"YOU PEOPLE ARE ALL ALIKE. YOU MARCH IN HERE, TRY AND TOUCH THE LOCAL THINGS, I SUPPOSE NEXT YOU�LL BE SPRAYING ME WITH ONE OF THOSE CANS OF PAINT. SMEARING POOR TUBBS HERE WITH EXCREMENT� Yesterday I was in a good mood but today I�m pissed off. I took a couple of hours off work to attend the Stop the War march yesterday and apart from the start being something of a shambles the whole thing was a success. The start was a little chaotic because (despite some of the reports in the press today) more people than expected turned up to march. This meant that the Embankment tube station was closed forcing people to get off the trains early and walk towards the beginning of the march. If Embankment had remained open then people could have joined the protestors in a more orderly fashion from the rear rather than having to meet the procession head on and squeeze around the side. This bottleneck took a little time to clear. The police seemed to find this situation amusing and only had one officer with a loudspeaker trying to organise the crowd. So the march started a little later than planned and with a few stops and starts but throughout the atmosphere was fun and friendly despite how angry a lot of the people there were. I read this article in today�s Observer on page three. The front page was given over to Blair�s response to more weighty issues such as �public service reform� and a photograph of ex-Prime Minister John Major and his alleged lover Edwina Currie. Oh and an article about a nasal spray that has been developed to arouse women. When you finally get through the chaff and read about the demo you get the usual arguments about numbers. The police finally raised their initial �count� of 40,000 to 150,00 while the event�s organisers raised it to around the 400,000 mark. The arguments about the turn out will probably run for a while but whatever way you look at it a lot of people were pissed off enough to march. What really annoyed me was this article printed right along side in The Observer. Written by the Editor of Country Life it�s hardly a well rounded and independent piece of journalism but more annoying than that its mostly utter bollocks. In his piece Clive Aslet begins by gleefully pointing out that less people turned out for this march than the one held previously by the bloodthirsty mob of country dwellers � you know, the people who are campaigning for their continued right to kill and maim anything that moves in the name of �tradition�. He points out that he had his son with him on the previous rally but not on this one. Obviously his twisted sense of priorities makes it more important for his son to have the chance to kill anything with fur rather than free to grow up in a world not intent on blowing the shit out of itself. He claims to see no sign of marchers at noon and yet an hour or so later is packed into a �street filled with people, in a dense, whistle-blowing throng who backed up to Cleopatra's Needle�. He seems to believe this less of a �valid� march because many of those out on the streets had protested previously, unlike his fellow Countryside Alliance mob who he recognises had probably never taken to the streets before. I would suggest that there is a simple reason for this: while others were protesting against nuclear weapons, the closure of pits or the bombings of Yugoslavia and Afghanistan, his inbred friends were simply not that bothered. As long as they get to chase animals over fields and cheer as dogs tear them to bits in the confines of their own estates what does it matter what�s going on in the rest of the world. This is exactly what makes the Countryside Alliance a big joke and their march through London so pathetic. It�s only when they themselves are threatened that they get off their communal fat arses and try to do something about it. The people marching yesterday were not concerned with their own welfare or job security or rights to butcher animals. They were marching for peace and an end to the Imperialism of the USA, UK and Israel. Aslet sniggers that yesterday�s protesters ate from Pret A Manger and paid ridiculous London prices while his own kind had brought packed lunches to the Countryside march. In fact everyone I saw eating on the march yesterday (and they were few because so many people were busy chanting instead) were all eating from their own packed lunches or sharing home made cakes amongst strangers. Yes there was a distinct lack of leather waistcoats but then again I�d hazard a lot of the protesters yesterday were probably vegetarian and preferred to feed animals rather than hunt, kill and wear them. The funniest part of his article comes when he claims that people from the countryside �liked to know what they were eating�. CJD and foot and mouth sprang up in Trafalgar Square then did they? I don�t seem to recall us uncivilised city dwellers having to create animal fuelled bonfires a little while ago either. He goes on to point out that there were �less regional accents�. By this I�m guessing he means rural accents as I was in the midst of a throng of people from Birmingham, Liverpool, Scotland, Wales, well all over the country really and that�s without counting all the accents from around the world that were quite happy to sing out �Tony Blair! Terrorist!� But then again people like Mr Aslet probably steer clear from foreigners in case they try and blow something up. He also says that like in yesterdays crowd, marching for a number of diverse causes there were also �specialists causes� marching under the Countryside banner and he offers 'No more wind turbines in Wales' and 'Reinstate target pistol shooting now' as examples. If only people would pay attention to this kind of diversity then perhaps we could have more nuclear powerstations tucked away in the Welsh valleys rather than those unsightly windmills and think how more effective the next Dunblane style massacre will be if we let the nutters have their target shooting back. Yes there were a variety of causes being supported yesterday but the real difference was that rather than worrying on a short sighted, short-term local scale the people on yesterday�s march were more concerned with global matters. Aslet again: �There was a similar sense of community, but the community was different. A woman in a beret captured the mood with an olive branch, from which dangled a plastic dove of peace� I�m guessing the �other� community would rather have had a dead fox hanging from the mouth of a bloated country squire and thank fuck then that our communities are different. The irony is that there will always be marches for peace as there will always be a need for them thanks to the war hungry governments we keep foolishly electing. With a little luck and common sense we won�t require anymore �Countryside� marches simply because that barbaric way of life that so few hold so dear is finally coming to end. It amused me no end to read last week of one outraged country dweller warning that if fox hunting gets banned then "what next? Shooting and fishing?" Well yes, I sincerely hope so. Mike is blogging to: John Zorn

