Stu just sent me "20 Questions to cheer you up". In the interests of showing you the kinds of friends I keep here are his questions and my carefully considered responses: so what is actually wrong with you? I have a 'Periabcess' same thing as before? Its similar to what laid me up in Cyprus two years ago. what causes it? The doctor says I'm just unlucky - I still have to rule out diabetes but I'm too scared of the needle at the moment. do you need to change your lifestyle if it is going to keep happening I think a lifestyle change is well in order anyway. I've just quit work, will be moving house soon and need to find a new job so a new improved Mike should be possible as well. My dad was dead by 42 and i would like to outlive the fucker. is it sore? Fuck yes. in what way is it sore? Sometimes its like a dull toothache but lately its like that demon bitch from 'The Evil Dead' is jamming a pencil into me. what sort of pain is it? The kind you wouldn't want to wish on anyone else. would I laugh if I was there? Yes would you laugh with me if I laughed at you while I was there? Yes. In a 'Jackass' kind of way. The next time we get together I want to staple my name on your arse. change of lubricant required? This is obviously a reference to the male g spot for which you have yet to search. My advice to you is look within and reap the rewards. I am thinking about you are you thinking about me? God you sound gay sometimes. what does Jess think? That I'm an idiot. That i should look after myself more. That I shouldn't make her watch David Cronenberg movies. was it her fault? No. She's been an angel. She refused to wear a 'Carry On' style nurses uniform though. was it work's fault? No. So I can't sue. do you love Duncan? Gay and jealous. Only in the way that a man can love his ex-boss. do you laugh at cows that fall over with BSE? No. it sickens me. I did laugh when i heard one of the butchers got shot in the head with a bolt though. do you laugh at drunken cows that fall over outside clubs? Yes. As soon as one falls over she should be sterilised to stop the idiocy spreading. I went through my pics last night and I have one of your old brummie flame girlie type friend, I didn't delete it, should I have done? That's up to you mate. Do you mean Diane? That was over so long ago that I haven't got a problem with you keeping it. We parted on bad terms though which was a shame. do you think these are enough questions to keep you going and cheer you up? They are doing the trick at the moment do you want more questions? Yes. I could make it a weekly blog event. Mike is blogging to: 'Bleeder' by The Alkaline Trio