"THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE" - and so are the idiots Thanks to the handy Random Recently Updated Redirector I've been reading a lot of random blogs lately - one interesting idea was a project to bring together New York City blogs - I had a quick look around and found a similar idea based in London - you can find me at the Wandsworth Common stop. Isn't it great when sci-fi starts becoming reality? It's much more satisfying than worrying about horror movies - we just watched some early Cronenberg and I for one would not want to spend time in Montreal with a porn actress if she had a penile skin graft infected with rabies... but back to the geek stuff - at last a fully functioning R2-D2. Now tell me what these F16s were chasing and does it have anything to do with anti-gravity ? Just in case you thought things were looking up though - have a read at the mentality of Texas and in particular what happened in the aptly named town of Godley: "An argument over who was going to heaven and who was going to hell ended with one Texas man shooting another to death with a shotgun, police said Monday. The man charged in the slaying is a corrections officer. Johnny Joslin, 20, was allegedly shot by Clayton Frank Stoker, 21, on Sunday. The two had spent Saturday night bar hopping with two other men in Fort Worth, about 40 miles (65 kilometers) northeast of Godley. Johnson County Sheriff Bob Alford said a witness who was the designated driver for the group told police the four men were sitting at a table outside a trailer park after their night on the town and began arguing about religion. The talk became heated when the subject turned to who would go to heaven and who would go to hell. Stoker said he would settle the argument and went into a house and returned with a shotgun, which he loaded and placed in his mouth, Alford said the witness reported. "The victim Joslin then took the gun out of Stoker's mouth, saying, 'If you have to shoot somebody, shoot me,"' Alford said, citing the witness report. The shotgun went off, hitting Joslin in the chest and killing him. Stoker, a Johnson County corrections officer, has been arrested and charged with first-degree murder, Alford said" Mike is blogging to: What's my problem today ? by eighty six

"THE PRESENT IS TRIVIA THAT I SCRIBBLE ON THESE FUCKING NOTES" Wondering just how America's 'War on Terrorism' will pan out in the next 10 years or so? Wonder no further: "Our enemies in this war have failed time and time again to destroy America, despite their best efforts. But some days, I feel that we have finished the job for them." Reading a blog from the future is a little like those flickery video images that appear in dreams during John Carpenter's Prince of Darkness - good idea but let's hope it doesn't catch on. There is enough drivel in the present without having to read the discharge of the 22nd century as well. So we saw two places today both overlooking the Thames - nice but not quite what we are looking for. They both had great views and massive windows, one of them had a pretty neat spiral staircase but both would have needed some major work before we were happy with them. So the hunt continues... Watched Memento again tonight with Duncan. Still a good movie despite a slight overfamiliarity with the plot. Still can't understand what happened to Guy Pearce - he did this and LA Confidential only to grab a hold of The Count of Monte Christo and The Time Machine - did he get old pal Jason Donovan to be his new agent? I did spot another tie in between Memento and Fight Club besides the oft quoted telephone number - there's a nice subliminal shot of Leonard sitting in Sammy's place in the mental hospital - you need the DVD and a quick trigger finger for the remote to catch him though. Speaking of trigger fingers - thanks again to Vince for all the extra trivia on the weapons in not only Unforgiven but just about every other Eastwood western ever made. Here's a nice example of the kind of email that you guys send me: "...a Starr double action cap and ball revolver. That is the gun he holds in the famous rear view poster, and the one he takes target practice with before riding off to recruit Ned Logan. The Starr was manufactured by Ebeneezer Starr in the 1860s, and was made in both double action and single action models. Actually the double action was not like a modern revolver. The main trigger cocked the hammer, and then as it was pulled further back, it tripped the second trigger located in the rear of the trigger guard that released the hammer to fire the round. We can see this clearly in the target practice scene. This gun reminds me somewhat of a similar British piece called the Tranter..." Now if only someone can show me as much enthusiasm for the guns in Logan's Run... Mike is blogging to: The Misfits - which have kept my sunbathing neighbours company for most of the day...

NIGHT OF THE BIG HEAT It seems as hot as 1967 - where's Christopher Lee when you need him? I'm tired but it's too hot to sleep. Tried to crash at 1am but got up again, tried again at 3am - same deal. Decided to stay awake and collapse some time tomorrow... Spent most of today at the cinema - saw The Business of Strangers double-billed with The Company of Men - good stuff. Today and yesterday I managed to see both Austin Powers and Minority Report way too many times... working in a cinema is just too damn convenient. I'm reading Hunter S Thompson at the moment - weird to read about the 80's and politics through his eyes - I'm watching Gilliam's Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas to speed things up until the sun decides to join us... Later today we are starting to look at houses again - more estate agents, more sweaty hand-shakes and tours round other people's homes... maybe I should take the camera... Mike is blogging to: the sound of the cat tearing up the stairs...