"PRESS 'L' MR BOND. THE WORD LOBBY BEGINS WITH 'L'" Had a good day at work today. Chatted to a couple of authors, discussed the wonder that is 'Sock Monkey' and managed to get some writing work done while I was at work - if that makes sense? I decided I was wasting too much time sitting around at work at lunch and on breaks so I've started to take my trusty Jordana in with me to make the days that tad more productive. Just got my review of 'Life of Pi' in for the next edition of Bookslut. Should also feature the Donna Tart review too which I discussed today with the Daily Telegraph. Seems my review may be the first to break the embargo (odd seeing as I wrote it last month and had the advance copy at least a month before that) but they were more interested in rumours of 'translated' versions of the book apearing on the internet. Not every day I get to speak to journalists as an 'expert'. I'm speaking to them again next week for a story they may be running on bookstores vs publishers. Kind of interesting. Not a lot else to report really. Got the majority of my emails off yesterday and now have a stack of replies to wade through. Will be updating later tonight with links and anything else that I find worthy online. Mike is blogging to: nothing

"IF WE WANTED TO SEE JAPANESE PEOPLE WE COULD JUST GO TOTHE ZOO" So it�s been another interesting couple of days. I finally read all my email and I�ll spend a chunk of tonight getting back to everyone. Yesterday I had the day off so I avoided the 24-hour tube strike quite nicely. I heard they�re planning another one next Wednesday, which is fine with me. One thing I�ve noticed is that no matter what crap the buskers are playing I�ve always got a really bad rock or metal tune going around in my head as I shuffle along with the rest of the mole people on my way to work. This morning it was Whitesnake � �Here I go again on my own, Going down the only road I�ve ever known, Like a drifter I was born to walk alone...� Why this shit is in my head I have no idea but it�s rather worrying. The only thing I remember about Whitesnake is that David Coverdale had a scary head of hair and that in one of the videos his wife�s breast popped out as she swung on the outside of a sports car. You don�t really get that with all this new fandangled White Stripes bollocks. So Frank left. I guess he�s finally back in Australia. On Monday night I was late back from work so I missed him leaving which sucked. With a little luck he�ll be back before the end of the year. Saturday and I�ll be joining the Stop the War march. It�ll be the first time since I was at University that I�ve been on a march � I used to do all the Anti-Nazi League ones which I felt were important. I should have joined one of the marches against the bombing in the former Yugoslavia seeing as I was opposed to that too but it�s easy to get complacent. I think that the US and UK will bomb the fuck out of Iraq no matter how many people march or what the UN has to say but fuck it, you�ve got to stand up and be counted every now and again. I got a couple of emails asking me about the great British earthquake. Sad to say that I slept through it. Not a single video was disturbed. I�m pissed off about the new Murakami cover. As anyone who knows me will testify I�m something of a fan of Haruki Murakami and as well as loving the writer I also came to love his UK publisher The Harvill Press. Alas, Harvill got sucked into the bloated body of Random House and are no more. I wondered how Random (who recently published Geri Halliwell�s new book and are about to unleash Dale Winton�s biography on the nation) were going to treat a rare talent like Murakami�s � I was more than worried partly because Harvill always recognised him to be something special and always made an effort to produce the best editions available. One of my favourite books is still the limited edition metal cased two volume edition of Norwegian Wood (signed to boot) � I also have the regular editions because the Harvill versions were always well done especially when compared to the American versions. Anyway, I had the misfortune of opening a box full of the new paperback version of Sputnik Sweetheart earlier this week. Here�s the old Harvill cover: Nicely understated and fits in well with the mood of the book. So what does Random House do? First off they stick Murakami on the dreadful Vintage imprint and some genius decides to stick a naked Japanese woman on the cover. Clever. Because you see, Haruki is Japanese and everyone likes naked women on the front of their books right? Fucking terrible. That sent me into a foul mood for most of the day. I cheered up when I saw that Life of Pi had made the short list for the booker though. Talk about beautiful covers: The whole thing is just too good for words. One of the best things I�ve read this year and I�ve read a lot of good stuff. I just polished off Crooked by Louisa Luna (whose Brave New Girl was a revelation) and thoroughly enjoyed it. I tried to read The Company by Robert Littell but it was turgid beyond belief � made me yearn for Clive Cussler who at least knows he�s writing crap and enjoys it. I almost started another Booker shortlisted title today but in the end gave in to �If Chins Could Kill � confessions of a B movie actor� by Bruce Campbell which is incredibly funny. Just to stay on the whole book related thread Jess found a site called Bookcrossing.com which is pretty interesting. The idea is that you take books from the shelf where they are gathering dust, tag them and release them into the wild by leaving them in public places. The idea is that the grateful person who finds the book reads the tag, logs onto the site and you can keep track of your books progress. It�s early days yet but I love the concept despite some of the shit that people seem to want to inflict on other people. If I decide to �release� any books soon I�ll make a note of them somewhere on the site. The new edition of Bookslut is due out in a few days and should carry my embargo breaking review of Donna Tartt�s The Little Friend. Jessa emailed today saying that someone from the Telegraph wanted to speak to me about it which is kind of interesting. More on that tomorrow. I�ve got to get back to the email. Mike is blogging to: a Leaf Label sampler

