Idiot Boxing...

I mentioned in the comments that I would still be watching Lost if the Big Bad had turned out to be a polar bear eating dragon instead of a crappy column of smoke and I got two text messages. The first called me a fucker for "ruining the ending" of Lost and of course came from one of my fellow Brits who is still being spoon fed season one of the show on Channel Four instead of torrenting it like a grown up. I'm sure if I mentioned who it was that shot JR in Dallas back in 1980* I'd get angry email from some fan in Siberia complaining that I ruined the surprise. For the record Lost has no ending - that's the point. Nothing will ever be satisfactorily resolved in case the battery hens stop pecking away at the corn for even a moment (and peck away they do). I stopped watching it because I want them ALL to die. Just not this slowly. The second text message asked me what I was watching instead. Good question. Bad answer: Here's what I'm not watching anymore. Threshold - started great but tripped up badly early on and I bailed before it was put out of its misery so as not to get blood on my shoes. Invasion - I simply didn't care about any of those people and I know a bad bodysnatchers concept when I see one. Surface - Too cutesy. How do you fuck up big monsters that eat whales? Even the teenage girls in bikinis couldn't stop me from wanting to hit the moany heroine across the head with the annoying kid and then use their corpses to weigh down the body of the big dumb one. Prison Break - I know a lot of people rate this one quite highly, but people... it's utter bollocks. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? I've stayed clear of Triangle because the same people telling me it's good are the same people telling me I have to see past that idiot's magic picture tattoos until I see the beauty of the intricately structured sailboat beneath. Fuck. That. So what am I watching? House, of course. Hugh Laurie is riveting and it still makes me laugh even though it's not doing anything quite as special as it did in season one. Veronica Mars. Still one of the best things on TV, but season 2 is flagging alarmingly. Dare I say I'd like less of Ms Mars and more of her dad? Season one though - unfuckable with. But the best show on TV at the moment, head and shoulders above the competition?

Bones.

I was slow to warm to it, but it sucked me in because of the dialogue, the characters and at least one killer scene in every single episode. I had Boreanaz down as a one joke lunk, but he's very good in this and he and Emily Deschanel are perfect together (please God never let them get together). The squints that surround them are like a little geek family and even though I thought Jonathan Adam's character was forced in a little late his turn in the Christmas episode was maybe the best bit in the best episode of the season so far. High fucking bar that. And yeah I still watch the two bad CSIs, but that's like the porn you download not to jerk off to, but simply to say what the fuck did I just see?* That keeps me more than busy until 2006 offers up more Galactica and Deadwood. Notes: * It was Sue Ellen's Sister ** You just saw David Caruso aging with every step like the bad guy at the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, forcing the wooden dialogue from dead lips while his supporting cast of mannequins push and pull until the whole thing lies still born in it's own blood before being stamped with the Bruckheimer boot. Excellent. And no I haven't forgotten Curb Your Enthusiasm. It's not simply a show so it doesn't get name checked above - it's more a way of life - a spiritual thing. Feel free to argue with me but that would just mean you have an unfeasibly large vagina. [Music: Henry Rollins - Twas the Night Before Christmas]