"DISCO BLOWS DOGS FOR QUARTERS MAN!" I've been working on my new story on and off all day but have still failed to come up with a decent title. One of the main features of the thing is a blind dog (sort of - I'll explain later) and writing about man's best friend is making me broody. Sure we've got a cat but he doesn't actually do anything. Its years since I had a dog but I'm slowly working on Jess so that we get one as soon as we get away from London. I even know the breed that would win her over: He's a Samoyed and you can find more about this particular guy here. The Japanese must find their own pets very frustrating - I may find Merry slow but at least I don't expect him to transform, hold a conversation or have some kind of secret ability. Check out this site to see how spending too much time trading Pokemon can effect your pet. Scary. In between writing I've been hunting down fun stuff - here's one for Doc who I know works in an office with way too much paper at his disposal: Star Wars Origami. Seeing as I stole his camp spider-man a few weeks ago here is spidey again but this time with a few pals: Sticking with the comic book theme - news on the upcoming Alan Moore movie is a mixed bag - grabbing Sean Connery is a good move but I'm not too sure about adding younger characters simply to try and grab a younger audience... that's a pretty fucked up way of looking at things - fans of the original comic seemed to manage the age gap ok and I have yet to walk out of a movie simply because it doesn't have enough 29year old actors in it... besides which, you need a basic literary knowledge to appreciate the comic anyway so that's going to alienate most of todays youth anyway... Mike is blogging to: Girls against Boys who are touring in November

"YOU GOT A WEIRD THING FOR CANADIAN MELODRAMA" I just started using Blogbuddy which is damn useful. Finding odd music online is a pain in the arse since the fall of Audioglaxy. I've been trying to find more stuff by Steven Jesse Bernstein but to no avail... Mike is blogging to The Pixies

"I WAS YOUNG ONCE TOO. AND HANDSOME. YOU'D HAVE BEEN IMPRESSED" I just stuck a Random Recently Updated Redirector link to the blog so that when you guys get bored reading my crap you can dip into the ocean of blogging debris via the pretty picture of waves on the right hand side - or just click here. I got myself a job at Borders on Oxford Street (beginning as soon as I get back from Stockholm at the end of August) which gives you yet another place to come stalk me in real life. I tried kidding myself for a few months but I guess I just like working in bookstores too much... My friend Daisy found her pic posted online because apparently she resembles Fairuza Balk: can't see it myself - Tank Girl, yes, but Ms Balk? well no, not really... Jess is out at a party tonight which leaves me free from distractions (as long as I don't let any renegade Australians into the house) so I should get a whole heap of website crap done this evening... The spare Fugazi tickets I had have all been claimed now but if anyone wants to meet up for a drink before the gig give me a call. I just got asked to do some work on the fun subject of internet surveillance - looking forward to getting my teeth into that one. It's a tight deadline as usual but I like being the guy that people ring as their only hope. Makes me feel like Harvey Keitel arriving at the airport in Holy Smoke - I'll have to start listening to Neil Diamond whenever I'm writing for someone else - well it'll make a nice change from The Misfits. Mike is blogging to: Read Music - Speak Spanish by Desaparecidos

"MY NECK DOES LOOK LIKE A VAGINA" Just saw Goldmember - just as good as the other two but pretty throw away stuff. tends to go one or two cameos too far - no one should be allowed to encourage Ms Speares or the wreck of Ozzy - but its very funny and Michael Caine was in top form. Speaking of Ozzy - why oh why couldn't he have killed himself before becoming siuch a caricature? he should have died on stage singing War Pigs or been shot to death by police after battering Sharon's head to pieces in an alcohol fueled frenzy. The other side of the coin is Kurt Cobain - some clever bastard has decided to publish his diaries - great, can't wait to read those pieces of shit... at first I was overjoyed when I heard this idiot was dead but now of course he haunts me every day - seeing his black n white head being slowly derformed and morphed by the still developing chests of his pre-teen fan base who still don't have the sophistication required to work out that suicide is nothing but the final act of a grade A loser - or that Smells like Teen Spirit is a piece of MTV fuelled crap. Damn cobain for getting that one thing right - if only he was still around, addled like Axl Rose trying to get people to take him seriously but ultimately only appealing to Italian exchange students... but instead he's dead and bigger than ever plus he helped spawn the rancid Foo Fighters... the final piece of excrement from his still kicking corpse. Fuck. Here's a nice use of a weblog - the Clergy Abuse Tracker - what will we think of next? Mike is blogging to: Read Music - Speak Spanish by Desaparecidos