"SHUT YOUR RAGGEDY-ASS UP AND SIT THE FUCK DOWN" Ok, a load of links to get out of the way first: Most people I know already take a regular look at The Onion but this story tickled me because I saw it on Jess' birthday. This site has been getting a lot of hits lately - I guess it's good to be able to keep in touch: Taliban Reunited. And now thanks to this incredible piece of footage we know exactly who was behind the WTC attacks - Frank Sinatra. Speaking of planes I just found Grayblog's passport page - must dig mine out and add it to the gallery. On a more serious note yet another dead schoolkid has turned up, well, you know... dead. I for one am getting a little sick and tired of this but rather than just buy the Sun and Mail and scowl at people on the tube we can now do something constructive - something to help: form a mob. I suppose we should be thankful that our teenagers just go out and get killed. Over in the weird and wacky world of Japan they have teenagers who have actually have sex with one another: "Girls now share their boyfriends like they'd share chips. Everyone's hand is in the bag." It's always bad news isn't it? Check out this story in which it's reported that Holocaust survivors suffering from dementia due to old age are actually having to relive their time in the death camps. No one ever reports stories about ex-porn stars having flashbacks do they? Speaking of porn check out www.xxxhardcoreporn.tk - it's not quite what you think but it does have small animals. This isn't porn but somehow I feel that it should be: Christian Cowboys. Once again, only in America... Good interview with Chuck Palahniuk over at Nerve. Another stolen link from Jessa. And as usual we'll try and finish on a violent note: spank the hell out of Britney Spears here and then download the wonderful Stair Dismount Simulator in which you can push people down a flight of stairs in a variety of different ways. I like kicking out the ankles myself. Oh and if you're a fan of JG Ballard then you need to spend some time here. So I did my regular shift up at the cinema which went by pretty quickly. Worked with a new girl who was allergic to money. Every time I came back from a break she was holding a bank note at arms length as if it were filthy and contaminated. Which I guess it is. Odd. Oh and before I forget, if anyone has any old 'Justice League' collections from around ten years ago then get in touch. A friend of mine needs a selection of issues for a project he's doing. In particular one of The Flash taking his girlfriend to the cinema and having his 'speed' kick in at inopportune moments. Drop me a line if you have any old issues knocking around. Thanks. On a geeky note I now have the following T-shirt too: This along with a very cool 'Sock Monkey' shirt that Jess got me for my birthday. Splendid. Jess was watching Jackie Brown when i got home. Forgot how good that movie was. All excited again about Kill Bill now. Tomorrow I'm on a pretty regular shift but have to hightail it back here sharpish to see Frank off. I guess there's still hope he'll come to his senses and stay here for the girl... That would be awesome. Mike is blogging to: Iggy Pop - Pop Music

"I JUST WISH YOU WEREN'T SO GENEROUS WITH YOUR COCK" Someone emailed me and asked me why I didn�t have a wishlist anywhere on the site. To be honest the thought of having one never occurred to me. I�ve seen plenty of sites that have them but to be honest even with the sites I go back to I�ve never felt the need to donate money via paypal or click on an Amazon wishlist and buy someone a book. That�s not to say that I have never sent people stuff for free � in fact I do that quite a lot but it tends to be people I�ve got to know a little and I tend to see something and just think ahh � such and such would appreciate that so I grab it and post it off. I don�t think I�ll be adding a wishlist to sizemore anytime soon for a couple of reasons. 1. People can send me anything they like already (and occasionally do) � all my contact details are readily available here. 2. If there�s something I want so badly then rather than put it on a wishlist I�ll just go out and buy it or blag a free copy if its a book. If you want to really do something nice then pat a dog the next time you see one tied up outside a shop. Pat him/her on the head and say �That�s from Mike � good dog� then drop me an email to let me know. That�ll make me smile more than something from Amazon. So I had to record my Hammer movie. Got in from work just after midnight thanks to the trains from hell. Been up writing and catching up with various online people since then. Becca was here when I got back so I�ve been popping into her and Jess� conversation every now and then with comments like �fuck the countryside� between pulling together a long list of links to put up tomorrow. Tired now... Mike is blogging to: Black Sabbath � Never Say Die

"STAYING WITH YOU REQUIRES A DEGREE OF STUPIDITY OF WHICH I NO LONGER FEEL CAPABLE" Things here are slowly drawing to a close. We have finally decided which agents to sell the house through so with a little luck we will have the house on the market next week. We got rid of the battered car that died in the driveway sometime last year making the front of the place look a little more inviting and a little less Mad Max. The garden is now well under control again thanks to Nick and we can just concentrate on getting the innards of the house looking �presentable�. I am told that we�ll have an easier job getting rid of the place if we get rid of all the bookshelves and their contents � at the moment the place is more like a library than the warm inviting future home it�s supposed to be... I guess the people who want to move here with their 2.4 offspring are looking for conformity rather than a collection of oddball Euro horror flicks. The saddest change will be the loss of Frank. He departs for Australia on Monday. For a while there it looked like he may stay on for another month or so but after much soul searching he decided last night to use his ticket home. He knows I think that this is the wrong decision because he has something pretty special going on in Brighton at the moment but I think his mind is made up. Both Jess and I will be sorry to see him go but a little like the Hendersons we know that deep down Bigfoot belongs back in the wild. I only start work at 2.30 today. Gives me a whole morning to get stuff done but also means I�ll still be working at 11pm. Not a biggie really as I�m looking forward to watching Plague of the Zombies in the early hours � nothing like a slice of sixties Hammer horror to wake you up. I have some of the usual interesting links and stuff but I�ll put them up tomorrow. Next week I�m hoping to get some fresh content up on the rest of the site. My guestbook has calmed down a little but it�s confusing when girls from LosAngeles begin to ask how cool I am. Was she being ironic? Rhetorical? Does cool still mean cool in LA? Are we right back to where Fonzie left us? Maybe I just jumped a shark... It cannot be coincidence that my spellchecker wants to change �Fonzie� with �fondue�. I�m reading 'Life of Pi' by Yann Martel which is stunning. Young boy stranded in the middle of the ocean on a lifeboat with a Bengal Tiger named Richard Parker... Haven�t seen the Booker short list yet but this should make it. Brilliant. Gotta go get spruced for a day of books... Mike is blogging to: Mike Patton

