couple of days. And somewhere new at that... I've also been invited to partake in a new blog which I'll get to later tonight. Now I have a lot of email to mop up (and a couple of interviews to arrange) before I get back here... I also need something to soak up all the coffee sloshing in my gut. It's Tuesday right? Damn, my head's battered worse than a Scottish Mars bar. [Music: I have no idea what the fuck this is...]

Those of you bitching about my glorious visage... ...take note. This is what Yahoo are working on right now: Masturbate if you must... [Music: off]

I thought I had escaped the camera... A blurry Mike Originally uploaded by K & P.

You can tell I was saying something really intelligent... probably about Starbuck's arse. So we all know what was in the hatch now right? [Music: Goblin]

She's back... Jess Originally uploaded by K & P.

Much rejoicing. Ken took that killer pic last night after Jess jumped off a train to join in the Londonist fun. More here including a great one of Alex. [Music: Ramones, Ramones and some more Ramones]

Fingers crossed... Jess should be home soon. She was delayed by some bright spark spreading their guts across the railway line between Blackpool and Preston - can't say it was a bad decision, but it did screw up the escape route. Now I have to juggle the arrival with a Londonist meet-up. I'm glad now that I threw away everything that was breeding in the sink rather than try and clean it. Would have needed a flamethrower... Now everything is spick and span with that just replaced look of cleanliness... Come to think of it I should have upgraded the cat to a small puppy too. [Music: off]

Drinking vodka at two in the afternoon isn't good... ...but it does taste nice. My comments on Blackpool resulted in a few choice emails pointing out that this cheerful seaside resort is far from the dark filthy backwater that I describe. That would be fine if the people emailing didn't have names like bryan69 and discochick. Jess is back in a day or so with photos - shudder. And this morning the passes for the Tory conference arrived so I'll try and get up there in October along with Jess if only to remind myself exactly why it is that England should be underwater once you get outside the M25. I also got a little barrage of fan mail over this. I didn't vote for him, I didn't force you to vote for him and yes I do think it'd be better for all involved if he died in a freak weasel accident. Or if someone shot him. Or blew him up. Just don't put him on t shirts like Krutch Cobain and The Princess of skiing holidays please. And thanks to the wag who signed me up for the Iranian Sunni League mailing list. [Music: Dogwood - Seismic]

TV... I'd just about given up on the new Galactica when Warren pointed out that Michelle Forbes pops up next week. This is good news as after the Global Frequency pilot and a soft spot for Kalifornia I'd watch Forbes in anything. The news gets better as it turns out that she's only playing Admiral Cain: That means the idiot writers have finally woken up and are giving us The Pegasus and all the fun that that entails. Good move. Last week was ok - a definite improvement in fact - but don't have the characters moaning about the lack of ships and parts at the beginning and then finish with a Cylon turkey shoot. If Starbuck can get one of those fuckers to fly after shooting it through the head then surely the chief can use a hundred or so engines if nothing else. Dumb. I'm still trying to like Rome. Still an annoying piece of crap though. And no one got stabbed through the throat this week. Unlike a lot of other people I found the Bones pilot annoying a few months back. I'm told the show gets better. Maybe I'll get around to checking it out. Beats me why they cancelled Eyes - that was all the show I really needed besides Deadwood. Supernatural was a horrible piece of shit. I stopped watching after suffering all that blobby exposition once the stupid ghost turned up. Piece. Of. Crap. Medium got a second season? Fuck's sake. I hear Threshold is good. Once Surface has downloaded (which looks dire) I'll check it out. As if Lost didn't have enough to answer for... Still catching up with Lost on Channel Four? The season finale revolves around a lump in Charlie's testicle that turns out to be lucky if you squeeze it. Between your teeth. The whole thing ends with Hurley gang raping the rest of the cast (all on his own - turns out he's not fat but has several coiled penises hidden under his shirt - like Doc Ock but with veins). Oh and the labrador can talk - it's voiced by Bill Cosby. [Music: The Disgusteens]