"YOU'VE SPUN YOUR LAST WEB SPIDER MAN!" Last night we watched the original Get Carter (which Frank hadn't seen) and semi-crap 80's horror/comedy House. About 30 mins into House this little guy: crawled across the floor and up onto the sofa to watch the movie. I have never seen Jess or an Australian move so fast. This was doubly funny as Frank pulled his back at work yesterday and was screaming in both terror and agony as he leapt away from our eight legged visitor. The whole thing almost made the movie watchable. Almost. Reading wise - I just got through re-reading 'Leviathan' and 'The Music of Chance' by Paul Auster and am now working through the collected writings of Hunter S Thompson and Ken Kesey - all good stuff. I'm still plodding on with the writing and website update but its all going quite slowly at the moment. Tomorrow I have the 'thing' at Borders, may see a preview of Goldmember and may try and see the new Gilliam documentary as I heard a rumour that the man himself was going to make an appearance... News wise - maybe its time to burn your reward cards unless you want the FBI breaking down the door once they find you don't buy enough shaving products. Mike is blogging to Bobby Conn who will be in London soonish along with Tortoise and Trans Am

"HAIL TO THE KING, BABY" Busy weekend. Yesterday we went to Windsor just to get out of London for the day. I hadn't been there since I was a kid so we paid our extortionate fee and had a wander around the castle: As usual I got bored pretty damn quick and left Jess to look at all the historical crap while I sought out some American tourists to entertain me - it didn't take long: "So do you figure that castles were this medieval phenomenon all over Europe? Gee, these benches are neat - are they for sale?" This evening and tomorrow I'm going to drag over what�s left of the old site into the new format - a few things I was going to abandon have recently been the subject of quite a few emails so I'll be updating pages as well. Thanks to Vince for the corrections on Unforgiven - I'll never mistake a shotgun with a Spencer repeating rifle again. Thanks to Bill for sending me his list of Moviedrome films and for letting me know that I'm not the only nutter who remembers Alex Cox. Lynne just sent me a package of bumf on the BBFC which looks pretty interesting - lots to comment on I'm sure, especially the 1916 'grounds for deletion, which included "indecorus dancing...references to controversial politics" and "scenes holding up the King's uniform to contempt or ridicule". Good stuff. Metropolis was stunning - the animation was beautiful, a kind of hybrid of early Japanese comics like Astro Boy and the very European Tin Tin. The story was a nice update on the original but it was the music that stood out; some really beautiful early jazz pieces that were used to great effect especially when a certain button was pressed. It's just come out on DVD and is probably worth a look. I'm meeting Phil for lunch later today, who should be congratulated as he just finished his novel - I get my grubby little mitts on it straight away which is exciting. How much of an update I get done later depends on if Frank turns up - we'll probably watch a couple of movies if he does but I�ll try and get something fresh up anyway. The other thing that has kept me busy is a new story about a blind dog that is going really well. It�s been a while since I was on a roll with the fiction so it�s a good feeling to get it going again. I just noticed that the Ottakar's website has one of my old reviews up on the Clapham homepage - that was a nice gesture - makes me feel like I never left. You should check out the other reviews too - those guys know their stuff. Speaking of bookstores - I got a call from Borders on Oxford St last week so I'm going in for a chat on Thursday. I was talking to Mark last week about how I miss working in a bookstore so it was odd to get the call the same evening. Not sure if anything will come of it yet but I've been thinking of getting a bookselling gig in Amsterdam next year and then aim for City Lights in San Francisco when we land there. The Fugazi dates have finally been rescheduled - Sunday 3rd November is the new date - I have eight tickets from the first dates that are still valid so drop me a line if you are interested. Mike is blogging to: Troublegum by Therapy?

"GEE, I WISH WE HAD ONE OF THEM DOOMSDAY MACHINES" Ok - fair enough - It's now been pointed out to me that its not only other countries that the US drops its bombs on. Mike is blogging to more Herrmann

"YOU'VE GOT A RIGHT TO BE STUPID. DON'T ABUSE THE PRIVILEGE" Just got back in from watching Nine Queens - pretty damn good but I still think the best scam movie has got to be House of Cards. Tomorrow we are off to see the manga Metropolis which is double-billed with Blade Runner - going to give that one a miss though as I've seen it perhaps one too many times - blasphemy? not really - I was talking about this with Bruce earlier in the week and we both think that the original cut is simply much better than the bastardised director's cut that has replaced it as the standard. I have both copies and have watched them back to back on more than one occasion and the film really loses out not having Harrison Ford's voice over. As a kind of follow up to the citizen spies thing I mentioned a while back and the official website have a look at this article here: this concerned citizen is just the kind of guy who would be signing up to spy on his fellow neighbour but the real scary thing is (as if it weren't scary enough having people freely signing up to a police state) why would he just stop at a phone call to show his patriotism when he has access to automatic weapons? I discussed the American military's overeaction a few weeks ago - remember when they carpetbombed that wedding in Afghanistan because some guests had fired rifles in the air... yet back on American soil we have some nut with a machine gun intentionally trying to shoot down aircraft and he gets to defend himself by saying he was justified after the events of September 11th - that is so fucked up. He's just the kind of guy that insists 'guns don't kill people, people kill people' well maybe someone should have pointed out that even post 9-11 aircraft don't necessarily kill people either. Fuck - we've got a lot of really dumb morons living in the UK but thank fuck they don't have the 'god given right' to bare arms... every argument over 'Big Brother' would end in a massacre... Mike is blogging to: The Day the Earth Stood Still soundtrack by Bernard Herrmann