"REMEMBER - SHORT CONTROLLED BURSTS" Odd day and rather a miserable one. Work was ok but I wasn't really in the best of moods. I had to threaten someone with actual physical violence this morning which kind of fucked up the rest of the day. Not my thing. No other news. Happier blog tomorrow perhaps. Mike is blogging to: nothing

"MOVE ALONG, NOTHING TO SEE HERE" I'm shattered. Pretty busy day, met up with Jess after work (I finished at 8 this evening), ate and then back home for some DVD action - having birthdays so close together means we have a small mountain of stuff to get through. I'm yawning as I type so I'm gonna quit this for now and pick it up in the morning before work. Mike is blogging to: nothing

"THE SPIRIT IS WILLING, BUT THE FLESH IS SPONGY AND BRUISED" Jess feinted and slammed her head into the bathroom door and floor early this morning. She's fine now but finding her slumped behind the door, unconscious and unresponsive was probably the scariest moment of my life. I've been in similar positions and I know what to do but it's always terrifying when it's someone you love. She now has a couple of red marks and a few bruises but is pretty much back to normal. I spent the day being 'nurse' which was pretty cool because it's usually her running around after me when I'm ill. Thank fuck she's ok. Spoke to my mum again for the first time last night (and again about 15 minutes ago) and she's doing ok considering what she went through. Sounds like for once her delusional nature actually helped the situation. After speaking to her though it became obvious that this very real incident has already begun to mould itself into part of the fabricated landscape that she usually inhabits. We spoke briefly about her moving which was a complete non-starter and then I spent around 2 hours listening to her and one of the neighbours. Sometimes the people around my mum actually make her seen sane. For a portion of the conversation I felt as if I was trapped in Royston Vasey: "Ehh what do you call them things policemen use to talk to one another? Not telephones. You know what I mean. The machines that they talk with each on. The special machines..." There's no fucking way I'm setting foot in that town in the near future... I've had lots of interesting and odd emails lately - I'll get to them later in the week but the best came from Kerry. She'll hate me for this but she has such a beautiful way of writing (and speaking) that it just seems fairer to cut and paste: "As I understand it, your feelings about the dead firefighters relate to the fact that you have great respect for life and are appalled by the fact that they didn't seem to have any respect for their own and that no one above them in the chain of command showed enough respect to stop the insanity for them. An understandable and entirely humanitarian point of view." Reads better than my own 'dumb bastards' line huh? "This doesn't relate in even the most tenuous way to feelings relating to your family that have taken you years to sort out and will no doubt continue to fuck with your head for many years to come... Don't play the 'I care about my special people' card either because you care and care deeply about people and the thought of people you have never met and are never likely to meet because you know that most people don't deserve to live lives of pain and that most people deserve some sort of chance- I know you would fight shoulder to shoulder with anyone to preserve that." The great thing about wonderful friends like Kerry is that they can give you the kicking you deserve or in this case a slap to the senses and you just want to hug them for it. I had a lot more to talk about tonight but I'm feeling pretty wasted. I'm looking forward to a 'normal' day tomorrow... Mike is blogging to: nothing (not even the cool Zappa disk that Frank got him for his birthday)