Bye Bye Baby... After dropping off Jess at Euston I shoot down the Victoria line and get to the Curzon in time to miss the second documentary of the day, the one I wanted to see. Turns out the first one was much shorter than I figured and although the staff were quite happy to let me in I didn't want to try and fill in the blanks some twenty minutes into the thing. Instead a wander around Green Park - too cold for tourists - and the back streets of Mayfair until I get thirsty enough for caffeine - my fifth shot of the day. Curious about the wifi ability of Starbucks I order a large black coffee only to find that TMobile will charge me the princely sum of five pounds for one hour online. There are twelve year olds chained to Soho radiators cheaper than that. I'm looking forward to lounging around at the LFF - free wifi for the likes of me just as it should be all over London. Backward fucking city. Remembering my headphones for a change is a blessing - not only do they drown out the jibbering Americans to my right, but it means I can jump from watching Sean Pertwee shout at angels in The Legacy IV to listening to Japanese bands like Bunny Fuzzy coverings Ramones songs - Bye Bye Baby indeed. Jess keeps my phone buzzing into the coffee cup with SMS updates from the train. I met her Danish friend (Rikk?) for the first time at the station - neither of them have been to Blackpool before. I slip a mini-can of mace into their pockets without them seeing. Best to be prepared for every eventuality. The last time I was in Blackpool there was a man grappling with a large snake about halfway along the 'golden mile'. Next to him was a girl with two inches of tongue down some other girl's throat - that girl up to her knuckles in pussy. Difficult to say if either was street performance or just locals doing their thing. Everyone over 35 looks like Elvis in his final years - especially the womenfolk. Not looking forward to going home to an empty flat. Maybe I'll get around to sorting out that Withnail and I like pile of matter in the sink. Like chopping up girls in bathtubs it's probably a 3am kind of job. I don't sleep much at the best of times so if nothing else I'll catch up on the movies that have been piling up around me. The laptop just caught someone's eye - elbows are nudged, cup rims are peered over. Thing obviously needs more stickers or something. I should blind the little alien bastard on the lid - his constant blinking invites people over to comment - I'm hoping the headphones and glare keep people at bay. Failing that I can always pull the lead and hit them with something loud and obnoxious. The Galloway/Hitchens debate perhaps... Thinking about using the single time to evaluate some stuff - Visible Monsters for one thing. A lot of friends have closed down their websites this year or moved onto other online projects. I'm not going to kill the blog, but maybe it should be working a little harder. I'm also going to be looking for a lot more paying work. I think I've hit a wall that I need to push through if I'm not going to get bored and broke before Christmas. Be nice to have a little more cash in the bank before the next SF trip. Things will be mad busy between the Raindance and London film fests so the real challenge will be using the free time I have between screenings to get some other work done. Right now I have an hour to catch up with email before I head back to the Curzon... [Music: C drive on random]

Let's make the water turn black... I survived another birthday on Friday. Jess had the day off so we did the pizza thing, the movie thing... the couple thing. Worked out well because her long weekend has turned into work sending her to Blackpool. Odd to think of her stuck in the place that I used to get dragged to as a kid. Horrible horrible place. This also means I am in bachelor mode for the next three days... not a pretty sight. Today at least I have at least three movies to distract me as the Firecracker comes to an end. The official closing film, Crying Fist, was last night (we also saw Sword in the Moon), but there's a few films left at the Curzon so while Jess is being dragged kicking and screaming towards the illuminations I'll be watching The Big Durian, Lost in Wu Song and Gangster. Then back here for bad takeaway food and horror movies until I pass out on the sofa. Be thankful Jess will have the camera with her... [Music: off]

Is it just me or... ... is the Jesus gang made up of breast-heads? Betray Originally uploaded by StefZ.

[Music: The Adolescents - OC Confidential]

Also featuring a band called The Sick Fucks... Martin Space:1999 Landau walks into a diner. Things are a little strange - the kitchen seems to be HELL. People call him preacher. The waitress brings him his usual - an enormous raw dead fish. Landau is startled when a frog appears from nowhere. Things get weirder when the cook appears. It's only Donald bloody Pleasence. More weirdness ensues with lots of bible quotations and a cloud break inside the diner before Landau finds himself hanging upside down in chains. Pleasence moves closer to Landau with an ENORMOUS cleaver and brings it down between Landau's legs with enough force to sever him in two... if he hadn't at that point woken up SCREAMING in his asylum. The credits roll - ALONE IN THE DARK and just when you think things can't get any better you read starring JACK PALANCE. They don't make 'em like that any more. The worrying thing about this new Google Blog Search is that more unsuspecting people will stumble upon Johnny. Read the last couple of posts and then go have a nice sit down and a cup of tea. [Music: Balzac & other Japanese noise]