"SABRINA, DON'T JUST STARE AT IT - EAT IT" Ok brace yourselves, I am about to praise America... Thay have better serial killers than we do. Don't worry - I'm not a big fan of serial killers, I don't subscribe to any glossy 'true crime' periodicals and overall I don't give a shit about the few people who make it their business killing a lot more people but when it comes to serial offing you'be got to admit that the Yanks have us beaten hands down. Look at Manson, Ed Gein, Ted Bundy and then take a look at, oh I don't know, Harold Shipman. A mousy man looking about as threatening as a comfy arm-chair with his badger like beard and slow Nothern practice... yep he killed 215 (maybe 250) but all old people and in their own homes at that - nobody batted an eyelid until he started to rip off the odd will here and there and he'd probably be still getting away with it now with his slow but steady approach. How boring. I watched some of the reports tonight on the news and they all featured footage of these sleepy Yorkshire towns and all featured old people shuffling around market stalls in their carpet slippers - its as if Shipman had never been there - Yorkshire is full of elderly old dears, Shipman could have killed 1215 (maybe 1250) and no one would have really noticed the difference. Look at Ed Gein - he used to make masks and lampshades out of his victims where as Shipman probably stole the odd Old Werthers Original sweet from the table of his latest already cooling sagging bag of bones but that was as far as his panache went. Ed Gein inspired Psycho and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre for fucks sake where as the best Shipman could do was a dull courtroon drama with ex-likely lad James Bolam. Can we do better? Lets hope that the next serial killer who comes to light is found fornicating with the corpses of his victims, jabbering in his own filth and in the process of building Anthrax bombs to send to children's hospitals - we need a killer who can get the bigwigs in Hollywood interested so that we can get Tarantino on the next flight over - fuck, if Shipman had had a little more style and ambition maybe FilmFour wouldn't have had to fold. Mike is blogging to: Raw Power by Iggy and the Stooges

"EVEN THOUGH I CAN'T FEEL IT I KNOW I GET ERECTIONS IN HER PRESENCE" Check out this guy's blog - he claims to be Christopher Walken which is funny - his Walken immitation is funnier but the funniest thing is the dumb idiots who believe him. Mike is blogging to: Black Flag - Family Man

"AM I FAST OR IS SWEDEN JUST A SMALL PLACE?" We just played evil mindgames on Frank after watching The Usual Suspects: We made him sit through a whole episode of 'Big Brother' - to be fair to my Aussie friend he managed to sit though about 25 minutes before snapping and throwing blunt objects at the tv and sharp objects at me. The flip side of this is that now he thinks Jess and I are "fucking morons" and won't believe a word we say. I suggested we watch the kick arse Sam Raimi western The Quick and the Dead which Frank hasn't seen and I just know that he would fucking love it but he took one look at the case saw Sharon Stone and pronounced me a "fucking nutcase" believing that I was trying to trick him into watching the movie equivalent of 'Big Brother'. Damn - so now we are watching Chris Walken as a killer angel in The Prophecy but I had to post this pic because I know Frank will kick himself and demand to watch that "dumb arse Sharon Stone movie" as soon as he sees it: Mike is blogging to the sound of angels fighting low budget style

"HE COULD DIE IN 24 HOURS - OPEN THE HATCH" So on July 27th I'll be blogging for 24 hours straight - I'll try and make it a little more interesting than just me saying "I'm still awake" or "Damn, I'm tired" - feel free to sponsor me with the link on the right. Any cash I raise will go straight to these guys. Mike is blogging to: Nick Cave - Murder Ballads