"..................." Brace yourselves for this one... Today/yesterday (16th) was my 30th birthday so that was fun. I tend not to make a big deal out of birthdays anyway but it wasn�t my intention to keep it a secret or anything it was just that a lot of other stuff came up to keep me offline. Anyway I'm back now, older, wiser and still offending even old friends - Sorry Kezza - sometimes I just run off at the mouth - so what's been happening... Well, I got ill again. Had to leave work early and had this really nasty fever - felt like death for quite a while but still have no idea if it was the same thing I had last week or something new. Anyway there was a lot of vomit... I know you want photos but like I said I'm older and more mature now. OK, let me get the nasty shit out of the way and then I can talk about Signs. Those of you that have been reading this for long enough or anyone who knows me well enough will notice that I don't mention my immediate family too much on here. There are a lot of reasons. With my dad it's mainly because he died when I was 15 but with my mum it's mainly because for the last ten years or so she's been sliding in and out of depression and schizophrenic episodes. She's not easy to be around and I made a decision a while ago that there wasn't a lot of practical stuff that I could do. A few years ago when I tried to get the doctors more actively involved she physically attacked my then girlfriend. In the last couple of years I've done my best to keep in touch with the doctors and on occasion the police. The police began to get involved because of a lot of the crazy stuff that she was hearing and seeing and then relaying back to them. They in turn would call me or I�d call them when other members of the family got in touch with me to 'sort things out'. I've been the official black sheep of the family ever since I left the North and set up home in London anyway but once my mum's health deteriorated and I didn't move back I was basically ostracised further. Fine with me � I was never big on the whole family thing since I was a kid. So, I'd tried getting involved and got fucked over too many times before and now I just keep the whole thing at a distance. Pretty callous? Probably, but then again I'm not about to fuck up the life I've got here for the dregs of something that was always fucked anyway. Selfish? I don't really care. Anyway, that's not what I wanted to get into (most people think I should be a 'better son' but its not going to happen so get over it), the thing is that occasionally the weird shit that springs from the North of England in my direction occasionally turns plain nasty. Last night some guy broke into my mum's house and beat the shit out of her. He broke up the house pretty badly, demanding money, disabling the phone and throwing her around. At one point she had grabbed a knife to try and ward him off but that was soon taken from her and held against her throat. He threatened to kill her a half dozen times before starting to ransack the house again. Now picture her crawling across the floor trying to get the phone back in its socket. That's when he cut her. So my mum's neighbours are hearing a lot of commotion but as I said my mum's been 'nuts' for years so they ignore it right until they hear the guy screaming �his� head off too, frustrated at finding out the woman he's attacking wasn't lying about having no money in the house. They finally ring the police. Eight officers break into the house and grapple the guy on the stairs where he's trying to drag my mum to the bedroom. She's far from ok but she's not dead. The house is now a crime scene and as you can imagine the next few weeks are going to be pretty messy. So I should be beside myself with worry/guilt/fear/anger and demanding the police hang this fuck right? None of the above. I�ll keep a close eye on what happens to this guy but I�ve never had a lot of faith in the legal process. With a little luck he�ll get the sentence he deserves but I doubt it. The stuff with my mum is complicated to the point where the feelings just aren�t there. I�ve tried to get her to move for years but to no avail and I�ve also tried to get the police to do more, I guess this time more will get done and she may actually move. Best place for her would be a home and that�s what I�ll try and arrange. Callous again right? Well, she has around eleven siblings (I lose count � like goddamn rabbits) and if any of them want to get more actively involved then I�m all for that too. Am I jumping on the next train to Wigan? No. Would it help my mum to see me as soon as possible � of course it would. Am I still not going? Not for a while. That�s hard to understand for anyone who has a close family and even those who believe themselves to be estranged would probably hope that in similar circumstances they could react better than I am but the bottom line is that when I heard the news it was as bad as hearing it had happened to a neighbour or anyone else that I wasn�t particular close to. Most of that stems from my childhood and the fact that the whole maternal thing just never happened. Fucked up � if you say so. Maybe seeing how I react to this shit so close to home makes it easier to understand how removed I am from a bunch of dead firemen in New York. There are people I care about and care deeply for but immediate family don�t make that list simply by existing... doesn�t mean that I wanted any of that terrible shit to happen but I�m also pretty fucking removed from it too. I could go on and on and I guess if the email I get in the next few days is interesting enough I probably will. Signs, by the way, was pretty damn good but not quite in the same league as Unbreakable. Mike is blogging to: nothing

"CONRAD, STOP TALKING NOW" Good day today. I really like the job. Check out the guestbook once more for the return of Mitch - I didn't know that the Klan had a Chicago branch. If the guy had any sense he'd have let 'Not Mitch' carry on speaking for him. Let me repeat my little mantra: I have nothing at all against America, it's people or any other country for that matter. I just can't abide stupidity. Mitch may well be the most ignorant fucker I've come across this year, which is quite an achievment considering my own country is rife with the bastards. Anyhow it's late and I need some sleep. I'm not leaving the house until after 1pm tomorrow so I'll blog in the morning. That reminds me, need to catch up with Phil now that he's back from Scotland. Mike is blogging to: nothing

"HA!" Gotta run before I'm late for work so this is a short one. I half expected some reply from 'Mitch' when i got up this morning but instead someone else sprang to his defense. Check out the guestbook. Been a while since I had some real abuse. Feel free to add your own comments and tell me what an arse I am. I do like the idea of a dedicated fat vegan site though... Catch you later... Mike is blogging to: nothing

"YOU ARE A FUCKING UGLY BITCH AND I WANT TO STAB YOU TO DEATH AND PLAY WITH YOUR BLOOD" 'Mitch' had this to say on my guestbook: "Any comments? How about showing some respect for all those that died on September 11th? To much to ask?" You were finished? Well, allow me to retort: 1. Fuck you. 2. "All those that died" Does that include the hijackers? Just wondering... 3. Do you mean the couple of thousand people that died September 11th 2001 in New York or are we talking about the couple of thousand people that died in Chile around that date in 1973 thanks to the CIA backed coup that ousted the democratically elected government there? 4. Learn the difference between the words 'too' and 'to' you dumb fuck. 5. How many firefighters and policemen died inside the WTC? How many were already inside when the planes hit? Take one answer away from the other and you have the number of people who weren't killed by terrorists but were rather committing suicide in a rather American gung-ho fashion by climbing up the inside of a couple of buildings that had been hit by airliners. Brave? You bet. Dumb? As a bag of spanners. From the footage I've seen, that day was all about the blind leading the blind. There was no plan but 'hey lets climb up to where the fire is'. No one seems to have thought this foolhardy - how about lets evacuate the immediate area and see where we are needed and what can be done before we go add more bodies to the pile. Does this mean that I think the men and women who died were stupid? No. But their actions certainly were. How many people did those emergency workers save? Not as many as the regular Fire Wardens doing their jobs on each floor by leading survivors away from the flames... Feel free to disagree but the bottom line is that the body count would have been a lot less if those in charge had hung back and evaluated what the fuck was going on before sending men to die... then again that's the exact example that your President is setting huh? 6. Did I say 'Fuck You' already? Mike is blogging to: Sparta - Wiretap Scars