Samurai 7 My first foray into fansubbed animation has led me to Samurai 7 - a Sci-Fi themed version of Kurosawa's Seven Samurai in 26 half hour episodes. Man, it's good. There's a lot of respect for the original on display and the animation is beautiful - no idea how you'd find it legitimately and I'm guessing there's no official release with English subs yet anyway, but* if you come across it then watch it. I'm only a single episode in and I'm hooked already. The bandits use giant roving platforms to harass the villagers - a weird cross between the floating heads of Zardoz and the menace of the original War of the Worlds tripods. The trio who head for the ravaged city in search of protection are a have-a-go hero type accompanied by a priestess (a clever way to update the love interest) and child sidekick who isn't too annoying yet. The episode finished with the rescue of the kidnapped child from the original movie and you get introduced to the character based on Toshiro Mifune - a gigantic samurai robot (the rest are human) who literally lets off steam by destroying things with a HUGE sword. He has Mifune's ticks too. Fucking awesome. I'm tempted to press on straight away, but I think I'm going to milk this one... *Update: Already available on DVD in region one. [Music: Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas soundtrack]

Fucking old age... I have done something to my shoulder. Hurts like a bastard. And it's stopping me from sleeping which isn't good as I have to be at the LFF press launch in the morning... I'm always the only one at these things splashing coffee in my eyes. This was the wreck of me this afternoon: Pre Birthday Stocktake Originally uploaded by sizemore.

You don't want to know what I look like at 1am. Like Lovecraft's Elder Gods I'm best left to the imagination. [Music: Lots of Ramones]

Still here... But actually on our way out to see another movie. Been a hectic week. This morning the interweb connection fell over and then Jess spent most of the day working from home which was a nice distraction. She turned 24 yesterday so there was much birthday stuff to do and before that it's been one film after another. I'd forgotten how cool Andy Lau was. Tonight it's Korean gangsters in A Bittersweet Life while tomorrow it's Cockroach Man (the Philippines answer to Spiderman) in Gagamboy... I'll catch up with email later tonight. Much later. [Music: off]

No Blood No Tears Reviewed. Just got time to fit another movie in before Jess gets home, followed by drinks with Xandrija. Part two of Rome and Rock School will have to wait (was Galactica not on this week?). [Music: off]

Films, films and more films... Jess' birthday on WTC day and I'm already ahead of the game present wise. I rock. As promised there's a review of Seopyeonje up. I dusted off my Cinema Minima login for that one - there's also a quick preview of the fest here. Last night we watched No Blood No Tears so I guess I'll get something up about that too. Great flick. Oh and The Hidden Blade too. In fact by the end of the week I should have covered Nuan, Green Fish, Two Great Sheep, Suffocation and Say Yes too. And that's before the Festival even starts... busy busy. And I just got the full line up for Raindance... fuck. [Music: Transvision Vamp - Hanging Out With Halo Jones - fuck yeah]

Pansori... Nick and Erika are trying to kill me by arranging press screenings at 9.30 in the morning... good job there was strong coffee on hand. I'm glad I made the effort to get there though as the film, Seopyeonje, a Korean classic from 1993 directed by Im Kwok-Taek was a beautiful piece of cinema. The story of an obsessive folk singer may well be a hard sell for most Londoners, but people would be mad to miss this when it shows at the Firecracker Showcase. Hard to say whether it will get picked up for DVD distribution any time soon and it's definitely a rare chance to see it on a proper screen. I'll get a full review up somewhere tomorrow. This afternoon has already slipped away and later I have to meet Jess up at the Feminist Library with the laptop... hope I don't have to wear a dress to get through the door. Doing that Terry Jones voice gives me a sore throat. [Music: Japanese Ramones Tribute]

Don't try... via Warren [Music: off]

