"TED, DON'T FEAR THE REAPER!" Mark came over to see me this afternoon � always good to see an Ott face in the Borders realm. As you can see from my last post a certain autobiography greeted me this morning. Sure, he can laugh now but when history comes to write my tale that cricket-bastard will be a mere footnote. Fucker. Let me fill in some of the blanks from the last few days: Sorry to the Americans sat behind me at the theatre the other night who were taken aback by my reading of the new 'Eightball' collection during the interval. I guess you don�t go out for an evening of culture in London and expect to be subjected to gigantic cocks and ball swallowing cunts. Then again it must make a change from having Bush rammed down your throat. Speaking of Dubya, check out The Dicks of Hazzard. Bouncers and doormen are a disease that needs to be eliminated � better still free all the lab mice and rabbits and lets pour some bleach into their eyes instead. Of course you�d need a device that would be able to peel back the heavy ridge of bone over the eyes first. Failing this we could just set old astronauts on them � �Hey Buzz, that guy over in the doorway in the cheap tuxedo said you never went to the moon...� Graybo has some intelligent things to say re: 9-11 and the media in general. He also found a Landspeeder for sale on ebay. The best tribute to 9-11 came from Leah � �I am scared of milk and I eat three pieces of beef jerky at a time� From the mouths of babes and all that... Very cool quote from Zevon concerning his terminal cancer diagnosis: "I'm OK with it but it'll be a drag if I don't make it till the next James Bond movie comes out." I remember when I was a kid and was forced to deal with the whole mortality thing for the first time. The first thing that I was pissed off at was the fact that dying unexpectedly meant you�d miss out on any further episodes of your fave TV shows like 'Monkey' and 'Battle of the Planets'. Soon after, I became more pissed at the thought that other people (lets call em the non-dead) would actually carry on watching these shows without you. Bastards! This may be when I first became a malcontent. Michael Elphick died a few days ago. 'Boon' was a show I used to watch with my dad. I guess they�ll trawl some episodes out in �tribute�. Most of the obits spend too much time talking about his recent casting in 'Eastenders' (a certain clue that an actor is being hunted by the reaper) and not enough time mentioning his small turn in Withnail and I. My favourite slut seems to have fallen in love (maybe)... hope it works out for her. And don�t forget to check out www.williamshatner.com because everyone wants email from Captain Kirk. Work is going fine. I enjoy being a bookseller again and the people are cool. Plus I get to whiz around on really tall ladders, which is always a plus. The werewolf hunt is slowing down now that I have to interact with people and await their responses to my odd pleas but you can have an early teaser of the site over at http://www.westnetsolutions.co.uk/werewolf. Ill put a real link up once the site is live. Isn't Martin doing a damn good job? Email him and let him know. Jess and Pippa just rolled in pissed up after an evening at the vomiting Italian. Gotta go find some headphones as I�ve just been told that the Detroit Rock City DVD is once again going to rear it�s ugly head... Mike is blogging to: drunken girls and a freshly woken Australian.