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT BUTTLE'S HEART CONDITION DIDN'T APPEAR ON TUTTLE'S FILE!" This is the plan so far: September 2002 - sell the house and move somewhere smaller and more central to London - probably Battersea September 2003 - move to Amsterdam for six months - it�s the only place to be if you're a non-smoking, drug free vegan involved in a secure and steady relationship. March 2004 - move to San Francisco for one year. After that we'll wing it. Whenever I tell anyone in London that we are going to be moving to the States they give me this funny look and usually ask why. It�s a valid question especially since I'm always banging on about what a fucked up place it is. Those of you that pay attention though will notice that I give London and the morons who live here a hard time too. Yes America is a mess of a country but I still want to experience more of it than just a few weeks holiday - plus I know all too well that all Americans are not the same... I hate that jingoistic slant that most Londoners have when talking about the States - most Americans didn't even vote George W in so they've probably got the moral high ground on all the dumb fucks over here who voted in his lapdog. The only reason that I bring this up is because I'm about to kick off about America yet again - read the following articles: citizen spies and the official website I was worried for a while that America was just going to revel in its new found McCarthyism but it seems that the powers that be would rather go a few goose-steps further and just implement the same kind of systems that the Nazis and East Germany found so successful. Of course its real easy to once again fall into the argument that if you're innocent you've got nothing to worry about - really depends on your definition of 'innocent'. There's me thinking our own dumb idea of ID cards was pretty fucked up but now you can get any 'patriot' ringing in information on any poor bastard who cuts him off on the interstate, refuses to wave a flag or has a beard and an accent. Don't start telling me that there will be safety measures in check to regulate the informers and those that are informed on - the whole thing stinks and is open to the worse kind of abuse. Plus you've got to key in the intelligence of the average 'patriot'. Compare it with the outraged mobs over here who would attack paediatricians in the mistaken belief that such a long and unpronounceable word actually had something to do with paedophiles. I still want to move to San Francisco and maybe later spend some extended time in New York but the longer this knee jerk 1984 meets Brazil thinking goes on for the easier it becomes for America and its inhabitants to become the targets of not terrorism but simple disbelief and scorn. The real scary thing is that the UK will probably follow them down every step of the way... Maybe spending more time in a more civilised European country is starting to become a better option. On a lighter note I'm glad to see that the message board is being used more frequently - even if only to comment on the size of Stu's johnson. I also just entered The Guardian's Best British Blog competition so if nothing else that should help me keep up to date content wise. I also just added a quick review of Iain Banks' new novel. I'll drag some more of the oldsite into the new design later today and hopefully add something new to the comic. Mike is blogging to: the weird and wonderful Wicker Man soundtrack

"THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN A DRAGON: AMERICANS" ER - still the best thing on tv. Most of the website should be clickable now but there's still a lot of stuff from the old version that I need to update and bring across - its a slow process because I'm also working on new stuff and trying to watch a heap of movies at the same time. Frank just added to my woes by bringing over Yojimbo so i guess I'm up late again tonight. I read today about this poor cow - fuck but that's harsh - I used to think it was fucked up for the kid who died at a Guns N Roses concert I was at back in 1988 (I admit some damaging stuff on this blog huh?) but to die for Fat Boy Slim? That's just fucking horrible... I think the guy should stop playing muisc now that he's started killing nurses and maybe Moby should join him in isolation. For another wasted life or two check this out - nothing sorrier than a modern vampire having read one too many Anne Rice novels... but in fucking Anglesey? I thought all these sad bastards were American... only a matter of time before someone pulls out his CD collection and starts blaming the music - in which case lets hope he's a Fat Boy Slim fan. This will show you what a bleeding heart vegan guy I am - read this - out of all the stories that annoyed me today - GM crops found in humans, the usual middle east nastiness, dead kids, politicians talking bollocks etc - this is the one that has me in Hulk mode - I really don't understand how people get a kick out of this kind of sick shit... and what I really fail to grasp is how come in a country where the state will kill retarded teenagers and shrug its shoulders every time some maniac picks up a gun and starts shooting not one single person can wait outside the Missouri jail in which Charles C. Benoit is currently kicking his heels and smack the fuck out of his head with a baseball bat on his release. I'd love to meet that guy... Mike is blogging to: John Zorn covering Ennio Morricone and its pretty fucked up

"FUCK JAY AND SILENT BOB. FUCK THEM UP THEIR STUPID ASSES" I like the internet. It's funny - a while back I found this interesting site and emailed the guy responsible telling him to keep up the good work. As it turns out he was thinking of folding the site but my email along with a few others convinced him otherwise and a good thing too. I'm now mates with Doc and his site and blog are ones I read all the time. Yesterday I was thinking of getting rid of my guestbook as no-one really bothers with it - people tend to want to send me email or just use the feedback form. Now I've decided to keep it because it makes a great forum for people to post their anonymous criticism. After Magnolia Fan's post and my own tepid response I am now hoping that more people will be encouraged to use the guestbook as it was intended: to give me some shit. I'm a big boy and can take the criticism - plus it makes my ranting page easier to fill - so don't be shy - check out the guestbook right now and tell everyone what a cunt I am for using the word nigger yesterday - Brian, if you're reading this, go out and watch Pulp Fiction again before bitching to me you dumb little fuck. Also a big thanks to the w32. virus that tried to attack me yesterday... I'm not evil I'm just misunderstood. I just finished Dead Air and it was most enjoyable - I'll post a review in the next couple of days. Got to get back to finishing the rest of the site... Mike is blogging to: The Straight Story soundtrack

