THE PILL He is surrounded by darkness. He is tall and pale, his clothes are dirty and torn. He throws something and there is the sound of breaking glass. Before the sound there was nothing but now there is a fire. He built the house himself five years ago. Each timber that awaits the flame had once been carried there by his hand. In hidden places are carved their initials but the fire will find them out and then hide them forever. The only other glow comes from the sky. Vaster than the darkness below and scattered with stars, some of them man made some of them not. His family are not going to burn. They are buried behind the now shivering house, cold and deep yet warm in the earth that isn't Earth. He stands awhile longer, sure that the house will take and then walks away with it's new warmth at his back. It takes him days to walk into town but people know him there and by the time he has left it he is fully clothed and sick of the sound of his own voice. The last place he called was the bank where he was greeted by a portly man, much practiced in shaking his head and wringing his hands. When he leaves the box in his name is empty and his pocket is full, the holster at his hip holds a gun not fired in years. It doesn't feel uncomfortable. As he leaves a small congregation has gathered at the edge of town but whatever they had planned to say dies when they see the gun. Something, at last, to be thankful for. Two days later he is at the port. He finds the ship he needs and after several reassurances and a tiresome amount of paperwork his passage is secured. He has one night to kill before this place is behind him. It's not so bad. He has been here since '42. That year he was riding with a company of filibusters and the port was a wet patch in the dirt � not the township it is now. The streets and buildings that line them were exactly what he came here to stop but that idea ended five days ride to the south. He and another were surprised to find themselves alive after their company were left to stain the sand and rocks and bleach dried bones for miles around. Both having different ideas about the best direction out of there they shook bloody hands and walked away from one another. As it happened he had been wrong and was walking further into nothing when he heard the screams of his friend. When night fell so did he. He awoke in the cave of an eremite just in time to catch the blunt blade in his hand and throw the bundle of rags and religion to the floor. They stayed awake until sunlight both wary lest they be eaten by the other. At midday the niece of the old man came with a bundle of bread and books and found them at each other's throats fighting over a figment. The eremite had something on his side and fever took him as the girl approached all white and good into the shadows. A year later they were wed. The following summer she was large with his second son and another band of men arrived in port. They took him in as one of them and he killed them to a man. After that they moved south until the water broke and settled in a new place. His reputation followed like a beaten dog. With no law as such out here he was looked on to settle things and he settled them well. His guns were seldom seen and never heard. History. The bar was at the very edge of things. Part wooden stand-to part canvas and rock. There were horses outside and noise within that stirred them occasionally, ears moving, their hooves scratching the dust. He ordered a drink and hoped the three men studying him from the chipped and worn table in the corner would leave him be. As it was he was surprised when a boy of perhaps sixteen stumbled into the place and was the first to speak to him. You're going off planet. The boy was bootless and looked like a good meal would probably end him. Not just me. You're the only one taking the pill. You're aiming to travel some. The drink was his first in a while. This is your business how? I need to get on that ship and I can't afford to. But you think you can afford to talk to me? Some other feller would have cracked your skull before now. You're my last chance. If you don't take me then you're killing me anyway. The barkeep refilled his glass. You want him outside? A shake of the head. Leave the bottle. The men at the table settle down to drinking, their hopes of trouble quashed and they think instead of the women below. So what's so important to drag you away from all this? There's a girl. There's always a girl. She's been taken into service on board your ship. You know what that means. It means there's no other girls? Not for me. So how does coming with me help your situation. You think she'll be around to see you when we get where we're going? I don't want to go anywhere. I just want to travel with her. The whisky burned his throat but something else caught there. He remembered a face first seen through a haze of pain and confusion and for a second he saw his name on her lips. So you travel as my valet? Is that the plan? The plan is whatever you say it is. My name's Pete. He looks at the boy and he knows what she would have him do. I don't need your name, your hand will do. The next morning they took their place on the ramp and he explained the new arrangement to the captain. As his prized passenger it didn't take much persuading and they were soon within the metal confines of the rocket ship. The walls vibrated slightly as they moved past them � the sound of the driveships coming and going above them. No one really used rockets anymore. Too slow and cumbersome for anyone but enthusiasts and those who worked them and even then it was rare for anyone to last a long haul. The pill helped pick up the occasional passenger but it was mostly freight now and had been for centuries. Not many had an excuse good enough to take the pill and all it entsiled. Is that her? The boy's face had lit up from a worried shadow to a lopsided smile. The girl was maybe his age, maybe not. She was being given orders by a matronly woman in a dark blue uniform. Being sold into service did not seem to be suiting her just now but there were worse lives that she had left behind. He was surprised she had reached her teens without something worse finding her. Then he thought of the scars the boy had shown him the night previous as they drank under the stars. Perhaps he had been her salvation and those marks were hers too. That's her. Wait here. He walked over and introduced himself to the woman and within a minute he is following her plump shape away from the girl. The woman turns at the sound of a girlish shriek behind them but he shakes his head and urges her on. It may be the first time he has ever smiled. An hour later and he is ready. The boy stands in front of him once more and they shake hands. Are you sure this is how you want to travel? There's still time. He lets go of the boy's hand and shakes his head. No, I ran out of that a while back. Up until now this has been time owed. The doctor arrives and leaves a small blue and white capsule and assures him that he will return once they are in flight to ensure it has done it's work. The boy looks at the pill and asks the question. There's some men I would kill. This is the only way I can keep a promise. And with that he swallows and the boy walks away. The pill is guaranteed to have no side effect save one. A complete and total lack of dream. Many see this as a godsend while other's think of it as a flaw but he is just happy that he won't see her. He awakes and little has changed except the doctor. There are tests and needles and his muscles take longer to wake � this is the payoff for the pill. He is annoyed that he has become something of a celebrity among the crew as the only passenger this trip but once outside they are too busy to stare or ask questions and he takes his time taking in the air and looking at the new sky. A hand on his shoulder and he turns and looks into the eyes of the boy. But this is not Pete. The hair is the same but the jaw-line is different and this boy is shorter and stockier, maybe three years younger. The boy points and he sees a family unloading their belongings from the side of the ship. He had heard it was not unusual for these boats to change ownership enroute and to lose their names in the process but above the open hatch he sees the same name in twelve foot high letters � CORMAC � and for some reason he is happy. This boy's father turns and sees him. An older version of Pete but still something at odds with the memory he holds. You know who I am? I think so. You look like him. Your father? Grandfather. It was a long trip. The longest. I'm glad he did well. I used to sit on his knee as a child and he would tell me that one day we'd meet and have this conversation. You gave him us. You gave him a family. There was nothing to say. He said that you took the pill to keep a promise? He sighs. There were men, long dead now. I couldn't break that promise if I tried. Whatever they did to you, that memory is still fresh. A raw wound that time would have eased. Was it worth it? He thinks back to a time to him just weeks ago but in actuality lifetimes back and he sees her again wrapping the guns and placing them in the box. He remembers her smile as they set off into the sunshine. The promise he had just made seemed like an easy one. There was a house to paint and later� He pulls the hat from his head and looks over the man's shoulder to the east. The evening redness was behind him and the horizon seemed close enough to trace. It was worth it. Mike is blogging to: Mr Cash