WHO IS JUSTIN HAWKINS? Warren Ellis' Bad Signal: To: Bob Geldof, Midge Ure Re: Band Aid 20 Wouldn't it have been kinder and easier to simply walk around the country, shit in people's hands and then demand five pounds? After the late-Eighties tardpop version of "Do They Know It's Christmas?", we wouldn't have thought it was possible to debase your own achievement any more. But, fuck me, you managed it, didn't you? And so a unique moment in the histories of popular music and activism has become an artifact of cultural poison that will generate nothing but hate and resentment in the guts of entire populations. Well done, you silly old bastards. And Justin Hawkins is still a twat. I never thought the first one was much good to be honest. It was just all these wankers that I despised explaining to me via a really bad song that starving people had more pressing issues than Christmas to worry about. I had no idea that this had already been redone. I vaguely remember an American version that was just as bad but easier to ignore. And I've probably still got the Rock/Metal equivalent that Ronnie James Dio and friends put out called Hear 'n Aid. What I do really remember well is that immediately after that first broadcast on the news, the first one to show dying kids covered in flies, my dad turned to my mum and said "Sew up their cunts and cut off their dicks. Problem solved." He probably used the word 'niggers' as well but I don't really remember. Being a racist fuck he threw that term around a lot. Which was really puzzling to me as the district nurse that looked after the sad bastard's numerous health problems was black. I used to be friends with her son as they lived near us when I was about 8 years old. Their surname was Sackie which meant my parents would often chastise me for playing with "Sackie the blackie". And people wondered why I didn't seem to care that the bastard died or that my mum is at this moment probably foaming at the mouth and strapped down in a mental ward. But thanks for the worried emails. Seriously, my main concern at the moment is over whether to give in and buy 'GTA: San Andreas' or wait until after Christmas... Mike is blogging to: Send More Paramedics