"WELL THE THING ON MY MIND RIGHT NOW ISN'T THE GOOD COFFEE IN MY CUP - IT'S THE DEAD NIGGER IN MY GARAGE" This is why I quit drinking real coffee... I got up at 2.30am - fuck. I think sometime later today my body may let me know just how it feels about the whole one and a half hours sleep a night deal... Ahh well, fuck it! - I'm up now so I may as well catch up with that email moutain and then I can crack on with the site and pass out sometime around noon. Mike is blogging to: birds, foxes and all the other noisy wildlife that London shouldn't have

"MAN, IF MY FUCKIN' EX-WIFE ASKED ME TO TAKE CARE OF HER FUCKIN' DOG WHILE SHE AND HER BOYFRIEND WENT TO HONOLULU I'D TELL HER TO GO FUCK HERSELF" Bloody long day but kind of fun... Got to the cinema at 11am and got away at about 10.30pm. Most of that was spent reading or watching bits of Rushmore, Tenenbaums, Spider-man, Minority Report and Scooby Doo. I kind of feel like I just watched one really long disjointed film in which a misfit gets kicked out of his private school, gets bitten by a radioactive spider just at the moment that his father feigns a terminal illness in order to escape from being hunted down for a crime that he hasn't even committed yet - oh and he has a talking dog. I've been hyper all day too because the only vegan thing I can partake in at the cinema is very strong black coffee - I've had about eight cups and I'm totally wired... it didn't help that the Italian guy I was working with was a big Kafka fan so all our conversations had this Absurdist twist to them. I briefly saw Tash today and caught up with her which was cool. I also gave Jess a few digs about her meeting up with an ex-boyfriend which was not very cool at all - by that I mean my stoopid behaviour - especially since Jess has previously bent over backwards to accommodate my ex-girlfriend (getting kicked in the teeth on both occasions)... damn - sometimes I know I'm acting like a complete arse but do it anyway because my dumb male gene kicks in... dumb fuck that I am. Was that an apology? Sorry Jess. No real plans for tomorrow - lie in, goof around, finish updating the site and then catch up with Duncan after his wild stag weekend in Manchester. I forgot to mention that Duncan's brother Bruce and his girlfriend Kate (who I used to work with) were here the other weekend. I just wanted to say a quick hello to them because they are pretty damn cool and I know Bruce keeps tabs on the site in between brainwashing the yooth and wearing anti-panda t-shirts. I wanna try and get some people over in the next week or so for a couple of movies and drinks etc... any suggestions for a good double bill? No fucking Police Academy videos though... I'm reading the new Iain Banks novel at the moment, 'Dead Air' - its only out in September but I'll probably mention it again once I've finished it because it's probably the best thing he's written since 'The Wasp Factory'. In fact I�m gonna piss off and read another few chapters right now. Mike is blogging to: Lovage: Music To Make Love To Your Old Lady By

"DAMMIT! THAT'S THE LAST TIME YOU STAB ME!" It's too early to be up on a Sunday but I'm watching The Seven Samurai so the pain is bareable. Saying that I'm always a little annoyed when I watch it because the BFI DVD that I have states that at 190 minutes this is the most complete version of the film available... well that's not quite true - the original Japanese version ran at 203 minutes which is available on VHS in the States and on the current Criterion DVD - an older Criterion disc that has now been deleted actually contained a 207 minute version and that's the fucker that I'm after. You would think that the BFI would be able to match any American release but the sad thing is if you want the best DVD you need to go straight to Criterion - their cuts of Rushmore, Brazil and Time Bandits are probably the best DVDs I own... Check out the version of The Royal Tenenbaums that they just released and will be winging it's way to my grubby little hands very soon - guess what the UK release (only out in December!) has on it? Fuck all... fucking bacward island that we live on. It's too early for such moaning... I'll only be home quite late so I doubt much will change with the site until tomorrow. I will try and get the email answered this evening when I get back - sorry it's taken so long... Mike is blogging to Fumio Hayasaka

"LET JESUS FUCK YOU, LET JESUS FUCK YOU! LET HIM FUCK YOU!" Sunday already... fuck. Well as you can see things have changed with the site - not everything's up yet and some stuff has been cut off on the old site (photos and stuff) but by Monday evening this should all be finished. Wanna see how I really felt yesterday? Thankfully I'm a lot better but not really looking forward to the double shift I've got tomorrow... Could be worse - at least I'm not a priest. Mike is blogging to: The Big Lebowski soundtrack

"NEW AND IMPROVED JOKER PRODUCTS! WITH A NEW SECRET INGREDIENT: SMYLEX" Well it seems that Blogger has brought the timetable forward a little. My old template is now deemed illegal after they changed some of the code on the service so I'd have to tweak the site anyway... So I decided to put up the new blog look now. You'll have to ignore most of the links to the right for now but you can still access the feedback page and guestbook. For today and tomorrow its going to be easier to just go back to the old main page and navigate from there. At least this gives you time to give me some feedback on the new look... Mike is blogging to: Bivouac by Jawbreaker