"TED, DON'T FEAR THE REAPER!" Mark came over to see me this afternoon � always good to see an Ott face in the Borders realm. As you can see from my last post a certain autobiography greeted me this morning. Sure, he can laugh now but when history comes to write my tale that cricket-bastard will be a mere footnote. Fucker. Let me fill in some of the blanks from the last few days: Sorry to the Americans sat behind me at the theatre the other night who were taken aback by my reading of the new 'Eightball' collection during the interval. I guess you don�t go out for an evening of culture in London and expect to be subjected to gigantic cocks and ball swallowing cunts. Then again it must make a change from having Bush rammed down your throat. Speaking of Dubya, check out The Dicks of Hazzard. Bouncers and doormen are a disease that needs to be eliminated � better still free all the lab mice and rabbits and lets pour some bleach into their eyes instead. Of course you�d need a device that would be able to peel back the heavy ridge of bone over the eyes first. Failing this we could just set old astronauts on them � �Hey Buzz, that guy over in the doorway in the cheap tuxedo said you never went to the moon...� Graybo has some intelligent things to say re: 9-11 and the media in general. He also found a Landspeeder for sale on ebay. The best tribute to 9-11 came from Leah � �I am scared of milk and I eat three pieces of beef jerky at a time� From the mouths of babes and all that... Very cool quote from Zevon concerning his terminal cancer diagnosis: "I'm OK with it but it'll be a drag if I don't make it till the next James Bond movie comes out." I remember when I was a kid and was forced to deal with the whole mortality thing for the first time. The first thing that I was pissed off at was the fact that dying unexpectedly meant you�d miss out on any further episodes of your fave TV shows like 'Monkey' and 'Battle of the Planets'. Soon after, I became more pissed at the thought that other people (lets call em the non-dead) would actually carry on watching these shows without you. Bastards! This may be when I first became a malcontent. Michael Elphick died a few days ago. 'Boon' was a show I used to watch with my dad. I guess they�ll trawl some episodes out in �tribute�. Most of the obits spend too much time talking about his recent casting in 'Eastenders' (a certain clue that an actor is being hunted by the reaper) and not enough time mentioning his small turn in Withnail and I. My favourite slut seems to have fallen in love (maybe)... hope it works out for her. And don�t forget to check out www.williamshatner.com because everyone wants email from Captain Kirk. Work is going fine. I enjoy being a bookseller again and the people are cool. Plus I get to whiz around on really tall ladders, which is always a plus. The werewolf hunt is slowing down now that I have to interact with people and await their responses to my odd pleas but you can have an early teaser of the site over at http://www.westnetsolutions.co.uk/werewolf. Ill put a real link up once the site is live. Isn't Martin doing a damn good job? Email him and let him know. Jess and Pippa just rolled in pissed up after an evening at the vomiting Italian. Gotta go find some headphones as I�ve just been told that the Detroit Rock City DVD is once again going to rear it�s ugly head... Mike is blogging to: drunken girls and a freshly woken Australian.

"I MAY BE A BASTARD BUT I'M NOT A FUCKING BASTARD!" Fuck Mike is blogging to: ...

"WE GOT A BUMP COMING UP" Now weren't you a tad disappointed that nothing exploded yesterday? It's ok you can admit it... Let�s see. Well I'm finally feeling better so it's off to work I go in the next hour or so. Spent the morning chasing up invoices for stuff I did three months ago. No one likes paying freelancers. Jess is still reeling from turning 21. We saw Kyle MacLachlan and Woody Harrelson on stage in 'On An Average Day', which was pretty cool. The play was probably just above average and not a lot to shout about but Maclachlan and Harrelson were great - especially Harrelson. You should check it out before the run ends. Last night we saw The Bourne Identity rather reluctantly. Glad to say that we were pleasantly surprised - it was pretty damn good. Main surprise is that it's directed by the guy who did Swingers. Matt Damon is ok in action-man mode but Franka Potente (from Run Lola Run & The Princess and the Warrior) was stunning. Clive Owen was also good value and I'm now coming around to Mark's way of thinking that he could make a pretty decent new Bond. Saw the new trailer for Die Another Day and got all childish over the hovercraft chase... Now I'm just waiting for Channel Five to drag out the original Bourne Identity from about 15 years ago with Richard Chamberlain and one of the original Charlies' Angels. I'll spend tonight catching up on emails and other people's blogs. Sounds like Doc had an interesting night though. All the hassles I've ever had with idiots have been in the North - say what you like about London but at least the weirdos here don't carry fucking rakes like Pigsy. Best go get myself ready for work... Mike is blogging to: nothing

"WITHOUT CHEMICALS HE POINTS" Fucked. That's how I feel. Came home from the store yesterday feeling crappy. Had to phone in sick at the cinema. Woke up this morning feeling worse so had to call in sick at the store too. Crawled back to bed and stayed there until about 7pm. Still not feeling too frisky. Pippa came over and watched Amores Peros with Jess while I snoozed. At the moment we are watching Twin Peaks from the beginning of season two: "It's not so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind". Good stuff but I still feel like crap. I'm due in the store tomorrow at 7am - hopefully I'll be there but at the moment it's touch and go. I also feel like crap because I just heard the idiots over on the Sci-Fi channel cancelled Farscape. I hate to get all geeky about stuff but that show is probably the best thing to happen to television since Twin Peaks and although it makes perfect sense for fucking idiots to cancel it just as it's starting to get into it's stride I'm still more than a little annoyed. Check out this Farscape site to get the latest including the chat transcript that broke the news... So hopefully tomorrow I'll be back on the werewolf trail plus I need to start organising stuff for Jess' birthday on Wednesday. I was thinking of two upright chocolate cakes with marzipan planes flying into them... Mike is blogging to: Twin Peaks

"YOU'RE JUST SOME PRICK IN A LEATHER JACKET" Frank turned up so my early night has turned into a Monkey marathon... I'll be around in the morning but am then pulling a double at the bookstore and the cinema - did I tell you that I saw Insomnia? Load of old bollocks that was - Pacino was pretty good playing a slack jawed geriatric up against Mork from Orc but it was a piss poor attempt after Memento... I'll try and see Frailty later this week which is shaping up to be fucking great... met Bill Paxton once - he has in-laws in Twickenham - top bloke. Mike is blogging to: "Born in an egg on a mountain-top..."