Be glad you saw Nola as she once was... Mike Watt forwarded on this email from Rob Cambre of New Orleans:

watt, rob cambre here..... i am alive and ok...julie and i left town saturday before the official evac but my town is largely fucked and there is much horror and misery going on there now. it's all hard to imagine. we have most likely lost our home, but are safe and can move on. i threw guitars/fx/and amp in the car before splitting, so can rock for food if need be. more details later....limited computer access. holding together and staying with family North of the lake....lovely folks....can't beat that. it'll never be the same there. be glad you saw nola as she once was. -- onward / RC

You can read more about Rob, his music and why he named his company after a Minutemen song right here. Too annoyed to sleep despite Sleater Kinney putting on a hell of a show. Greg brought this to my attention. What else did we expect? [Music: off]

Don't ever trust the needle... Off to see Sleater Kinney tonight. It's an early show so we'll be home early - I think we both need an early night. Jess has her arm all strapped up (tennis elbow of all things - actually golfer's elbow as it's on the wrong side but that sounds even sillier) and a very painful steroid injection to look forward to. You know it's going to hurt if the doc says that - every time they tell me to get ready for a scratch it feels like they're using a fucking axe. I'm just on coffee withdrawal and moody as fuck. Turns out Doc is playing the Garage tonight, but we'll miss it - bummer. Had an interesting conversation this morning with Jackson, and Suzanne has been feeding me eye candy. Hopefully bumping into Mark from Londonist tonight too... It looks increasingly unlikely that we'll get out to see Duncan's show in Helsinki - money is TIGHT this month and we both have stupid birthdays in the way - luckily he's set up a new blog. Should have booked the plane tickets months ago like the smart kids... Tomorrow is The Hidden Blade and a party in Brick Lane. Sunday I'm going to rest up. I am old and have brittle bones. PS There's a killer competition over on Londonist at the moment. Fuck the crappy festival but that's a nice camera... [Music: Sahara Hotnights]

Anarchy in the USA... While the BBC provides excellent around the clock coverage on News 24 they are hampered by having to repeat themselves on the hour and fit all the trivial shit in too - like sport. Still the best for big breaking news stories, but when it comes to in-depth reporting Channel Four News is the best at what it does - Newsnight comes a close second, but I generally miss it because I am dumb and don't wear a watch. This is the headsup for tonight's Ch4 report on New Orleans:

The news out of New Orleans is getting harder to believe every hour. The world's only superpower seems to have lost control of the situation. Thousands of people are still stranded without food, water or medicine. Tens of thousands more homeless. Lawlessness is spreading around the city with police and national guard trying to control things but ambulances and rescue helicopters have been shot at by armed thugs. Those stranded at centres like the sports stadium are in appalling conditions with grim sanitation and supplies. There are attempts to get a few thousand people a day out of the city as the Mayor has ordered the forced evacuation of everyone, but it is pitifully slow and the people have little or nothing to go to. As for the bodies - there is still no reliable estimate of those dead. But now the Mayor and a senator have put it in the thousands. People are starting to ask whether or not the warning and evacuation was mishandled. If people are being forced to leave now then why not at the weekend before Katrina struck? And there are increasing voices emerging about the warnings that were ignored. Federal funds were denied to strengthen the levees. Was America so obsessed with fighting terror that it forgot what homeland security really means? And does the demographic breakdown of those worst hit - predominantly poor and black have anything to do with how little was done to help them? Tonight we have teams on the ground and in the air. Jon Snow is on his way to anchor our ongoing coverage from there from tomorrow. We'll be talking to the journalist who wrote a piece predicting this exact outcome three months ago. And back here in London we are talking to scientists around the world about whether and how New Orleans can recover. We'll also be looking at the effect on petrol supply and prices. Plus Nick Glass will be doing the obituary to New Orleans. It is worth noting that George Bush's new chief of Homeland Security was out launching September as National Preparedness Month. You couldn't make it up.