"I DON'T LIKE NORMAL MEN, THEY ALWAYS LET YOU DOWN. THE SICK ONES DON'T SCARE ME, AT LEAST THEY'RE COMMITTED" So how ill was I yesterday? I feel a lot better today though - thanks for asking. I was feeling a little rough on Thursday when Richard and Frank came over, sneezing my arse off all the way through the DVD we were watching... sorry guys. Anyway I couldn't sleep so I just stayed up all night - big mistake. Yesterday I was just sleepwalking, retching and feeling like I used to after a big night out. I am so glad I don't drink anymore but then again half a pint of vodka on Thursday night may have put me out of my misery for a few hours. So I stayed up and watched the sunrise while working on a new version of the website - just putting together some new ideas to try and tie up all the messy loose ends that the current version has. I think I've got something usuable now so probably on monday I'll put up the new version. It'll change the way the place looks quite radically and also make the blog the focus and first point of call as it seems most people head this way first and then only check out the rest of the site if I note here that something new has been added. I'm going to take it easy today seeing as I'm working most of the day tomorrow. I'm drowning in hot blackcurrant... Mike is blogging to: Bivouac by Jawbreaker

"PURE MOTORISED INSTINCT" Blogger wouldn�t let me publish yesterday but this is what I had to say: �Been a while hasn't it... I've had more than one email asking me where the fuck I've been. And text messages. And phone-calls... err sorry :) Nice to feel wanted though. Truth is that I've hardly had the p.c. turned on this week. Had a lot of 'real world' crap to catch up with and wanted to get some creative stuff done that didn't revolve around the internet. Anyway. I'm back in circulation now and slowly getting through all my emails and text messages. Today was a little rushed - we'd just finished watching Henry Rollins rant about the state of British train services when we set off on our own small journey into London which took twice as long as it should have meaning we rushed around like idiots trying to get to the Prince Charles in time for the Resident Evil movie. The movie was ok. The director, Paul Anderson, still knows how to fuck up a film. It was originally going to be directed by George Romero but after reading his treatment of the script the producers pulled out worried the movie wouldn't be commercially viable because of all the gore and general nastiness that Romero wanted to create. So out goes Romero and in comes the anaemic Anderson - the result is a crowd pleasing dumb movie with some interesting set pieces and a nice look but lousy acting, lousy plotting and mediocre direction. The one good scene has Michelle Rodriguez dripping the blood from her wounded hand down into the open mouths of hungry corpses but the rest of the film was pretty dumb. Shame. I'm watching Roy Scheider run around later seventies New York in Last Embrace as I write this. I won't bother listing the other flicks I've seen this week (Minority Report I'll mention elsewhere) or the number of hours I've wasted on the Playstation II. Saw Stu yesterday, Frank today and Richard is coming over tomorrow. Turns out that Tasha is coming to the cinema to see the cool double-bill of Rushmore & The Royal Tenenbaums that we've got on so I'll catch up with her between movies as I�m working there for most of the day. I'll try and swing by the bookstore on Saturday and see who else is around. Fuck - Blogger just informed me that "publishing is temporarily unavailable' - which means I'll have to post this tomorrow...� As for today... I just added a heap of links to the site � lots of weird sexual stuff and a naked spider-man. Have fun. Speaking of Spider-Man I just poached this camp little guy from Doc's blog: I�m just waiting for Richard to turn up � he�s running late � and then we can cook. I�m feeling pretty crappy today � can�t decide if I�m full of hay fever or coming down with the flu � anyway I feel like crap. I did however get a lot of writing done today and started getting through my email backlog so it hasn�t been a wasted day. We�ll probably watch some Rollins and just talk bollocks all night as Jess and I haven�t seen Richard since before we went to Greece/Amsterdam... which reminds me � I never did get around to putting up the holiday journal and photos did I? I�ll work on that tomorrow... My other project for tomorrow is to try and get some comicbook stuff up on line and finish the writing I�m working on. I also want to try and get some ideas down as to how I�m going to use the website from now on � its a big unorganised mess at the moment so I want to tidy it up and maybe get some more people involved in the content... I�ll keep you posted but suggestions are welcome. Gotta go empty my head of flu/hay fever build-up... ps. Frank just phoned to let off some steam so I just invited him over too which means we will be up all night... Mike is blogging to: Ace Frehley�s solo album and is glad to be back in his New York groove

"ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE" It's been a slow couple of days... I got the dates confused about Res Evil - its this Wednesday and not yesterday. Luckily the guy selling the tickets pointed that out to me on Tuesday and so saved me a wasted trip. I'm up late tonight because I'm trying to get some writing done. I've been trying on and off through the day but it seems I can only get a solid stint done when everyone else is asleep. Thank fuck I don't have to get up for work anymore. Main pain today was my printer refusing to work and jinxing my contribution to the mailart project which is all finished but now 'stuck' on my hard-drive. I may see this bit of adversity as a challenge to my creativity and attempt to get the story in the book in some old fashioned pen & paper type way but I've a feeling that the result will be ok context wise but resemble some primary school effort in its presentation... I've also started a short story that I want to put up on here if I finish it this week and a series of comic strips. I just added a review of Dead or Alive here so you can see what all the fuss is about. As Frank said after watching it: "You are into some pretty fucked up shit..." but he also said "That guy's hair is awesome - it's like he has a full loaf of bread hidden under there..." Australians... he's still reeling from finding out I used to watch The Paul Hogan Show and Aussie Rules Football... Jess landed herself an internship - she finds out more on Saturday but it all sounds pretty sweet. It's nice to have an intelligent girlfriend. My next shift at the cinema is Sunday - I've had a few emails pointing out that some people think that working in a cinema is somehow 'beneath me' and that I should be 'aiming higher'. Fuck that. I'm working in a cinema because its fun not because its part of my projected five year plan for career success... sheesh, its nice people are concerned but haven't you guys noticed yet that I just do what the fuck I want to do and when I want to do it? Email Stu if you think I was any happier working with a large company in an office environment... On the writing side of things I've been sending out emails left, right and centre in an attempt to find some more freelance work. As soon as I get something interesting I'll let you know... So tomorrow I'll carry on with my section of the mailart and then post it on along with all the other bits and pieces I have on the go. I'll probably take Jess out to see Minority report too as we've both been getting a little stir crazy. Did I mention that Duncan has been really ill? He had the doctor out the other night but he seems almost back on his feet again now. Luckily he had the beautiful Anu at his bedside so I didn't have to sponge his feverish extremities. Anu is now back in Helsinki but it was fun to have her here for a few days even if she was in nurse mode. I'll play catch-up with my emails tomorrow as I'm starting to yawn. Happy belated 4th of July to all my American friends - only one gunman in the airport and only one small plane crash so all in all a pretty good day for the yanks... I just read that at least 3,767 civilians were killed by American bombs between October 7th and December 10th last year in Afghanistan. I guess its harder to kill innocent Afghans than Americans because they refuse to congregate in large numbers in very tall buildings which means the US military has only been averaging around 62 murders per day. They are gonna have to do better than that if they want to win their 'War on terror'. You can tell its late - I'm getting grumpy and political... feel free to email me and call me names. Mike is blogging to: not a single thing.

"HEY HO LETS GO" "Dragons can be battled with swords, bowie knives, khukiries, guns, bolo nets, and bombs, but the most important weapon of any dragon-slayer is his intellect and flame retardant gel." I just got that emailed to me from the Reign of Fire guys. As soon as I figure out what the fuck khukiries are I'm going dragon hunting. Mike is blogging to: The Brotherhood of the Wolf soundtrack

"YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO WORK FOR YOUR MEAL" Working at a cinema is pretty sweet. All the people seem cool and the job is a doddle. Nice to see how a place like the Picture House works - like most people I only ever see the place when its packed and people are waiting to go in and see a film - its kind of eerie in between showings... plus I got to be geeky and check out the projection room etc... So for the time being that�s it but I�m doing a double shift next Sunday... easing myself back into the workplace real slow. Thanks for the couple of emails and feedback forms congratulating me on being some kind of uberpoet... sarcastic bunch of bastards. And no I won't put any dumb poetry up on the site - it�s a slippery slope from that kind of thing to pictures of my cat... The mailart project launched today! I picked up a book and now I've gotta get something in it before passing it on to the next person in the list. I still have to sort out the American side of things but at least the thing is in motion now. On Wednesday @ 6.30 up at the Prince Charles there's a showing of Resident Evil with a Q&A with the producer - should be fun - if anyone wants to join me for zombies and undead dobermans drop me a line. They are due to start shooting Res Evil II: Nemesis this summer - that should get Stu all excited. The Prince Charles is also showing a movie called Tesis in a couple of weeks - no info on it but I think its a pretty good snuff-inspired thriller from a couple of years ago - kind of like 8mm but better. I'll get some more details but it should be worth a look. Oh, and before I forget Dog Soldiers is now showing on Saturday also at The Prince Charles so if you haven't seen it yet I think this is the only place that still has it in London. The Donnas are playing in the next month or so too so we'll go along to that. The gig they played in San Francisco was a lot of fun - the armed police just made it more so. Still no new news on Fugazi though. Doc just moved house - hope that all went ok and there's less chance of knife-attacks in the new area. This is the first time in a couple of days I haven't watched any crap movies... cool. Mike is blogging to: Dig Me Out by Sleater-Kinney