"SHOTTIES ARE GOOD" Time for my first real blog update in ages. Today was one of the oddest days in a while, hunting down werewolves in central London. Thanks to Martin's info we found the flat were Jenny Agutter's character lived pretty easily. Unfortunately no-one was home so we couldn't get any interior shots but I snapped off 20 or so different shots similar to ones seen in the film. It was weird to stand on the steps looking across at the church that David and Alex stood in front of during the movie and even odder to peer in through the bay window and see that the room hadn't changed an awful lot since that fucking awesome transformation scene twenty-one years ago. I've been to a lot of cool places but this was one of the best. My blagging skills were needed later in the day when I had to get into a former hospital (the one that David recovers in after the attack) now a homeless shelter. I got in and got some interesting shots along with a number for the building's press-officer so hopefully on Monday I'll be able to pinpoint the exact room and then call again on the new residents of Jenny's flat and try and get into their shower. Taking Chuck's advice I've already started pulling together a magazine article. Frank's been AWOL for 2 days now. Damn Australians. We watched Two Hands the other night which was bloody good and it also turns out that Martin has been in touch with 'Chopper' via email. I need to to get some more new Aussie movies and look into some more stuff by Bryan Brown. Fuck knows where Frank is. Duncan should be in his new country by now I guess... Some links of note: How the US Army ripped off comic books to sell their own brand of all too real violence. Good stuff about online music 'sharing' - Read here about how the Recording Industry Association of America's website was hacked a couple of weeks ago and began offering free music. The site was quickly put back in order but you can chack out a mirror here. For all of you emailing and asking where to go after Audiogalaxy check out the rather interesting After Napster site. Just fnished catching up with Doc over on his blog and am happy to read that his art is taking him places - couldn't be happening to a nicer guy. Speaking of nice guys Simon O'Brien's blog has some really nasty links - I don't know what was worse; the BNP's kid's poster competition or the news that The Wickerman is going to be remade with Nick Cage... fuck. Over on Swish Cottage is the best reason to get excited about upcoming dumb as fuck action movie Triple X: "For me, the key moment in xXx comes near the end of the film, when Vin Diesel pushes aside a police sniper, grabs a bazooka, and says, "It's time to stop thinking cop, and start thinking PlayStation!" Top that Gandalf. Sorry Stu, time to get serious again - here's a list from Newsday covering exactly what's changed in the last year over in the land of the free: * FREEDOM OF ASSOCIATION: Government may monitor religious and political institutions without suspecting criminal activity to assist terror investigation. * FREEDOM OF INFORMATION: Government has closed once-public immigration hearings, has secretly detained hundreds of people without charges, and has encouraged bureaucrats to resist public records requests. * FREEDOM OF SPEECH: Government may prosecute librarians or keepers of any other records if they tell anyone that the government subpoenaed information related to a terror investigation. * RIGHT TO LEGAL REPRESENTATION: Government may monitor federal prison jailhouse conversations between attorneys and clients, and deny lawyers to Americans accused of crimes. * FREEDOM FROM UNREASONABLE SEARCHES: Government may search and seize Americans' papers and effects without probable cause to assist terror investigation. * RIGHT TO A SPEEDY AND PUBLIC TRIAL: Government may jail Americans indefinitely without a trial. * RIGHT TO LIBERTY: Americans may be jailed without being charged or being able to confront witnesses against them. ...and just in case you thought it was just left wing punky vegan moaning bastrads like me that have a problem with this shit check out what Jimmy Carter has to say about his country. Gotta run again. Email is mounting up. Mike is blogging to: Frank's pile of weird CDs.

"YOU DIRTY STINKING SECRET KEEPER" So last night I go along to Freedom in Soho to hear Chuck Palahniuk read from his new novel Lullaby. He reads a few chapters which makes the crowd laugh or groan in disgust depending on their outlook. Afterwards are the usual questions and answers - he dispels the stupid questions with his usual aplomb and tells us of his new books - a travel guide for his home town of Portland in which he not only reveals that you can canoe through the sewer system but also tells the reader how to get into the sewers in the first place, he figures this kind of information along with how much a blowjob costs from a local whore is what we need to know. His other book will be a conspiracy-horror novel - he just finished re-reading all of Ira Levin's stuff (Rosemary's Baby, The Stepford Wives, The Boys from Brazil) so he's pretty excited at giving that genre a shot. I met some cool people in the crowd and got to hang with Chuck for a little while, surprisingly enough he recognised me from last year. I told him about my little werewolf hunt and he suggested that I should write the whole thing up as a magazine article. A good idea and one I'm working on right now. Commenting on my shirt we got to talking about my various forms of employment and Chuck came up with the following conclusion: We also spoke about writing in general, how people like me were really hard to please and about how good it is to have wild friends. He dedicated one of the books I gave him to "Frank, the Australian drug fiend" (which blew Frank away when I passed it on to him) and some other copies to Doc and Martin. One of my books he signed to me but the new copy of Lullaby he marked in a way that I'm going to have a lot of fun with: I'll have to make that a permanent part of the site somewhere... It's late again and I still have a bunch of writing to do. Tomorrow is the big werewolf hunt - Martin sent me the location of the hospital too so I'm going to be snapping shots in quite a few weird areas. Fun. Mike is blogging to: Rage Against the Machine: The Battle of Los Angeles