I accept that getting all those people mobilised would have taken a massive effort, but just sticking people in a stadium and hoping for the best? And again that's only the people that can make it to the stadium. Those on welfare, those without transport, those sick at home and with no insurance... well fuck them I guess. Unbelievable. [Music: The Presidents of the United States - Freaked Out & Small]

Been up since 4am... At first I thought it was simply the heat, but it turns out that I was munched throughout the night. Fucking bugs. Jess is now wrapped up on the sofa - not just sick of being bitten, but also feeling run down thanks to a bad arm. Looks like she's not going into work today so we're going to the doc's as soon as the surgery opens. I'll be on and offline accordingly. Oh and forget what I said earlier - what we need is a good fucking cull before we take everything with us. Stupid fucking race. [Music: Marilyn Manson - Golden Age Of Grotesque]

Some cursed example poison'd near the head, death and disease through the whole land spread... Not a good day today. 900+ dead in Iraq thanks to a fucking rumour? And the pictures coming out of New Orleans are just sickening. We were there over the new year in 2003/4 and while I wouldn't say that it was my favourite place in the US it deserves better than this. And I'm not talking about Katrina. The French Quarter needed to be leveled, but the sad thing is that that'll probably be the first part rebuilt and on an even more garish fake touristy shithole of a scale. While we were there - and admittedly we were only there for a few days - we spent much of our time well away from Bourbon Street and the like over on the other side of Canal Street. Away from the Girls Gone Brain Dead mentality were a lot of really nice people - poor and black for the most part. And poor like you wouldn't believe if you've never been outside of the UK. Our train took us through little communities that looked more like shanty towns than a part of the Land of the Free. We ate and shopped and wandered as far away from the new year revelers as we could and that part of the trip benefited greatly for it. We stopped and spoke to people whenever we could and were never made to feel anything but welcome. One wholesale place we found and were invited inside sold the kind of Dickies clothing that both Jess and I get a kick out of. We spent a while there talking to the people who ran the place. It was filled mostly with work clothes - nurses ER garb, workmen's heavy jackets and boots etc - clothes for people with REAL jobs. The staff got a laugh out of the prices we'd normally pay back here in London. The morning before we caught the Amtrak up to Chicago we called into a diner we'd been into before and were loaded up with food, drinks and snacks for the trip. I think that leg of the journey was a 19 hour train ride. While one woman made us huge sandwiches like the ones she treated her grandchildren too we talked with the men at the table next to us about their hopes for 2004 and their worries about what Bush would do next. A lot of the places we hung out in aren't there anymore - some of those people may well have died over the last few days. If they didn�t they certainly lost everything. Tonight I watched footage that showed the street where our hotel was - now underwater. Now it strikes me as Bush fucks around with his guitar and emergency workers and rescue units rush to the scene that perhaps with ALL that warning ahead of the hurricane that maybe a little more could have been done to evacuate the city. What would it have taken to have emergency units ready to move in from nearby the moment the winds dropped? What would it take to make sure that those who couldn't AFFORD to run for their lives had a means of getting themselves and their families out of harms way? A little resolve. Some money. Intent. One of the Channel Four News team in an email yesterday pointed out that there was some irony in the fact that the world's biggest polluter is now literally reaping the whirlwind of global warming. Of course it's not those guilty of the pollution that are suffering now anymore than it's those who arranged the war in Iraq that are dying in it. As much as America annoys me on a daily basis - and boy is it annoying - I still believe it's a beautiful vibrant country filled with wonderful people. I just wish they'd find a way to dispose of the very rank, very old, very rich, very white head. The strongest image I saw today was I think form Biloxi where coffins had been torn from the ground and set down with the rest of the debris. Nature's good at underlining her point. If America wants to make really good horror movies then it needs to concentrate on documentaries and perhaps show some its more insular inhabitants exactly how the rest of the world perceives it. Henry Rollins described it as the 'does my butt look big in this?' syndrome - every time Bush and his government do the unacceptable the rest of the country suffered the backlash from the likes of the UK and Europe. I actually defend Americans a lot more than I criticise them because so many of my friends live out there and are trying to do the best they can from the inside, but it must be demoralising to carve out even a little island of sanity and still have it float among all that madness. There's no logical way that a country that rich, that technologically advanced can at the same time be so poor, so small hearted and so fucking backward when it comes to doing the right thing. PS If you want to donate money to say The Red Cross it's a good idea to do it through John's site - because he's RICH (and sleeps on a bed of vaginas) he's matching every dollar donated through Kung Fu Monkey with a dollar of his own. [Music: Manofuckingwar]