"WITH A GUN BARREL STUCK BETWEEN YOUR TEETH, YOU ONLY SPEAK IN VOWELS" Last night was a blast. Chuck Palahniuk is in turns funny, articulate and super fucking twisted. I've got a busy fucking day ahead - making the most of my time off from work. Gotta run but will be giving the low down on Chuck later this evening... Mike is blogging to: Van Halen's first album

"HAVE YOU TRIED TALKING TO A CORPSE? IT'S BORING" Looking foward to Friday. Although my routine is a little more settled now I still haven't had much time for webby stuff. I only start work at 2.30 this afternoon which has given me the morning but I'll be working until 11pm. Should be a good day though, we've got Michael Marshall Smith signing this afternoon. I'm off to the Chuck Palahniuk thing tomorrow of course - looking forward to that. I just started reading 'Lullaby' and it's bloody good - I have to admit that I wasn't sure how he was going to pull off what, on the surface, seemed to be a slightly silly concept but I should have had mort faith. Should be interesting to hear what he has to say about it and what he's got lined up for us next. If you wander over to Bookslut you'll see my review of the new Sam Shepard and read all about me. Ha. This is Duncan's last day with us - well I guess yesterday was but I get to see him and Anu one more time before they set off for Helsinki - very fucking odd to think he won't be around after working with him for two years plus... glad to say he's gone from dependable bookseller/manager to world traveller with a beautiful woman on his arm. Good luck mate. Frank is with us for another couple of weeks before he sets off for Australia. We went out last night and got curried up... good fun. I'm going werewolf hunting on Friday. Martin gave me the address of the locations used in American Werewolf so off I go camera in hand. I'll take Jess and make a day of it - it'll be romantic - "Look Jess, that's the wasteland where the tramps got eaten..." Mike is blogging to: nothing

�DON�T YOU EVER WANT TO CRY?� What I said about my body clock being fucked... well, it hasn�t got any better. I meant to get to this earlier, like a few days ago but obviously that didn�t happen. I�ve been stretching myself way too thin. The new job plus the old job plus the writing plus the odd hours... nowhere near enough hours in the day and I�m getting too old to last on three or four hours of sleep anymore. Anyway... First off a few apologies. Biggest one goes to Stu who turned thirty-one a few days ago and heard fuck all from me. Mate, if you�re reading this I�m sorry. My ultra hip mobile phone is fucked and like an idiot I don�t have the info anywhere else so i couldn�t ring anyone � I don�t even know my own mother�s phone number until I get the handset fixed. In trying to fix it myself I managed to block the chip and now need to get the security settings taken off before i can stick it into another phone... anyway enough with the excuses. If I was supposed to ring you or you haven'� heard from me for a while that'� the reason. Sorry again Stu, hope you had a great Birthday even without me moaning at you down the phone. Drop me an email or something with your number on ok? Your new address would be good too. We�ll be up there in the next month or so. Work is cool. The new job is just different enough to be a little confusing at times but overall I�m back in my element. I�ve even had old customers from Ottakar�s come in and say hi which was pretty nice. The people I work with are all good guys so far, especially Steph who had to put up with a lot of crap during that training period. The best thing about the gig is that from next week I�ll be working the fiction section. Biggest and best section in one of the biggest bookstores in central London � I�m over the moon about that. This Thursday I�m off to see Chuck Palahniuk again. Because I�ve been rushing around so much this week I didn�t even realise that the guy was in town until the last minute so by the time I get my arse to Foyles today the event is sold out. Thank fuck I can�t take no for an answer. After much begging and sweet talk a very helpful (and rival) bookseller named Fiona gave me the very last ticket � what a star she is. So I�ve swung my hours around so I can get there and see Chuck on time and will hopefully have copies of his new novel 'Lullaby' by then. If anyone wants me to get something signed for them let me know before Thursday. Cool. Other stuff � cool guy named Martin emailed me out of the blue last week regarding An American Werewolf in London. He�s putting together a very cool site on the movie and read what I had to say about it and thought he�d drop me a line. Upshot of that is that I�m going to be contributing to the site. He�s already taken some recent photos of the �Yorkshire� segment of the film but its down to me to grab the London sequences. This means I get to try and get into the flat used by Jenny Agutter. Should be interesting � I�m pretty excited by this and now I�ve seen the screenshots of the site in progress I know its going to look good with some killer content. A fresh interview with Griffin Dunne for example. As soon as the site is up I will of course link the hell out of it. Duncan�s days in the UK are winding down. This evening Bruce and Katie were here, Frank has moved in for a few weeks (before he leaves for Oz) so Jess and I have just been catching up and drinking too much wine. Tonight we had a great little discussion about The Exorcist III amongst other movies. Frank kept us entertained Steve Irwin style with his tales of the bush and I returned the favour by revealing what a little fuck I was as a kid. Anyway, I didn�t expect to be still up at this hour again but we were just on a roll... I saw Lantana again today. One of the best films I�ve seen all year. Bloody great. Reign of Fire wasn�t what it should have been but was still entertaining despite the rushed ending. Jess is raving about the new Almodovar but I�ve yet to see it... This is the last time I�ll allow the blog to slip. I�ll add more tomorrow and will have long expected new content up on the main site on Friday and Saturday when i get a break from work. I still have stacks of email to get through so be patient and I�ll get to you... Mike is blogging to: nothing